Community
I have deleted this post. I'm sorry if I came off as mean, ugly, ungrateful, hateful, or anything derogatory. I appreciate all your prayers for the family. I didn't think my post was combative and/or accusatory toward anyone. I'm sorry.
First of all sorry for your loss - I did miss that but haven't been on the site as much as usual lately. Looking back - most of your recent blogs have had several responses? Not sure what you mean by that....
And there was a blog put up by Barbscloud honoring your accomplishment. Congratulations again on that achievement!
Sorry to hear about your husband's dad. My thoughts go out to you.
I get that you're hurting. But I think you need to grant the community here some slack as I don't think there was intentional lack of responses to your posts. I've met some of the most active members here on the site and there is a lot of compassion. A lot, sometimes I think people actually care about the person's quit more than the person cares about their own quit. While I see was emotional not to get support when you needed it please have some understanding that suggesting some people were intentionally doing this might make it emotionally challenging to respond to you. Just was our site rules encourage our members to be understanding and helpful helpers as someone getting support it makes it difficult to give someone support when they're upset at the very people who freely give their time to offer help and support.
I've managed a couple peer-to-peer support communities in my day and one of the main things is you have to be just as gracious about receiving help as you are at giving it. Text based communication can be tough and we need to give people the benefit of the doubt. If something is frustrating, ask a question, get clarification before getting upset. No doubt quitting is a challenging journey(as evidenced by many journey's posted here) so even more leniency is needed. People who come here and ask for support must be open-minded and receptive to being helped. I've learned that when combative/accusatory posts are made, helpers may overlook those posts in favor of other posts where the person seems willing to be helped. So if you want help, be open and receptive. Just as a smoker needs the desire to quit, a person seeking support and help here must be truly willing to accept the support they're provided.
A little explanation of how the community works:
When you update your root post in your blog Prayers for Husband's Family: His Dad Died it didn't notify everyone on the post. So no one really knew or was alerted that that had happened. Had you replied then everyone on the thread would have been alerted who was subscribed even if you moved it out of your personal blog into the Conversations area. The title update helped but still doesn't pop out. Also with blogs they don't bubble to the top of the home page like other content types and the link for the latest content sorts by created date when clicked from the home page. Since your blog was from 8/28 it would need to be sorted by last activity which goes by the last comment date and may not(need to test myself to be sure) bump things to the top if you edit the root post of a blog.
You can also tag something Prayer_circle and that will help bring attention to times when you need some extra prayers. You can do an easy one-click prayer request in Prayer Circle
Mark
EX Community Manager
Please know Julie I didn't see YOUR blog on Tuesday - I am lifting prayer now and I have NOTHING to apologize for - I did NOT abandone YOU in YOUR time of need -I PERSONALLY messaged YOU and TODAY I AM thanking you for YOUR - honesty and courage - YOUR OK - please don't BE offended - I sent YOU a PERSONAL message on YOUR 1 YEAR anniversary - YOU didn't mention anything to ME - no worries - I vented a blog in MY EARLY RECOVERY too of FEELING left out too - MY deepest sympathies for YOUR loss and continued prayers for YOU and YOUR family and please stop calling YOUR SELF that WORD - YOUR NOT one - YOUR MY beloved sister who is deeply grieving the loss of your dad
- YOUR NOT forgotten and NOT ALONE- gentle hug
I found the blog of YOUR loss and there were replys and I read and lifted prayers up for YOU - what NLOG did I NOT SUPPORT YOU help me to find it - i search YOUR current blogs the past few days - PLEASE and thank YOU
Sorry for your loss, grieving can cause us to feel alone. Sorry if you feel alone. You are not alone. God bless you and your family at this time of grief.
WOW I guess you told us.... I am so sorry for your family’s loss. I was in my 30s when I lost my father. At the time you posted of it quite a few people offered their condolences. I think you are mad at the wrong people and need to look within yourself to discover what is going on.
I understand that you have a lot of overwhelming stuff going on in your life right now and therefore hate to be harsh but spewing hateful things does not evoke warm and fuzzies from the people that have been so supportive of you in the past. You are a huge dog lover. I love the saying.... “Be the person your dog thinks you are”.
I think you need to eek out a few moments of your hectic life to celebrate both your anniversary and husbands birthday. Don’t wallow in your bad, but rejoice in your blessings.....
Wishing you the best.
Beck
I'm so sorry you felt let down and left out. I am not here as much these days. Of course please accept my condolences and you and your husband are in my prayers.
I am so sorry you feel you are not supported here right now. I, too, looked back at the posts and see quite a few supportive comments, but that is not to minimize your feelings. Maybe some of us do have too much going on and are not prioritizing as we should, and, for that, I am truly sorry.
Connie
My deepest condolences. I think you should know by now how much we care about and support you. I never saw the post and Mark's explanation makes perfect sense-you're original post was from August 28th. I know you have much going on in your life,but maybe you should have given us the benefit of the doubt. Personally, I posted celebrating your one year anniversary, so why would I have wanted to hurt you. Why would any of us wanted to hurt you?
Barb
{{{{{{{{{{{Huge caring hug coming your way Julie along with my sincere condolences to you and your family}}}}}}}}}}
Julie---I did not see your post and would like to offer my sincere condolences.....Mark is correct....updating on a blog that was already read would not let us know anything new was added.....but...sorry you felt we had abandoned you.
I didn't see your rant either.......missed that too. I think you need to realize we are not on here all day at all times. Sometimes, I miss so much and there is so much to catch up on that I scan down and if at least THREE people commented......I just start at the day I am on and skip everything I missed. Might be mean but I simply sometimes can't keep up. I always check to be sure SOMEONE commented.
IN ANY CASE....you always get a lot of comments on your blogs and we love you. Sorry you felt abandoned at this most fragile time.
Personally, it's a good thing I didn't see the post. Support, here or elsewhere, is up to individuals & is freely given (or not). It is NOT an automatic given. It IS to be appreciated, each & every one of them who takes the time to offer it to us. I also try to give people the benefit of the doubt (ie they just didn't see it, weren't on line, etc.) instead of automatically assuming the worse of them and demanding they give you what you want or need. I AM sorry for you & your hubby's loss … believe me or not.
So very sorry for your loss. I feel your pain as I just lost my dad on Tuesday. We share a pain so please know that I am here for you as are everyone else. Be strong; I know it's not easy.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Humongous caring hug from me to you dear Ralph}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
Hugs to both you and Ralph. It's hard to find a new normal without those we love here with us.
Belle
Hi Julie....minihorses Please accept my apologizes and condolences...I never saw the post from you...lately we have had so many new people, etc., and few people to welcome them and/or help others...I had been overwhelmed for a few days trying to get to everyone...I overlooked many blogs, posts and conversation...I am sorry if we let you down, but it is true we do have life outside of Ex...anyways, sorry about your Father in laws passing...may he Rest In Peace and now be out of pain ... Take care of You Julie and your hubs and family...Gotcha in my prayers and lifting you up right now....~ Colleen 284 DOF