Just added you to our /blogs/Giulia-blog/2017/06/18/elders-list-ao-december-7-2016?sr=search&searchId=d3f89aa0-1139-4ddd-b.... I remind myself that I never want another day one. That keeps me very secure in my quit. Glad you visit often. I consider it part of my quit maintenance to check in here.
The fact that you miss your mom so much just shows how much and how deep the love you had for her. When your mom dies a huge piece of you goes with her. Because she was a part of ALL your life history from breath one. And I've always thought we shared cells as well as souls. It doesn't get much deeper than that. What stunned me when I lost mine was not what I thought would be the hard part, never having her love again, but having no place to put all that love I had for her. Where could I put it? The way we loved each other was unique, one of kind and it can never be replicated. THAT's what I miss. The giving of that love, the way that giving and receiving felt. You can't replicate that. Well, I suppose you can with a child, if you're a mom, but I'm not, so... And even so, your mom was the one who took care of you, and hopefully championed you. And that can't be replicated either. So I deeply understand that "missing." Especially when it's still as fresh as it is for you - 6 months. It takes longer than 6 months for the pain to ease. And it takes longer than 6 months, for some of us, to get through the "pain" of quitting.
But you have remained steadfast to your quit, despite your depression. That shows much strength. And as we have learned - smoking doesn't really relieve pain, and relapse and failure only add to it. Keep reminding yourself of the positives, of your strength, of your achievement of your magnificent over-a-year quit. And remember how far you've come and how the newbie joining today is looking up to you because YOU have what they want. Remember way back when - when you wanted it? Well you've got it. Rejoice in that! We do for you.
