Fed Up

[Gwenivere]

EI II’m on my 4th day of 7mg. patches with lozenges as craving back up.  I know there is no way around withdrawl, but I was back up to what I smoked adding in the patch.  I did some research about cutting them but a better solution was suggested to just peel half the backing off and adhere it with tape.  Use the covered half tomorrow.  Going to see if this relieves some of the mind fog, fatigue and weakness I have been feeling.  Since stating the patch I’m a walking , grouchy zombie.  It does help with craves.  

I’m as much bothered by the physical as I am the psychological.  Extra sensitive today being alone and missing a close support person.  No place to go expect out to grab a burger for once was a special day of warmth and family.  I also notice my chest hurts now.  Not the heart attack kind, but uncomfortable and I didn’t expect that.  It’s listed for cold and gradual.  So I don’t want to debate that issue.  Some experience it, some don’t.  

I’m just frustrated today this was a forced quit at the hardest time of year.  Just needed to vent.  Want to curl up in my jammies and go to sleep.  Almost 4pm already getting very dark with rain.  I wish I had a good motivation for doing this.

[Deena-A-Yenni]

'Ello.  You've been off the cigs for a while then.  Outstanding.  Venting here is good.  Very good.  I hope you get in those jammies and get comfortable and enjoy you and your quit.  That's all that's important right now.

[elvan]

You DO have a good motivation, you need to open your eyes, my friend.  The motivation is YOU...vent away, remember you are worth saving, you are worth making the best of the rest of your life.  We cannot always choose when to quit and we cannot always agree that the journey was what we expected but we CAN be grateful to be ON the journey.  Have you tried getting on your knees and praying for a release from the mental obsession?  It works.

I really wish I could carry part of this for you but it wouldn't help....I can hold your hand on this journey but I cannot carry you on my crooked back with my shortness of breath...you cannot carry me either but we can walk side by side.

Hugs to you,

Ellen

[Mandolinrain]

elvan‌ ADVICE WAS SPOT ON. YOU...are in no way worthless! It seems also, like the hardest time in the year to quit , truly...but theres always going to be hard times that jump at us out of nowhere.

You are smart for coming here and blogging. You are WORTH the effort to put into this quit. I will be sending up prayers shortly for you. I hope you get some rest tonight. Tomorrows a new day. Venting is GOOD. Geese, I STILL vent on here sometimes...and maybe nobody cares or listens, but I know better...I know people on this site really do give a damn about each other. We are ALL going t have good/bad times...smoking or not. Never hurts to have support when we need it, thats why were here.

 LOVE Ellens advice. SPOT ON!!!

[YoungAtHeart]

You might try changing your mind's direction.  I know a lot of people here have done this by ending each day writing three things for which they are grateful.  Have you noticed any improvement in your sense of smell or taste?  If not, you should shortly.  Have you noticed there is not a cough at the end of your laughter (if you haven't laughed for a bit, I recommend a YouTube search for Harvey Korman or Tim Conway or Lucille Ball).

How you look at this journey is totally up to you.  Maybe taking some control over what you CAN might help.

Hope so!

Nancy

[Gwenivere]

Thanks so much for your replies.  The support here is so appreciated.   I wanted to clear up that I have no support in my worldly life.  In that I am alone except for for the state's quit coach and I’ve only talked to 2 that were warm.  But here I have had some wonderful people helping here of privately and it all keeps me going, even when I want to throw up my hands and say screw it.  

Even posts that that I felt were criticizing helped me see things differently and I thank those people too.  

Ellen, afraid my knees can’t take getting down on, but glad you are there to walk with, even if I am limping along.  Would be cool if stopping smoking cured back problems too,  eh?  

[elvan]

It sure would be cool if my back problems could be cured but even my BREATHING problems are beyond the point of showing much improvement any more.  I do my workouts five days a week...10 miles on a stationary bike and then free weights for my upper body and some legs lifts while I am leaning backwards off an ottoman.  Not sure if it helps my back but it sure does STRETCH it.  Honestly, I wish there was some magic I could send in your way.  You are NOT alone...we are here, we might not be in your home with you but we are as close as a computer or a phone.  Every time you reach out and you write something, you are giving another person someone to relate to, someone to you are helping someone and that's a reward in an of itself.  OK...no getting down on your knees, I suspect you can still bow your head and get into a position that shows you are praying.  Honestly, I did not expect it to help me.  It's not that I don't have faith, I DO, but the craves were so strong and so relentless and I just did not know if I would ever think of anything else.  I can't tell you when I realized that I had gone a full day without a thought of smoking, I remember only that it was in incredibly stressful day and after it was over, I realized that smoking never occurred to me.  I cannot begin to tell you how astounded I was...once I had THAT day...more began to follow and now if I think of smoking, it is never more than a weak and pathetic thought.  Freedom really is an amazing gift that is there for the taking.

Huge hugs, 

Ellen

[JACKIE1-25-15]

If it makes you feel better curling up in your jammies is not the worse Idea.  Sounds comforting to me.  A good book, cup of tea, soft music.  You will soon forget your misery and think of a GOOD reason to quit smoking.  

[Mandolinrain]

Wouldn't it be cool if we all lived near each other and could have a PJ party with yummy treats, hot cocoa  and girl chat

Since we can't....just know I go to bed overnight thanking God for ALL you gals, old and new. My friends here are jealous of all the friends I have on just this site alone, lol....

[Deerbake]

I have 2 magnets on my frig that I read EVERY day and sometimes many times a day.

I enter this day with a peaceful heart.

                       and

The soul would have no rainbows if the eyes had no tears.   (Native American Proverb)

Even on the tough days I'm sure if you looked around you and did some serious thinking about it,  the rainbows are always there.