Hello quitters! I have been smoking since I was 13. I turned 34 on New Years Eve and everyone thought I was between 26 and 28. I can not look old prematurely. I know at my age I won't look like I'm in my 20's for much longer, but at least I can try to grow old gracefully. I wanted to try and quit this summer, but all the "I can't believe you are 34!" has moved up my quit date. I could be a hag by summer. I know I'm going to get fat doing this, but I think getting rid of cigarettes will be harder than taking off the weight.
I have been wanting to quit for a couple years now since I married an avid smoking hater. The world is becoming a smoke free place too. I just want to go about my life not worrying about when I can smoke and who can smell the smoke on me. When I first met my husband he didn't want me to meet his family because I smoke and they HATE smokers. Right now, I think I HATE my husband. He has never actually pressured me to quit smoking, but living with him over the past two years is constant stress. He almost never complains, but I know he hates it. I limited my smoking to literally hanging out my bedroom window. I wanted to smoke in the garage, but he wanted that as his playroom. It was hard to give up smoking while sitting at the computer or when having friends over drinking, but if I could give up my favorite smokey times why can't I give it up all together? I've made this gut retching decision all on my own, but my rebellious nature makes me want to smoke just to irritate the morally uptight.
My father died three years ago of cancer at 68, my sister of breast cancer at 45 last December . My beloved uncle of an aneurysm at 48, my wonderful cousin of cancer at 38. None of these deaths were smoking related. The only people in my family who seem to hold on are the SMOKERS! I'm am worried that through some weird karma that if I give up cigarettes I too will die from some horrible disease. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm still worried.
Well I have been smoke free for 13 yours now. I am managing my cravings for today with nicotine gum, and by smelling my hair, which now smells like pretty shampoo and not smoke. I am going through and washing all my clothes (this will take some time) and putting nice scented sachets in all my drawers. I am going to try and continue coping by sitting around in make up and decent looking clothes at all times. Yesterday I even went out and bought new lounging around clothes so I never look like a slouch. I might venture out this evening in the snow to buy this pink silky bathrobe I saw that I really wanted. I couldn't let that get smokey and ruin it could I? I'm hoping all this will help me not want to light up a wrinkle inducing, smelly tube of carbon monoxide. I never realized I was this vain. It's quite depressing.
I'm sorry if I've been rambling on. I'm having some sort of nervous smoking breakdown right now, but so far today I have managed to not go crazy. Now I just need to get over the urge to starve myself so I don't get fat. I have a hunger headache already. I'm angry. I don't want healthy snacks. I want a chocolate malt and fries. I feel like crying.
Ok, well nice to meet you all! I hope you are feeling better than I am right now. Willpower has to win. It just has to.
