Should I start all over again?

[Texadonia]

I'm a newbie here, trying to get through Day 14 after 50 years of smoking. Yesterday, I ran across a half-inch long cigarette butt on my front deck. It was mine, the remnant of the last cigarette I smoked before I left for a quit smoking retreat in Florida. It was tucked in a plant saucer that I sometimes used as an ashtray. 

There was no hesitation. I ran in the house to grab the one lighter I had kept on hand for lighting candles. Then I ran outside and fired up the butt. I took three quick hits before my rational self took over and destroyed the butt. 

My question to the community is this: Did I just relapse? Do I have the "right" to say today that I've been quit for 14 days or do I have to start all over again? 

Thanks

[Texadonia]

Thanks for the kind words, Mary. I appreciate what you say.  I believe that I stumbled on the path I started on two weeks ago. There was something in my path that I tripped over. It was a quick stumble. I didn't fall down and I didn't stop moving forward. I'm still on that path. If I had stopped, gone to the store, bought a pack, and smoked several cigs or the whole pack, I would reset my quit date. I would have to. For now, I'm sticking with the truth that I quit smoking two weeks ago.

BUT . . . I learned something really important from my slip. I learned to get rid of all lighters, even the one had I kept for lighting candles. Can't smoke without lighting up, right? Can't light up without a lighter or matches. Therefore, no incendiary devices. I had read about that already. I knew that getting rid of ashtrays, lighters, and matches is part of quit preparation. But If I am truly honest with myself . . . if I'm really, really honest . . . I kept that one lighter just in case a cigarette came along.

There it is. I think that's the "consideration" that jonescarp wrote about: "The consideration comes before the permission and the permission always comes before the puff." So true. Yes, I considered what keeping one lighter on hand might mean. 

I know better now. 

[maryfreecig]

Fantastic understanding of your slip. I never suffered from consideration. I'd made my decision--my work centered on acceptance and recovery--only I didn't know it at the time!!! Two weeks, one day means the same to me, one day at a time. 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

The consideration comes before the permission and,

The permission always comes before the puff.

[Texadonia]

Jones, that is so very, very true. Here's why.

I learned something really important from my slip. I learned to get rid of all lighters, even the one had I kept for lighting candles. Can't smoke without lighting up, right? Can't light up without a lighter or matches. Therefore, no incendiary devices. I had read about that already. I knew that getting rid of ashtrays, lighters, and matches is part of quit preparation. But If I am truly honest with myself . . . if I'm really, really honest . . . I kept that one lighter just in case a cigarette came along. There it is. That's the "consideration" that you write about. So true. Yes, I considered what keeping one lighter on hand might mean. 

It was my bad, and I'm better now. Thanks again.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

When we reach the place of no consideration, there is no temptation.

You don't reach that place by fighting with yourself to stay quit.

You reach it by accepting that you don't smoke.

Quitting smoking is mostly about changing what you have been used to, not just the nicotine, but routine.

That's a big reason so many have a hard time.

This is about relearning life without smoking. You do that by making new memories that don't include smoking until the scale is tipped by the new memories, and, you forget you were a smoker.

[Texadonia]

That's it, Jones, everything you said. You've hit the nail on the head with each point. Each point carries the same weight as the next, and together, they make up the solution.

Yes, people need to understand the drug nicotine and the way it affects the brain so they can understand WHY they are addicted (and stop beating themselves up by thinking they smoke because of some character flaw), but what they/we most need to know is HOW to quit. You've just answered that question simply and perfectly.

Maybe some of us will also use cinnamon sticks or NRC medicines or herbal remedies or a group to help ourselves along, but you've just provided the key, the path, the essential how. 

Thank you SO much. 

[elvan]

I think that if you tell those that quit with you two weeks ago that you lit up and took three puffs, they will not throw you out of the group.  There is no way that this is easy, I used to feel like it was absolutely up to the person to decide whether or not to reset their clock...now that I have not smoked in 5 1/2 years plus...I KNOW that ALL of those days have been smoke free and I don't have to put a little asterisk next to the number of days I have been quit.  Ultimately, it is up to you, congratulations on your quit AND on your clear commitment to making it work.

Welcome to EX,

Ellen

[Texadonia]

Thanks for the welcome, Ellen. I appreciate your kind words. I'm not worried that the group would throw me out, but I am worried that my slip would demoralize them or give them permission to slip. I know I shouldn't take responsibility for their actions or feelings, but in this case . . .

It was a quick stumble . . . it still is true that I quit smoking two weeks ago . . . AND I learned that keeping any incendiary devices around diminishes my chances to succeed!

Thanks again,

Melinda

[Barbara145]

I suspect you may not be the only one who slipped in your group.  Quitting smoking is hard.  Congrats on quitting smoking.  

[Texadonia]

Ha! You could be right, Barbara. As a group, holding each other accountable was never our primary goal. Our primary goal was to hold each other up. If it takes a small omission of truth in the early weeks of our commitment to help keep everyone proud, so be it. Chances are that I will cop to my slip at some point, and maybe they will, too. For now, eyes on the prize.  Thanks for writing. — Melinda