I felt like that. And I find it very sad that you do too. That “friend” took everything I had and wanted more. Made me stink. Stole my money. Looking back now, it was clearly an abusive, one-sided relationship from the start. And I was severely co-dependent in addition to suffering from the disease of addiction (now more affectionately called “substance use disorder”. Once I got a little ways away from it I started being able to see it for what it was. I was dually addicted to alcohol as well so I had to deal with that first, as alcohol kept leading me back to that FIRST puff. I finally had my last drop of alcohol on 11/21/1998. After much struggle, and many failed attempts, I had my last PUFF of 2/28/2001. Just in time. My “friend” gave me a parting gift of severe emphysema. What a friend! I no longer miss him. He tried to kill me so many times. I healed from him, alcohol, tobacco, and co-dependency. I have a great life now and I don’t miss him a bit. In fact, I can hardly believe that I ever let him live in the same house with me. My suggestion? Kim that ‘friend” to the curb and find some real friends who aren’t actively trying to kill you. All the rest of us here are over 21 and can buy and smoke sickarettes anytime we want to. But we have found better and are doing better. Join us. You can always go back to smoking if you don’t find not smoking to be better. But give it a REAL chance. Not just a couple of days or weeks. Maybe a year or two. At least then you will know what its like to live with that “friend” and without. Early in my quit I wondered if I would go back if I knew an asteroid would destroy the planet in a few days. I know now, the answer is NO WAY!
, now I don't smoke like I used to. You can change as a person, and quitting smoking will be a good change! Keep close and reach out for support as you work through your quit! 
