To quote Dan Harmon, the creator of Rick and Morty, “your feelings are real, but they are not reality” your feelings are absolutely valid, you feel ambushed, you feel setup to fail, that’s real, but were you? The reality is most likely, no. I have BPD and I’ve self medicated with Tobacco, Cannabis, Alcohol, blunt force trauma... I’ve quit 3-4 times and this will be my last(if it’s not I won’t let myself feel guilt or shame, I’ll jump right back on the quit train when able, asap), the guilt or shame or blame never helped me. A friend of mine recently quit for a week then started smoking again, she has PTSD, it is indeed a crutch, a distraction, in a way self medicating. Talking to her after her “giving up” her quit was like talking to myself. I told her, to quit again as soon as she can but not to feel shame, as that shame can be like sinking in mud, gripping you so long and strong, that it’s so hard to quit again and buck those, I’ll quit tomorrow addiction mantras out of ones head. Exercise is a great medication too, sun bathing, walking barefoot outside. I suggest looking into biohacks! And I empathize with your very real pain it sounds excruciating. Back to the reality of feeling ambushed though... I’ve felt ambushed before, triggers can do that, they trigger us and if we don’t have our new coping skills or options strongly in place the only ones we see are our old ones, like smoking. Something that helped me really love myself after this quit, and my last one that involved the “quitters flu”(which was very horrid), was, I’d touch my chest open palm, and I’d say to myself “thank you lungs, I love you, you’re doing your best for me, and I’m grateful to you, I’m grateful to have you working hard for me, and I’m grateful to be here, I love you, thank you, I’m sorry I don’t always take care of you.” I would do this whenever my breathing felt hard, my chest felt heavy, I now do this whenever I feel extremely triggered, I touch my chest with open palms, or any part of me that feels tense, and say” I love you, thank you for working hard so I can be here, thank you heart, for pumping all my blood, thank you lungs for breathing, I love you”. I’ve found that smoking or drinking, is a way to numb myself, and in a way it’s self harm similiar to blunt force trauma.. and learning to love what my body does do for me, even or especially when it’s in pain, has helped me change how I choose my coping patterns and it’s still a work in progress. I think I’m quit like 4 months now? and I’ve read on here that after two sets of holidays pass on your quit, it’s easier and it becomes normal to not smoke, I feel like it’s already normal.... usually... but being around family that smokes or when I cry or am stressed, sometimes my mind flutters there, and I remind myself, two sets of holidays, I’m just thinking about it cause I’m used to it distracting and numbing me, which in a way is good, from pain, but it won’t heal it, so two sets of holidays, and by then I’ll have things that heal my triggers that aren’t tobacco, or other forms of self harm. Like taking a shower, seeing a therapist, taking a walk, taking a nap! Saying a grateful mantra... I know you’re in pain, I believe in you! And I believe you have the power inside you, to do whatever you want to in this lifetime, I sincerely believe you were born, to be you, and that you are beautiful, like everyone else! ❤️ another friend of mine struggles with cocaine addiction, she says everything seems to be testing her, and I say, it is test, we choose our reality, but none of the triggers are going to disappear, they’re there, to remind us, we choose our reality, we choose if we smile, we choose if we hangout with people that smoke, we choose if we smoke because we see other people smoking, we choose if we give ourself a big hug, or guilt ourselves for smoking... we choose this life, and we choose the bends and turns we walk down. ❤️ maybe suffering, is just something we need, to teach something to ourselves, we wanted to learn. I think Ive suffered so that I can empathize better with others who suffer, and I think I’m crawling out of suffering so I can lead by example. Because I love me, and I love you. and I believe you can have anything you want for yourself in this lifetime. and I know what it’s like to not believe that it’s true.
thanks I’ll look into those writings. I really love the excommunity it’s great. Just reading stuff like your post the conversation and responding keeps me going when I experience powerful triggers!
