About a week ago I decided that I want to quit smoking. I have severe anxiety and even thinking about it increases it. I lost my mother 2 years ago, she was 60 years old. She needed a heart and had an LVAD. Her actual cause of death was her trach was pulled out while they were moving her in the hospital. I was diagnosed with PTSD when I was 21. On July 24th, 2017 (11 months on June 24th) my blood pressure was out of control.. like 196/204 (I think?) and I decided then I wanted to live. My average BP was around 180/90 with meds. I no longer had health insurance so I no longer had meds. I have since that moment lost -130 lbs., 6 lbs. to go until I have lost half of my body weight. I can't wait until my goal to quit smoking. I was worried about weight gain but now not so much since I am super active. I don't have much family. My brother was diagnosed with cancer 6 years ago, not yet a cure. He was healthy, never a smoker. I am a wife and a mother. I don't smoke in the house or car and my husband only knows that I smoke. I have been a smoker for 20 years. Again, I am making this decision because I want to live. I don't want to leave my children without a mother if I can do something about it. I feel that smoking makes me feel better, it calms me down. This may be in my head. I am worried that I won't be ok. I feel lost, alone and feel like I need them. I am going to start with the patches. I have hope that they will help me though I am super worried. I can't even go an hour without a cigarette without having to go out again. I know I am saying can't and I can. I have to quit. This is not an option and I CAN and WILL do this!! I am still worried and question my ability. I worry about smoking in the mornings, not sure if the patch will help me with these things. I know it will be baby steps, one moment at a time. Looking at my future as a non-smoker is too much for me. I often put way to much thought into everything. I hope that it's easier than it is in my thoughts. Does the patch help with not wanting a cigarette? How long does it usually last, the thought of wanting one? Does this happen throughout the day, like is it worse in the mornings? I know everyone is different. I tried to google information and there is just too much for me to process. I'm just not sure what to really expect.
