I was stupid. I ate acid, smoked pot and got drunk before I ever picked up a cigarette. Totally lame. I didn’t start cigarettes full time until I was 21. I wish we knew “way back then†that smoking was bad. Maybe I never would have started. I mean, I was doing so well with my other drug use, ya know?
In any event, my addiction got pretty bad about a year before I stopped drinking and doing other drugs. I guess if you’re putting loads of other toxins in your body and topping it off with the cherry that is nicotine, it’s REALLY bad. It was like, “Okay, let me take this pill, this drink, smoke this shit (weed) and fill the rest of my time up with cigarettesâ€. God, I can’t believe I didn’t die.
Well, I am midway through my sixth year of sobriety, and my involvement in self-help groups has NOT been helpful in terms of quitting. Self-help groups are the place to go to be around smokers, cause them folks is dedicated (hollah)! Kidding aside, you can truly find some great folks there who have kicked the habit, but you just gotta find the ones who aren’t going to make you feel like a piece of shit for smoking. I can’t stand the recovering smokers who are also recovering alcoholics who let out the sarcastic cough whenever they walk by you. I feel like, “Fuck you…when did you become so estranged and immune? Who is this person in front of me, because I don’t know you anymoreâ€. I have learned so much from recovery in general, and one of those things is how to be a helpful and caring friend. Some folks miss the boat on that one because they are too busy eating healthy, doing yoga, being better than you and treating you like a piece of shit. But relax my friends, I know many wonderful folks who LOVE health, yoga and organic eats and they are the greatest people I have ever known…you just have to dig a little to find them.
I also work at a behavioral health organization that’s really big on tobacco prevention. I have to say that my team is very supportive and kind; no one has dogged me for being a smoker. But what’s interesting is that I think I have succumbed to what tobacco prevention has kinda inadvertently attempted to accomplish…it has made me feel like a freak for smoking! It’s gotten harder to keep it up. And I am still struggling with the fact that I am “giving inâ€. Mainly because I have always loved to tell the masses to go fuck themselves. Now I am kind of going to them and admitting how much I have been fucking myself. I need to become more comfortable with that part of it.
In the end, it’s all a good thing. Quitting is a wonderful thing no matter what way you look at it. I have had 2 previous attempts, one slightly more successful than the other (12 weeks). I know it can be done again. This Saturday, me and my crew will meet to go over our action plans and the Ex manual. We anticipate our quit date to land on August 2 or 9. I welcome your insight, feedback and other comments.
