To be honest, I don't think any smoker wants to quit. We want to smoke and not have any of the health issues. We want both. When it happened to me, my mind addressed me "choose", it was clear I couldn't have both. When we were younger our body could acclimate to the things we did to it. Whether it was to burn the candles at both ends, drink too much, exercise hard... whatever.
But as we age we are shocked, and we grieve that we can't do things that we used to. We have to work harder and make excuses to ourselves that we can still do it. Having to let go of things that used to be so mindless is very challenging.
I had to take a hard look at what I was doing to myself. I had to decide to keep things as they were even with my body screaming at me to "cut it out" --- or make the change. I began with why do I keep doing what I know is good common sense, scientifically proven that is hazardous to my health, finance, and happiness?
I thought liked it.. but I considered that thought again.. lets see..
I like spending close to 4.00 a pack to burn 20 times, and light up again.
I like that it goes out before i've had a chance to pick it up out of the ashtray,
I like that it is hot and dry and I have to sip on something just to keep my mouth feeling a little moist.
I like it helped me lose weight .. 30yrs ago and now I weight more than I did then.
I liked that it helped me think..do I really need a lit carcinogenic product to think?
I liked that it calmed me down, helped me regroup in my head, get away from the hustle of life for minute..do i need to do that with a cigarette?
I liked that every mirror and window that gets cleaned is brown on the paper towel.. that means the furniture is also brown - hmmm, that means my clothes are brown, that means my 50 something year old body inside is brown - or is it black.
I didn't like waking up in the night with heartburn so severe it felt like a heart attack
I didn't like hearing myself breathing that sounded like crinkling paper .. that's me breathing?
I didn't like that the cost of those cigarettes were really costing me more.
I didn't like learning that smoking is found to cause diabetes.. oh no! I don't want that!
I didn't like that the cigarette had been lying to me. I didn't look good, feel good or smell good.
I had figured a way for years to find the money to buy them ... when all I really need to do was to roll up a dollar bill and glue it together and light it up. And the value of that seemed ridiculous to me.
I'm a cost-effective kind of person. If they raise the price, I kinda think the quality or something should account for the price going up.. instead it was not. I was just older, and having to make a decision. Was nicotine going to have the last say of what I was going to do? ( kind of like being told to do something against your will)
Ya know what it is like to suddenly have a whiff of kerosene or diesel.. ? First thing you do is speak of it's odor, then you try to move away from it - cause it's clinging to the inside of your nose. Your eyes may water and squint... that's the body trying to survive your environment. Stay around that odor for a bit and you start to acclimate to it to the point it doesn't bother anymore. It's still there even when you're not around it. And everyone but me knew I was around it. Kind of like smoking is.
Decide to make smoking disgusting..I mentally made my cigarettes - pickled beets- never putting those in my mouth- it really is a decision. But you have to make it. It's not coming to you. The first several times I had a thought for a cig I had to talk myself out of it and remind myself what I liked and didn't like about it. Now, just repeating the words "pickled beets" conjures up a disgusting thought. I put my cigarette out in pickled beet juice, watched the cigarette become pink-tinged and odor was gross.
Do everything to make yourself decide... no way I'm putting that in my mouth again. The kiss from a cigarette is not a friendly kiss.
