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Give and get support around quitting

Peddler
Member

I wished I had not quit smoking

I am closing in on 9 months without a smoke. The longest I have been in 34 years.  Please dont tell me good job or that's great. I appreciate the good thoughts but I'm really tried of hearing them when I really dont feel like it's a good thing.  I think it's the worst thing I have ever done. I always feel like shit, I dont have any motivation to do anything, I'm moody as hell, and I could go on and on.  I love being outside but now I have no desire to go outside because when I'm out there I want to smoke.  Here spring and summer is and all i can think about is wishing winter would hurry the hell up and get here, and I freaking hate winter.  Stopping smoking has changed everything about my life and not in a good way.  I know all the health benefits are good, you dont have to say all that stuff.  Smokers already know about all the health issues without having to be reminded all the time.  I am having a hard time finding happiness in my life without smoking.  Cigarettes have always been there.  They have been with me in the good, bad, happy, sad, mornings, evenings, afternoons, nights, vacations, hanging out with friends, working outdoors, camping, fishing times and the list could go on and on forever.  It's like that country song "Long neck ice cold beer never broke my heart". That's how I feel about cigarettes.  They have always been there for me.  In ever aspect of life since I was 11 years old, I am now 46. If it was not for my wife and kids giving me hell about it I would have already started back. I get tired of them always on my back about it, and yes I know its because they love me and want me to be healthier, but I look at it has they dont want me to be happy.  I would love to just go out back and set on my deck and enjoy this beautiful day, but I have no desire to do that without smoking, so here I am hanging out in the house wasting this beautiful day.  Sorry for such a long rant! Just wanted to get some thoughts off my mind. Is there anyone else out there that feels this way or am I the only one?  Thanks for reading and being a listening ear!!

83 Replies
Gai.C
Member

Over 2 years ago I Quit with the Help of God. Ive not had One bad day. Not one craving.  It was the best decision of My Life.  Love my Smoberity more than Anything.  Building a Healthier lifestyle Every day. Workout it will help u more than u know. 

djmurray
Member

I think most of us thought of cigarettes as our "friend."  I'm certain I said that I was afraid of losing my friend in my first blog on this site.  But I've come to look at the word "friend." differently now.  This is an essay posted first on WhyQuit.com, and it has spoken to me on the issue of losing a "friend."  

How do you feel about a friend who has to go everywhere with you? Not only does he tag along all the time, but since he is so offensive and vulgar, you become unwelcome when with him. He has a peculiar odor that sticks to you wherever you go. Others think both of you stink.

He controls you totally. When he says jump, you jump. Sometimes in the middle of a blizzard or storm, he wants you to come to the store and pick him up. You would give your spouse hell if he or she did that to you all the time, but you can't argue with your friend. Sometimes, when you are out at a movie or play he says he wants you to go stand in the lobby with him and miss important scenes. Since he calls all the shots in your life, you go. Your friend doesn't like your choice of clothing either. Instead of politely telling you that you have lousy taste, he burns little holes in these items so you will want to throw them out. Sometimes, he tires of the furniture and gets rid of it too. Occasionally, he gets really nasty and decides the whole house must go.

He gets pretty expensive to support. Not only is his knack of property destruction costly, but you must pay to keep him with you. In fact, he will cost you thousands of dollars over your lifetime. And you can count on one thing, he will never pay you a penny in return.

Often at picnics you watch others playing vigorous activities and having lots of fun doing them. But your friend won't let you. He doesn't believe in physical activity. In his opinion, you are too old to have that kind of fun. So he kind of sits on your chest and makes it difficult for you to breathe. Now you don't want to go off and play with other people when you can't breathe, do you?

Your friend does not believe in being healthy. He is really repulsed by the thought of you living a long and productive life. So every chance he gets he makes you sick. He helps you catch colds and flu. Not just by running out in the middle of the lousy weather to pick him up at the store. He is more creative than that. He carries thousands of poisons with him which he constantly blows in your face. When you inhale some of them, they wipe out cilia in your lungs which would have helped you prevent these diseases.

But colds and flu are just his form of child's play. He especially likes diseases that slowly cripple you - like emphysema. He considers this disease great. Once he gets you to have this, you will give up all your other friends, family, career goals, activities - everything. You will just sit home and caress him, telling him what a great friend he is while you desperately gasp for air.

But eventually your friend tires of you. He decides he no longer wishes to have your company. Instead of letting you go your separate ways, he decides to kill you. He has a wonderful arsenal of weapons behind him. In fact, he has been plotting your death since the day you met him. He picked all the top killers in society and did everything in his power to ensure you would get one of them. He overworked your heart and lungs. He clogged up the arteries to your heart, brain, and every other part of your body. In case you were too strong to succumb to this, he constantly exposed you to cancer causing agents. He knew he would get you sooner or later.

Well, this is the story of your "friend," your cigarette. No real friend would do all this to you. Cigarettes are the worst possible enemies you ever had. They are expensive, addictive, socially unacceptable, and deadly. Consider all this and NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

virgomama
Member

djmurray

What a wonderful story.  This should be in the Best of Ex.    Thanks for sharing it. 

Cindy

Swanbird
Member

Oh yes I went through this the other day.  the first nice spring day and all I wanted to do is go sit on my patio and smoke especially after being stuck in all the time.  Man I miss it!  I got through it and now it's cold again so I don't care for now... but always another first for me around the corner.

Benedina
Member

Peddler....I logged onto this wonderful site today after a long hiatus. You put into words exactly how I am feeling right now. For all the great folks here who are supportive and encouraging, I get that they just want to be, well...lol, supportive and encouraging.  We all have our own journey and I greatly miss my vapes.  I started smoking 45 years ago, quit through starting to vape 7 years ago,  quit vaping four days ago and currently on Nicorette day four.  The only real reason I quit was twofold, that if I got this virus I wouldn’t be desperately trying to get refill cartridges at a moments notice and two, I just can’t afford it anymore as I vaped all day everyday.  Even with the crutch of Nicorette, I’m a basket case and my poor husband is incurring the wrath.  I KNOW it’s a good thing to start the journey in getting rid of any kind of nicotine...that’s my goal now, but there are thoughts about how much I loved both smoking and vaping. 

I guess what I’m trying to say Peddler is just thanks. You had the courage to share how you really feel, and I suspect that there are many of us out there that feel the same. With that...for whatever reasons we stopped, I am praying that sometime, SOMETIME in the future, for you, me, and others, a light comes forth and we say “ ohhhh, I get it now....it IS so much better without smoking or vaping .” 

Bless you for being courageous enough to share your true feelings and reach out here. You helped me tremendously in not beating myself up for feeling the same. Praying that a month/months/year from now it feels much different/better and we delight in our journey and accomplishment. I DO know this is the place to be. The people here are some of the most amazing I’ve ever encountered, through their posts, insights, and advice. Take care Peddler and thanks again. 

Peddler
Member

Thank you!! 

I hope the best for you in your journey. You will be in my prayers.

0 Kudos
Benedina
Member

Thanks Peddler, for your prayers. I decided to start on the 2 mg nicorette instead of the four.  It’s a challenge, but so far I haven’t slipped, so I’m staying on the 2 mg program. The thing about vaping is, that it increases nicotine receptors exponentially, as it’s all day, every day. At least with cigarettes in the past, I had to wait to go outside.   And if you don’t mind, also pray A little for my poor husband who somehow, even incurring my withdrawal wrath, is staying the course.  Poor guy doesn’t know which monster is coming next....thinks his new name is “AREYOUSTILLHERE???”

Ashley1985
Member

You doing great even if you think the opposite.  Definitely will keep y'all in prayer.  Your quit becomes his quit.  The saying, "This too shall pass" does apply.  I feel confident things will get better and better.  You are not alone.  This community made such a difference in my quit.  God bless.

0 Kudos
Ashley1985
Member

It is good to rant and let your feelings out.  There a lot of people your post will help.  I smoked my first cigarette at 9yrs old.  I'm 60 now.  I have stopped several times.  The longest for 3 yrs.  I stopped last October.  The truth is I enjoy smoking but was my thing.  My health is the main reason.  I do have occasion where I think about smoking.  You are not alone.  Hold on!

GLQuinn1509
Member

Thank you so much for sharing your feelings . You are not alone . I have weird feelings at time too .