Well, yesterday I was halfway through day 3 and got into an argument with my boyfriend (or ex, I'm not exactly sure what we even are at the moment), and I made the stupid decision to buy a pack and proceeded to smoke them all. This has become a pattern for me since I started smoking again last November. Before that, I had been quit for 2 years, and before that I had a nearly 9 year quit under my belt and never thought I would smoke again, never thought of it or missed it or anything. I've done all the reading, know how nicotine addiction works, have distraction plans and all of that. Since November though, I have had probably over a dozen quit attempts and most only lasted a day or 2, one lasted a week. I always feel solid in the quit until I get into an argument with my boyfriend. As soon as that happens, my entire mood changes, I seem to lose all resolve and feel like "who cares" about my quit, and I go back to it. In the beginning, he was very supportive of me quitting (he quit himself 6 years ago, before we met), but lately, he says nothing or very little, and I didn't even tell him I was quitting this time until yesterday for fear this would happen again or fear he wouldn't even take me seriously since I've tried to quit countless times now since November and they never stick. When I mentioned it, he said nothing. I was expecting at least a "good job." I know I should not have let that affect me so much, but it hurt that he did not seem to care. He said he has started staying out of it because he feels like in the past I have later "used it against him" when he encouraged me to quit because I've worried he isn't attracted to me as a smoker (since I taste and smell like an ashtray and I feel it has affected my looks as well...).
Any advice on how I can stop this pattern other than the obvious of stop buying cigarettes? I think I will just stop mentioning my quits to him at all now until maybe I am farther along. I had other stress yesterday as well with car issues and work, but I was firm in my resolve not to smoke until I had this argument with him, and then my thought pattern leads to "well if he doesn't even care, why should I," and I just give up.
Also, am I going to have to start over with the physical withdrawals now? I felt like the nicotine had mostly left my system, and I was already sleeping much better, my anxiety was down overall, I was breathing better, etc. Last night, after smoking again, I slept horribly and woke up feeling like crap and exhausted once again. I'm basically torturing myself putting myself through withdrawal and trying to quit like once every week for months!
