hi Joey! i'm so proud that you've reached out!
first of all, great job on the the first hour!
second... physical numbness can be anything! i have a numb pinky from the way i lean on my elbow when i'm on the computer... amputation was never mentioned as an option!!! not even surgery!! have actually never heard of such an extreme measure... but totally understand the fear of that option!!
third, I can totally relate to all kinds of fear, guilt and depression that come with smoking. and know that avoiding an issue can often feel so much less scary to handle and smoking can also ease those feelings.
But now, i truly believe that it's all part of the tricks of addiction, it's absolutely not your fault! and it can, and will, go away! it's a difficult cycle to get control of... you feel depressed, even suicidal, so why would it matter if you smoked?
but the addiction creates and feeds into those thoughts! i've felt it so many times!
i quit 2 weeks ago, so i'm no expert, but already think differently than i have for the past 15 years!
the guilt is gone, i feel strong and in control. i can't erase what i have done, but it's ok because i've made a fresh start!
i feel so much better and that gives me the satisfaction and reassurance that its never too late!!
i can breathe, i can run, i don't cough, my throat feels better, i smell good, i feel calm and fresh!
i know what it's like to feel worthless, depressed, and out of control, but it can be so much less!!
it doesn't need to be about smoking, and it definitely won't be resolved through smoking...
and you are absolutely right that hope heals all and brings happiness!!
i know that you have the strength and knowledge to achieve your goal!!
It also sounds like you have a very supportive fiancee too which must help so much!!
I have no medical background or experience, but for the record, I am using Welbutrin, and it has not only eliminated cravings, but has calmed so much of the guilt, mild depression and obsessive thinking that i thought were eased, but most likely caused by, smoking.
I have no doubt, but pray that you will find the peace that I have, by walking away from this part of your life, that I actually thought I enjoyed. It is so quickly obvious that the craving skews all thoughts and is just as quickly fixed through medication and this program.
much love and support!!!!
here for you whenever you need it!!!
