I failed myself

[RHRS]

Well, I failed myself. I was doing great being smoke free, exercising, losing weight and all, but since September I’ve been on a down spiral. You see, I was laid off last year and it’s been tough to find another job in my industry, so I decided to sell my house so I could move freely. I thought I was managing the situation well until I started drinking wine almost every night. And the wine led me to buy a pack of cigarettes and before I knew it, I was smoking half a pack every day with wine. Depression kicked in, gained 20lbs. And to make matters worse I came out to my siblings during Christmas and well, let’s just say I won’t be getting a birthday card this year. 

On March 15, after drinking half a bottle of wine and puffed 10 cigarettes, my throat started hurting and I couldn’t swallow so I rushed to an urgent care center. They ran some tests and the result was flu type a. Luckily I didn’t have fever, but it knocked me down for 5 days, which i used to kick the habit once again. 

I haven’t touched a cigarette since,  but this time I feel super tired all day, to the point of exhaustion, shortness of breath, can’t exercise as I used to, dry cough, and dizziness. 

I can’t tell if it’s depression, post flu symptoms, allergies, smoking withdrawal or something bad. Has anyone experienced all of this symptoms after quitting? 

Sorry for venting in here but needed to put it in writing. 

[bonniebee]

I have nothing new to add as far as advice goes you got plenty from some of our very wise Elders but I want to welcome you To Ex you are in the right place to get so much support !

[anaussiemom]

Please see a physician.   Those are your best choices at this time. 

[desiree465]

Oh my. It seems like the world is really dumping on you no wonder you're having a tough time. I think every single person on this site agrees that stepping away from alcohol for a bit is the first thing you should do. I stay away from alcohol when I'm depressed because it just makes it worse and I end up crying for hours and drowning in self pity. I was sick when I started my quit and yes it helped those first few days when I was going through withdraw because I didn't want to smoke anyway. But I still got the withdraw symptoms and I couldn't even force myself to the gym because I would have died on the equipment. Depression was the most horrible symptom and as soon as I felt better I got my butt to the gym or did some other physical activity. I still have to force myself some days. I feel your pain. Sometimes when I'm in a really down mood I tell myself Desiree there is going to come a time when you don't feel like this, by tomorrow this mood will pass and you'll feel back to normal. It wasn't always true but for some reason telling myself that gave me hope and assurance that sometime soon I would gain back my happiness and that this depression was only temporary. Give yourself some hope, because it's a powerful emotion, even more powerful then sadness. 

[RHRS]

Thank you for your kind note. You know what? I never considered depression in my life but I wonder if I should look into it. Thanks. 

[desiree465]

It really is worth looking into. Sometimes depression is caused by a chemical imbalance but sometimes it's caused by circumstances in our lives. And in your situation most of us would not fair so well, it seems like it's one thing after another. Keep us updated on how you're doing. 

[RHRS]

I will and thanks! By the way, I just saw on the news that Michael Phelps has struggled with depression several times…definitely looking into it.

Cheers.

[smorgy8513]

Glad you're back.......you aren't the first that had to start over........

[RHRS]

Amen. Thank you for that. 

[karenjones]

@RHRS  I had this discussion with Dr. Hays  on his blog this week under trouble sleeping. check it out. Gee, man, you are a recovering addict, your body is healing , you have been abusing it for some time, of course you will feel tired, etc. etc. this is normal, you are detoxing, drink lots and lots of fluids, take vitamin C, get lots of rest.  being unemployed now is a bonus, can you imagine trying to quit while working???? I know, and lots of people try it that way. I am unemployed now too and am in my own rehab. You are in rehab. Check this out. Depression: the case for a monoamine deficiency. - PubMed - NCBI  and this   and this Online MBSR/Mindfulness (Free)   this should keep you busy for a while and not smoking.  Also please go to the expert advice section at the top right of the home page. Dr. Hays is great and will answer any of your questions too.  and this Hypnosis to quit smoking mindfully - YouTube  thank heavens you have the time to rehab.  it will get better.

[elvan]

RHRS  Welcome back to EX...we are all here to support you in this journey.  I am so sorry for all that you have had to deal with and I am so sorry that your family is not accepting you for who you are.  You are who you are and that should not be something to feel shame or stress about.  We all want to help you to go forward.  Quitting smoking is not easy but it IS possible and it is worth every moment of angst you may feel.  DO drink lots and lots of water and if your symptoms continue and please get evaluated by a doctor if these symptoms persist.  I am really glad that you are here...sending a great big cyber hug in your direction.

Ellen