I failed myself

[RHRS]

Well, I failed myself. I was doing great being smoke free, exercising, losing weight and all, but since September I’ve been on a down spiral. You see, I was laid off last year and it’s been tough to find another job in my industry, so I decided to sell my house so I could move freely. I thought I was managing the situation well until I started drinking wine almost every night. And the wine led me to buy a pack of cigarettes and before I knew it, I was smoking half a pack every day with wine. Depression kicked in, gained 20lbs. And to make matters worse I came out to my siblings during Christmas and well, let’s just say I won’t be getting a birthday card this year. 

On March 15, after drinking half a bottle of wine and puffed 10 cigarettes, my throat started hurting and I couldn’t swallow so I rushed to an urgent care center. They ran some tests and the result was flu type a. Luckily I didn’t have fever, but it knocked me down for 5 days, which i used to kick the habit once again. 

I haven’t touched a cigarette since,  but this time I feel super tired all day, to the point of exhaustion, shortness of breath, can’t exercise as I used to, dry cough, and dizziness. 

I can’t tell if it’s depression, post flu symptoms, allergies, smoking withdrawal or something bad. Has anyone experienced all of this symptoms after quitting? 

Sorry for venting in here but needed to put it in writing. 

[aderb]

Welcome back, I'm so sorry to hear how tough it is for you right now, I'm a newbie so I can't give much by way of advice but many many hugs and good wishes, just think how even our worst of times will be better when we are smokefree. Let's hang on cos we've got this!!

[cpsono]

Don’t ever apologize for venting here! This is a place to do it and everyone is here for you. I’m sorry for your recent challenges but I’m glad you’re not smoking...hope to see you around here often; you won’t find a better group of people!

[mivida2018]

I am glad you are back. And make the best decision one more time. Drinking can lead you to do a lot of things. I been free from smoking for 5 month. At moments I cry I thought  I couldn't live without smoking as time when by I realize that it's up to me. On February 3rd 2018 I got a call from Back home my Mother of 94 years old stop eating. I went to see my Mom and I was sad I Thought I was going to start smoking again because the situation my relatives were smoking so it was so easy to ask for just one. But I didn't I wanted to stick to that decision I made 5 Months ago I didn't wanted to make any promises to anyone just to myself that no matter what I wouldn't smoke. On March 4th of 2018 after a month my Mother  died  it was sad but I still didn't wanted to smoke  I came back to the USA and continue with my life. Welcome back to Freedom from Smoking. 

[RHRS]

Love this. Thanks for sharing!!!

[elvan]

mivida2018  Beautiful testimonial to your commitment.  There are LOTS of them here RHRS‌, people have been through unthinkable losses and have not smoked because they accepted the fact that smoking will do nothing FOR you, only TO you!  

Ellen

[PRAIRIEROSELADY]

Welcome Back! Lots of good advice, shared here with you. So sorry, about the issues with your family accepting you for who you are. Hang in there and give them some time. Sometimes, it just takes awhile for family to realize you are still the same person you always were.  Use all the resources you can find, to help you get back on track. The Exer's here will always have your back. They kept me on track, when I thought I couldn't make it. Hope to see you posting often. Keeping us all informed as you move forward with your journey ..... I'm sure when you start looking there are many areas of interest for you. THINKING OUT OF THE BOX IS AN AWESOME IDEA!!!!!

PRAIRIE 52 DOF

[Bdwallhau]

@RHRS, I'm sorry for the rough spiral. You came back here, which was a smart thing to do. I quit on Feb. 27, and the support here has been a huge part of why I've made it this first month without smoking. I hope you find it as helpful as I do.

I have found quitting smoking to be so liberating (I wrote a blog post about that this evening, actually). When I'm stressed, I try not to focus on how hard it has been to quit, but on the freedom it has given me. You are fortunate in that you have been doubly liberated: you came out to your siblings, and you've quit smoking.  This is your time, it seems to me, a time to reclaim who you are, without any need to hide, and without the distortion of addiction.  That's pretty exciting. 

Take good care of yourself, rest, and heal. 

Best of luck to you! 

Dawn

[RHRS]

Thank you very much for your advise and comments. "not to focus on how hard it has been to quit, but on the freedom it has given me." - This is so powerful and will stick in my mind for the rest of my journey. God Bless. 

[maryfreecig]

Thank for sharing your story. No one wants to feel super stressed, fearful and fragile. By you coming here, it looks like you are ready put the pieces back together--that's what matters now.

[RHRS]

Hello everyone, happy to report day 16 of being smoke free. Also, I had some tests done, blood cell count, mono, kidney, liver test are essentially normal, making a serious infection unlikely. My energy levels are almost back to normal and my head feels less foggy. I think it was a combination of post flu, smoking withdrawal and depression. Oh, and I passed my 2nd round of interviews with Aetna Healthcare so that's good, but most of all, I'm happy that I haven't touched a cigarette or a glass of wine. 

Thanks again to everyone, and if you happen to have a family member struggling with their identity, or you're the one who struggles with who they are, I suggest to read UnClobber by Pastor Colby Martin. It's been liberating to. 

Happy Easter/Passover everyone!