Help

[Freedomcat]

I've been panicking the past few days. Almost constant in the past 48 hours. Feeling completely overwhelmed. Terrified, a sense of impending doom, clenching burning in my belly, mind racing, overwhelming grief. Dont feel safe anywhere. 

I havent felt this way I about 2.5 years when i had a breakdown and went on stress leave for a year. Its come back with my quit and the only thing I can think of doing that feels safe right now mlm is to smoke. It's my safe place. Its what I turned to whenever I was overwhelmed and consumed with panic in the past. It's what I turned to when my mom on died suddenly 19 years ago. Now I dont know where to turn and the grief and fear feel absolutely overwhelming. 

The idea of smoking seems better than this. I dont feel I can cope with life like this. 

And I dont know if any of you can really help me. But thought I'd try.  

[Freedomcat]

I tried ativan a few years ago. It was like bliss. Until 7 hours later when it wore off and the panic would come crashing back even harder. Used it for about a week then ran out of what I had been prescribed  and went back basically begging for more. Its then I realized I couldn't use them...way too addictive. 

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Do you remember what dose they gave you? I was on the very lowest dose. It calmed me but I never felt blissfull using it.

[Freedomcat]

For sure the lowest dose.  By blissful I mean calm.  A feeling of calm after panic 24/7 ffor months is pure bliss. 

Anyway, not for me. 

[Gwenivere]

I’m glad you only needed them for a break.  I have to take mine every day even if I feel OK.  I know I am dependent on them, but there’s an old saying about anxiety disorder.  I’d rather be addicted to them than my house.  Afraid to leave.  They are good to have in your toolbox.  Nothing worse than being hit by panic too in this battle.

[jconfusion]

u should learn to love being you are you ok being who you are?  can u  be in  silence and not freak out? find a book at the library or let it find you...I used to work at a used book store and found this amazing book called she buideth her house by will levington comfort.  or Ishmael by Daniel quinn or 

Shambhala: The Sacred Path of the Warrior by Chogyam Trungpa I go to omvana.com to have guided meditation.  

or go watch a funny movie meditate  do yoga.   good luck! hugs

[Deena-A-Yenni]

Exxxxxxcellent!!!!

[Deena-A-Yenni]

Just coming on board.  I've read today's events.  How is the evening going Freedomcat@??

[Pawr]

Hope you're still with us. If you slipped,  quit again. And again. And again! You can do it. Cigarettes are a slow road to horrible health problems and misery. I say they are an expensive legal suicide. 

[Freedomcat]

Thanks Pawr‌, I'm still here. Havent smoked.  Hanging in by a thread. 

[elvan]

Freedomcat‌ Congratulations, you ARE doing this.  Keep taking it a minute at a time, a feeling at a time.  Recovery is not easy but it is SO WORTH IT.

Stay close to the site, reach out...just like you DID.  There is no way to rush this, I wish there was a magic wand...then again, I am not sure we would appreciate where we are when we get free if it was just a wave of a wand.  I am so grateful for my freedom, I mean that.

We are here.

Ellen