Guess I should have quit sooner...

[Troutnut1]

This is a hard note to write. Because I smoked for so long, and so much, my doctor and I decided I should have a low dose CT scan to look For lung cancer. And the good news is that I don’t have lung cancer. But the bad news is that I have “severe emphysema”. Kind of wishing I didn’t know that right about now. 

I got the call while visiting my 86 year old mom in California. It instantly took my breath away even though I am probably in the best shape of my life otherwise. After a hospitalization for breathing problems and early emphysema in the 90’s, Mrs. Troutnut and I did quit smoking 18.5 years ago. And we dedicated ourselves to being in better shape. We eat clean, weight train at a gym with a great trainer 2 days a week, water aerobics 2 days a week, and treadmill at home. We skied hard over 60 days last year. 

For about three days after that call I became very depressed, imagined myself out of breath, lost a lot of sleep, and scared myself to death. I sat around waiting to die. When I didn’t die, I decided I’d better go home to my beautiful wife, doggie, and kitty.

Mrs. Troutnut has been incredible. Of course I worry about her the most. My smoking was a selfish and destructive act and will ultimately hurt the ones I love the most. I’m afraid I’m still moving through the stages of grief and I’m not fully to the “acceptance” stage yet. Depression comes and goes. I try my best to keep it away with my music and gratitude for all I have positive in my life. 

I don’t plan on checking out any time soon, and I do plan to fight this as best as I can. I am certain that I would have been dead long ago were it not for my quit snd for Quitnet. Hopefully I can stay a little ahead of this diseases progression and continue to help myself and others here.

Once Quitnet is gone, I may be found at the 

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/welcome website. And I plan to hang around Quitnet until they turn the lights out.

I figure Quitnet has given me at least an extra 20 years so far, maybe more. In the two decades I’ve been hanging around Quitnet I have been diagnosed with emphysema, liver cancer (wrongly), colon cancer (saved by surgery), addictions to nicotine and alcohol (although thankfully I don’t have to smoke or drink anymore), pulmonary hypertension, and now severe emphysema. So I guess I should be used to this by now.

If you haven’t yet quit, please do. The regret you will suffer later will be far worse than any temporary quitting discomforts. If you have quit, stay quit. Don’t take that FIRST puff, no matter what happens, and it is physically impossible to fail.

Your friend in Montana

Troutnut1-dennis 

[ClearColors]

((((((((( Troutnut1‌ ))))))))))))))))))  You've been through a bit of hell recently, and as you said, you didn't die. Geez Louise ~ Thank goodness!!!

Throughout the years, when I am stuck, I go here to Silent Unity Prayer Request:  https://www.unity.org/prayer/request-prayer 

I write out a prayer and send it.  They pray over it for 30 days. Answers come, and I relax in that knowledge.

The universe is helping you through this.  You are doing all you can. Rest in that knowledge.   I am sooooo very glad the gentlemen was at the meeting and you two found each other and he is accompanying you!  Serendipity & synchronicity  ~ Amen ~

You are one of the ~ brightest~ lights to many.  Always wishing you well.

*Remember "Stop, Don't Touch, Get an Adult" You are still doing that and leading the way.

I am so glad you are here, in so many ways.  Thank God

Praying with you and for you.

Blessings to you Dearheart and Mrs. Troutnut

You are in my heart. 

Huge HUGS,

Nancy

Looky Dennis >> DOF   * I reached 15 years 11/22/19, Thank you

[Sootie]

Troutnut1 These are two GREAT posts.....thank you so much for coming on and sharing them. I know all of you Quitnet people miss your old site...............but we are happy to have you with us.

[MarilynH]

Huge caring hug coming your way Troutnut1 thank you so much for sharing.....

[RebeccaNDBecky]

Thank you for sharing your story.

[Strudel]

Wow - I was getting ready to thank you for your blog, which was powerful - and then I saw your added comment. Goose bump moment with that. Like you, I had the screening CT scan. (I smoked for 40 years and quit 9 years ago.)  Mine was back in the spring. They did find mild emphysema - but, also cancer. Oh my....! That has led to quite a journey. Luckily it was caught early, but I had to have surgery to remove the right lower lobe of my lung.
A similar thing happened to me the day after the cancer diagnosis - I was with a friend at a concert. I was so upset...and I truly did not think I could tell anyone about the cancer. I hadn’t told her or anyone. My friend and I were with a group of her friends. I did not know the others. My friend mentioned that one of the women was a lung cancer survivor! Just out of the blue - but, that gave me the courage to tell her about my diagnosis. She then told me that the woman sitting on my other side was a nurse and that I should talk to her. It turned out her mother was a lung cancer survivor too - same surgery to remove the lobe. The point - opening ourselves to others around us can make such a difference. To me that has always also been the beauty of this site - we share and we help each other. So, you are a welcome addition here! Thank you! 

[YoungAtHeart]

You both have touched my heart tonight.  We NEED each other -so happy you both found another.

[beazel]

Thank you for sharing. 

[constanceclum]

I have been living with severe copd for several yr. Probably about 5, and for most of that time I smoked. I haven't even had many symptoms. Well I got pneumonia last May and that chest tightness and shortness of breath didn't go away so I had my last cigarette on July 28th. I function very well. I also deal with depression and anxiety, but I've also had a lot of good honest AA which helps me not go "off the chain" or get suicidal or not function. I enjoy my life. I wish I had never started smoking. I'm 61 and smoked for 48 yrs. So we live a little differently, I function but have freq. rest periods, I use an inhaler and occassionally a nebulizer, I go to the gym. Pulmonary Rehab is a wonderful program for people with copd if you haven't had it. I do have a nodule in my lung which might or might not have some cancer cells. It was too early to tell so we'll repeat in Jan. I'm not worried about a few cancer cells, it's the growing nodule. I already had 1 nodule removed and my copd is so bad, the surgeon doesn't want to operate again so depending on what the CT scan shows in Jan. I might be going to Duke medical center. I live about 3&1/2 hours from there. I choose to live 1 day at a time and not dwell on things I can't control. I have a wonderful relationship with my higher power and life is good.. And welcome to EX

.

[Troutnut1]

I am very grateful for these posts and the hope they contain. Your post is especially helpful and relevant and I thank you. I will utilize your good suggestions. Always good to see another friend of Bill’s here too. My new doctor suggested diet, more fiber, and red wine of all things. I am currently having good success at keeping the depression wolf off of my doorstep using gratitude. You and my other friends here have helped a lot with that!

Your friend in Montana

Troutnut1-dennis

[WaynenMary]

Praying for you Troutnut1‌ and your family, take a deep breath and keep moving on. If writing was a cure for all diseases you would be the cure.  Again hugs and positive thoughts for you.  We will light a candle for you on Wednesday that you can keep up the great attitude and living life as you have....happy and full of life. .