For Better or Worse... How do I quit when my husband still smokes?

[lisa49]

My quit date is July 4th, and I've removed the paraphernalia from my office and my car. But what about my house? I've tried to quit smoking before, but every time I see my husband light up, I want one too. He's offered to go to the garage where I can't see him instead of smoking on the patio, but I still see lighters, etc, and I still know he's going to smoke, which makes me want to smoke to smoke and to spend a few more minutes with him. What do I do?

[katie-boo]

Sometimes it takes the very action of quitting, this will inspire your husband by you leading by example. Good luck on the 4th! Stay strong

[beth20]

hey lisa, hope your doing well. i am kinda in the same place as you. my husband still smokes. we use to have cigarettes in the morning together on the deck. he would go to the garage and i would follow to have one. i miss the time we spent and sometimes i get jealous he still smokes and i chose to stop.i really depended on him looked forward to his coming home cause i'm to cheap to buy my own, he always has smokes.i would bum from him! i have my children move the pack and lighter when i can't stand looking at it. if i pick them up i might throw the pack away then that wouldn't be good! so i guess we have to find out how to have quaiilty time with the husbands without the cigarettes and communicate what we need from them. this is my first week smoke free. one more thing if you are ready to separate from smoking you can do this.just follow the plan keep track of you smokes.... is that your baby ?shes beautiful!!!

[tami2]

This always messed me up before too because just SEEING my husband is such a big trigger. I don't even have to see him smoking, just seeing him period is a trigger because we shared the last 22 years smoking together and I guess it was a part of our relationship that kept us close. I have tried for years to quit smoking and used to think that after I got over withdrawal it was alright for him to smoke in front of me again. I have changed my mind. I used to think that it wasn't fair to him to ask him not to smoke around me but now I realize it's not fair to ME that I have to keep using my will power to resist. I have actually wondered very seriously if I might have to get divorced just to save my life. He has been really good about it. I told him that if he wants to continue smoking that is his business but that I want it out of MY life. I don't want to see it, smell it, or know where he keeps his stash, etc. I know it sounds like I'm being a bitch but I finally decided that this was just too important and that this issue was something that has been standing in my way for a long time. I know that he will, in time, decide to quit too if I can just STAY quit. He's seen me stop and start so many times that he doesn't take it seriously and figures that if he quits, I"LL just start again and mess him up! Good luck to you!

[edy]

hey Tami.....im in the same situation as you basically; except for beeing legally wed that is,though if bigomy wasnt illegal I could be commonlaw. Mines been good to an extent But I am serious about my quit too, even though I cant be quite as demanding I do have 1 NONSMOKING room..... quite a nice room it is all the necessities,aka a T.V. Chaise + table for my coffee..... happy happy

[lisa49]

My whole apartment is non-smoking 🙂

[lisa49]

No kidding... maybe we can go out on the deck with our husbands still... and NOT smoke. That is my baby, thanks 🙂 I tell myself every minute I spend smoking is one less minute I spend with her, but it's hard not to smoke when I'm at work, too.

[mark_m2]

Hi,
I'm quitting smoking even though my roommate still smokes...it doesn't make quitting any easier, nor does it make it any harder, imho (I'm not emotionally involved w/my roommate is the only difference I think).
Congrats on setting your quit date, hope it goes well for you.

[jim_taddeo]

Lisa,
I'm doing it with minimal support. My wife keeps telling me I'm not going to last while she is smoking on the porch! She's wrong! She's going to find out the hard way that she is wrong. I love her very much but I have to do this for me alone. It is the only way I have ever stopped any of my vices. No court, no lover, no anything other than me and my genuine desire to do what it takes. It will get easier, I can assure you that it will. IT IS SO WORTH IT that you will wonder why you didn't do it long before. We are addicts. It sucks! But that's nothing but a little thing. It is tricky and downright tough at times. If you are scared thats OK and very normal. If you are apprehensive that is very normal too. Keep this in mind and heart, we are here doing the same thing as you and we know exactly what your going through. I haven't written a book on quitting smoking, I'm doing it with you! God bless you and I am proud of you.

Jim

[jim_taddeo]

I got drilled by my addict wife last night! Here is a good one. I have to leave this support group because there are women here online and I will be making arrangements to fool around with one of you very soon! So why would I be lieing to her! "I thought you were talking to this Cliff guy online not a bunch of women", "I would just quit and not need any online support group....puff..puff" She'll be pissed that I posted this. Yep! So what! I would be pissed to if I didn't want you to jeapordize my active addiction. 🙂 She forgot one of the cardinal rules of addiction and obviously knows little of recovery. NEVER TRY TO BS A MASTER BS'er. WE SEE RIGHT THROUGH IT AND INTO THE REAL MEANING IN BEHIND. You must resolve to quit for you and only you. You must follow through with that resolve even if it is by yourself.......literally. I AM and I love her very much.

Here is where I followed that line of reasoning out to. I AM DONE SMOKING! I HAVE NOT SMOKED A CIGARETTE in some 9 DAYS now and I'm not going to even if I wind up with divorce number 3. No one said it was easy! Don't think you are alone and I'm here to stay and here to be a master QUITTER.

Jim

[lisa49]

Well, my hubby goes on travel for a week next week, then home a week, then gone three weeks. Hopefully while he's gone I get a head start!