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Give and get support around quitting

missellen
Member

Fell Off the Wagon

Ugh. Well, I did it, I smoked. I pretty much knew I was going to. I fought it for a few days, but not hard enough. I didn't come here much, I didn't talk to anyone IRL about it, I gave myself a few half-hearted "pep" talks and then went and bought a pack.  

I knew I was giving in to the addict part of me and I DIDN'T CARE  -- that's what's so disturbing about it.  WHY didn't I care?  Why didn't I care enough about myself and my quit to fight it?  To come here, where I know there is overwhelming support?  To talk to my husband or my mom who are huge supporters of me and my quit?  I'm not entirely sure. I wanted to smoke is ultimately the bottom line.  I wanted to smoke and I didn't want to smoke, but the wanting beat out the not wanting.

So, after nearly two weeks of being quit cold turkey, when the nicotine was presumably all flushed out of my system, I smoked to beat the band. I smoked until I felt sick (on purpose). I smoked and smoked and smoked all on the down low, I might add. Not in the house, not around anyone, but in my car in a parking lot while it was still dark out in the morning--like a fugitive; a criminal. Because that is how I felt.

After smoking like a chimney, I threw the remainder of the pack and the lighter away. I went to the car wash and cleaned the inside of the car--cleaned the windows, the dash, vacuumed it out and sprayed it with sandalwood spray.

I stopped in the store and restocked up on cinnamon gum and lemons.  The hubby was nice enough to buy me m&m's and good and plenty and a very sweet card telling me how proud he was of me (um, can you say guilt) yesterday. I'll have to fess up when he wakes up.

I came home and threw my clothes in the washer and took a shower.

And now, here I sit, with a nice, tall glass of ice cold lemon water and feeling like a jerk. But, I can't allow this to lead me into smoking full time again. I can't. I won't. My gym bag is already packed up for the morning and I'm busy for a lot of today, so that will help. I have to go reset my quit day now. I'm now just about an hour into my quit.

Tags (1)
84 Replies
Giulia
Member

Interesting indeed!

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espivey
Member

I know how you feel....I bought a pack yesterday after almost 2 weeks of cold turkey. It makes me feel so humiliated.  If my husband knew he would be so disappointed.

I hope the next two weeks turns into 4 for you.  Best wishes.

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Kimshine
Member

Hey espivey, Do you plan to jump right back on board? I sure hope so!

Ask for help before you give yourself permission to smoke!

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missellen
Member

I understand the feeling, espivey, but it happens to the best of us. The more I read on this site, the better I feel, because having a relapse is so common.  Don't beat yourself up too badly--I know it's hard not to, and I certainly did, too, but I'm over it now.  I slipped up and then I just reset and started new.  Do  you think you're ready to do that?

I was worried about my husband, too, but after his initial disappointment, which was actually FOR me and not IN me, he's back on board, too.

I keep telling myself, two weeks was great!  I slipped, but now I'm back and I'll reach two weeks again and then beyond.  Look at all the people here who have done it and are doing it.  We can too!  Keep in touch.  

all the best, Ellen

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Tanuaj
Member

Well, I too, fell out of the saddle. The stressors in my life! I know it’s an excuse. I also smoked to beat the band. I am on a new start date tomorrow. 3/23/2018. I’ll be back on the freedom train. I will use the tools I’ve learned. Chin up!!!

Kimshine
Member

Good for you for hopping back into the saddle! 

Funny thing about stressors, they will always be there.

We will be here to help you!

Tanuaj
Member

It’s funny how someone can say something and it helps you to look at things through a different light. Thank you!

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Kimshine
Member

Happy quit day to you!

You've got this!

Looking forward to watching you stack up those days!

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Tanuaj
Member

Smiling!

YoungAtHeart
Member

Welcome to our community!

I don't believe I have welcomed you, so I will take care of that now.  I also don't know if you have found this information elsewhere on the site, so I will provide it here just in case.  Education is REALLY important to a successful quit, so I hope you will get started on it if you haven't already.

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. You can search for it online or at your local library.

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmokingonline.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance. You should also do the tracking and separation exercises suggested in My Quit Plan http://www.becomeanex.org/my-quit-plan.php

After you have completed the recommended reading, it will be time to make an informed choice of the quit aid, if any, you will use. If you go that route, I personally recommend the aids that don't let the addict control the dose such as the available prescription drugs or the patch. If used properly, gum, lozenges and inhalers are fine, but they need to be used only as a last resort.  I have seen folks become addicted to them if they substitute them for every cigarette they used to smoke - just trading one addiction for another.  I do not recommend the e-cigarette for three reasons: 1) the vapor has been compared to the polluted air in Bejing on a bad day, 2) they just provide another nicotine delivery system while continuing the hand to mouth smoking motion, and 3) the batteries can spontaneously catch on fire. . But – any method that you think will work well for you will be best for you.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand in a place different from when you smoked. Maybe switch to tea for a bit.  If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Keep a cold bottle of water with you from which to sip. Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy