Do you ever think to yourself...

[chefmelliott]

I was standing next to my car  while my  kids were in the car waiting cause mommy  needed  a cigerette...& I looked at them and thought that it's not the best for my kids. I want the best of everthing I have to give them & then the thought how in the hell did I get here? Do you ever look at your kids & you can't help but wonder if they had that cough again because of you, even though you don't smoke in front of them. How did I get here? I snuck out of church the other day for a cigrette. How did I get to the place that I am so weak.

[jenn2477]

I agree!!!  I often think I am a good person, or tell myself I am, because I do not smoke in my house or car with my kids.  It is just as bad having them stand or play near me.  I am starting to have panic attacks at night that I am going to have a heart attack becuase of my smoking,  At night I will swear I am going to quit and then in the morning it is like a new day and I keep smoking.  I have gotten Chantix, picked a start date and ready to quit.  We can do this for ourselves and for our kids.  I really hope this website helps!!!

[susieqp]

i have the same feelings like i am so weak but everyone has always said i am such a strong person.  i am strong until it comes to the battle of the cigs.  then the sense of failure kicks in when i pick the cig up after going a few hours or a couple days without smoking.  the stupid thing is, they don't even taste good to me anymore.  but i keep on smoking them.  then blast myself for doing so.   i remember all the times my little girl begged me to stop smoking.  but of course i could not let a child tell me what to do!  well, she followed in my footsteps and started smoking the same age i did...13.   she is now 38 and i am proud to say she quit smoking 5 years ago.  i know i have to quit smoking for me...but i still would like to quit for my little girl too, even if she is bigger than me now. LOL.

[ahutto74]

 I have to say you are not weak. All of us are here for a reason. We have an addiction. I do not think an addiction is a cop out. We are not perfect we are humans. You wrote very a candid posts and most of your situations I can indentify with. I have a son who is four. I wait  until he watching tv to sneak outside for a smoke. I am the only smoker in my family; I know for a fact that if my parents knew I smoked; they would kill me even though I am 36 years old.

I totally got what you were saying about sneaking out of church to smoke. We have it bad.  I run out of work everday to light up as soon as I get in the car. Sometimes I look at empty car seat my son sits in when I pick up from pre school and I think what the hell am I doing(excuse the language). Keep trying and good luck, we are all here for you.

[janie0711]

WOW  I can relate. Feeling horrible trying to sneak cigs or justify it to my kids. They are 8 and 10  yr old. They beg me all the time to quit. They never stop begging all th time. Well i started tracking my cigs today so far ive only had one and its after 3oclock. my quit date is monday wish me luck..... Congrats to everyone who has quit our kids deserve it and so do we!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dezw84]

Good blog.

There is something I want to throw out there. One of the reasons I quit was for my two little girls. Oh for so many reasons surrounding them, my youngest has asthma, and I don't smoke in the house or in the car, if the are outside with me I stand twenty feet from them at the edge of the yard but you always wonder if it will still get to them. It is on my clothes in my hair. 

But the main reason I quit for my grls was that children who are raised in a family where a parent smoke are at a higher rate to smoke when they reach teenagerhood/adulthood. 

I smoke my first cigarette when I wsa 11 years old. I started smoking heavy when I was 15, that is not something I would EVER want my girls to do. I never want them to touch cigarettes. And I don't blame my father for smoking but I think the fact that I grew up in a cloud of second hand smoke played a huge hand into my smoking for 10 years. 

[mamakat911]

I have a 2yr old who is starting to catch on what it means when mommy and daddy step outside. 

I feel guilty in the fact that she should be the one going outside... TO PLAY.  I should not be wasting 20 minutes smoking when I could use that time to read her a story, or simply give her the attention she needs so much right now in her life.  We used to put her in her crib before we would step out, now we just leave her alone in the house while we smoke.  Think about that... abandoned for twenty minutes for no reason.  She's not in time out, she's not being punished, but in the end, she pays the price for my addiction.

What's become even worse is the fact that while my hubby and I sit outside smoking, she is pounding on the glass door, calling out to us to come in and pay attention to her, and we simply ignore it.  What kind of parent does that?  I know we all need our breaks, and that's a conversation for a parenting website, but seriously - ignoring a sweet little bear calling for her mommy so I can smoke?  If that's not a catalyst to quit, I don't know what is!

[angie50]

Mamakat911- My first day of the presmoking self starts on Monday- I am currently in tears beacuae I can relate to your post. And thank you for all the other parents out there for writing. This really making it alot easier for me to stay determined and to never want a smoke again. I beat myself up all the time knowing that I can be such a better mom if I didnt smoke.

[twill1974]

these stories have inspired me alot. im going on my second day of not smoking. one of the main reasons im quitting is for my daughter who is almost 2. i want to be around to watch her grow up. its been a tough two days but im hanging in there. i love reading these blogs because i know that somewhere out there someone else is going thru what im going thru and i feel like i dont have to do this alone. good luck to everyone...i know i need it.