So. I'm so disappointed with me. Started smoking again 6 months ago (after a 5 year clean and happy time), started with 1 or 2 a day, ended with a pack a day. 
. Last weekend I read the Allen Carr book again and smoked my last cig on Saturday. I was good for 2 days, but the last two days were a living nightmare. In my head? I know I'm killing myself, that I have no benefit from cigarettes, I do not work out when I smoke, have no motivation, I am depressed. And after all this, I bought a pack today. so so weak. and it gives me nothing. I smoked, and felt the relaxation, but know it gives me nothing. I do not know what else to do, I can't win this. Just thought I'd share with folks that get this frustration.
I like your style 
You surely want to quit or you would not have tried again and you would not have landed here in search of help. If you quit for five years, I'm assuming that you fully agree that smoking is an addiction (to nicotine). Went you felt that relaxation, that was the need for nicotine being satisfied.
Support can go a long way to turning fear of crashing from no nicotine to learning to get through it and move onto a cigarette free life. I'm so glad you found Ex and are looking for the steps out of your smoking. Keep working it and you will find your way.
Dr. Hays wrote a blog about some two extremely important reasons why nicotine drives smokers to want more nicotine...
Relearning Rewards
For many people, a particular challenge to becoming and staying tobacco free are the cravings that occur while having coffee, after a meal, or when relaxing. Like all cravings and associations with cigarettes, this fades over time; however, the thought of having a cigarette or ‘dip’ along with these activities can be persistent. Understanding cravings, and making plans to purposefully enjoy these activities without tobacco, can help the association fade away more quickly.
Tobacco, like any addictive substance, stimulates the reward system in the brain. In doing that it can become strongly associated with other activities, thoughts, or feelings. This association makes it more likely that a person will ‘want to smoke or dip’ the next time they experience that activity, thought, or feeling.
Nicotine also has some relatively unique characteristics, it is a powerful ‘secondary reinforcer’, meaning It also enhances the experience of other things, like beverages, food, warm social gatherings, or relaxation. After quitting tobacco, enjoyment of coffee, social connections, or relaxing may not ‘feel-the-same’ for a while.
The good news is that enjoyment of all these activities, in the absence of tobacco, returns. Every time you enjoy a cup of coffee, good company, or relaxing without a cigarette; your ability to enjoy that activity becomes stronger.
You can also hasten this recovery by mindfully taking a moment to appreciate, kindle, the taste of coffee, good company, feeling relaxed, or the taste of food. Enjoying life on life’s own terms has its rewards, and re-learning life’s enjoyments without tobacco is a pleasure in itself
michalrokah, I keep telling everyone this site and wonderful people took me to where I am today 713 DOF (Days of freedom) and counting. What made the huge difference for me was the understanding of the Nicotine addiction. The understanding of how it works my brain, and the acceptance (it took a while to get there) that I am in fact an addict, brought with them the change in the way I looked at quitting and the understanding of the role this site had for me.
We are all different, but for me it was the place to be at least once a day, write down fears, challenges, hopes. I was sad, upset sometimes (because we are all different, the power of words can have different impacts), but mostly I was encouraged, taught to trust myself and my abilities, and hoping others by sharing my own experiences fulfilled my motherly nature It made me happy, happy to preserve my quit day after day, sometimes hours at the time, while "seeing" my peers grow their own freedom with me, sharing my journey.
Accepting NOPE (not one puff ever) sounded so final, so limiting to me, it took me some months (as long as it took to accept I am an addict). But if I did not say it for several months, it does not mean I did not think about it! Like Ellen said, you can never have just one, and you more than anyone else know that to be true.
But you were smober for 5 years, on your own, you did it alone, now you can do it with us, and that will make it so much easier this time.
Please read what was recommended to you, pick a date, and join us on our journey of freedom!
I am happy you are here,
