Closet Smokers

[AutumnWoman]

I figured I had better join this group because I'm often home alone and my husband still smokes, which I could see as an open invitation to have a cigarette. This is Day 5 for me smoke-free, probably because I've been spending a lot of time on this site. I have to keep it in the front of my mind that regardless of whether my husband continues to smoke, I need to stay stopped.

[muriel-jones]

Well I guess this is where I belong. I have joined other groups when I was starting my quit. I quit and withing 3 days I was in a store and found myself buying a couple of packs. "Just to have in case it got really bad" Well with in a few hours of being home I had to have just that 1 puff. Now I hide all around the house smoking, thinking my husband won't know, but he has made snide comments so I know he knows. I blame him alot for my returning to smoking as he really isn't a support. I found my only wonderful support here on this web site. I feel quilty and ashamed. I keep telling myself I really don't enjoy them. I feel so weak. Like others I don't go places where I can't smoke and miss out on many things. Debbie here online was such a support and I feel like I can't face her. I should have called her instead of picking up that first one. I don't understand why I can't be sincere in really wanting to quit. There are so many reasons that I need to and want to. I am really feed up with myself. Here I go for another smoke before my husband gets up. I realize that I can't have any in the house or I will smoke them and yet I keep buying them afraid to have to go through the withdrawls without being able to smoke and not have to go through the withdrawl. I am so weak.

[betty10]

Muriel - Don't beat yourself up. You really can quit, and survive. That's the really cool thing, you really can enjoy life after you quit smoking. It took me a very long time, and many attempts before I was really ready to be a non-smoker. Think about all of the reason why you don't want to versus why you do and then compare. It's pretty amazing, helped me.

[margaret-miller]

Readiing these comments, it seems like so many of us feel bad about ourselves for smoking and sneaking around. Maybe if we could love ourself as we are now, it would be easier to quit. For me, not likeing myself and the life I was in, was my reason for beginning to smoke after 20 years of being free of tobacco. I think the reason we decide to stop smokeing is because we are loving ourselves more and wanting to take care of our bodies and lives now. Perhaps if we can focus on what we are attempting to do now, be free of tobacco and smoking, the trip will be smoother. Can we stop hateing ourselves for what we have done so far, and start loving ourselves for what we want to become?

[opannod]

Hi everyone,
  This is my first visit to this forum. I'm not sure if I would say I am a closet smoker, but that is because I live alone and the whole house, my car, and anywhere there is no one, can be "My Closet". I started quitting last April (Chantix) I smoked just puffs a day until the end of August then quit( I didn't enjoy them), Events over the winter drove me crazy, and I started again with maybe, 1 cig a day in December, reaching half a pack by the end of February. NOW, I am back on Chantix 3 weeks and only a few drags a day, again hating the taste of even that. However, I need to have people in my life to talk with about it all. I had tried online forums before, I would post and often never get responses, or read similar topics. I found it frustrating. I am hoping this group is good for me.

  Donna

[daria-dingle]

I see that you tried Chantix. I did also, but I went nuts the second week. I felt as if it was doing nothing to help me. I considered that maybe there was something wrong with it . Maybe the heat of the summer had damaged it. Now I am afraid to try it again. My ex-husband is a neurologist and he would just say that I was one of the people who can never quit. It really set me up to fail. That was a 30 year relationship that caused me to be a true closet smoker. Where I live smoking is like having the plague - no one wants anything to do with smokers. We do not even know who each other are because we are so secret about it.
  It is lonely and smoking is ruining my life.

[sarah6]

Hello all, newbie here.
  So I am in total shock, I didn't expect to see a forum on closet smokers. Being one myself, I thought I was a loner. I've had problems with being a closet smoker because my smoking addiction began at a young age, 13. No, I didn't come from a broken home or a family of smokers or anything; just tried it and didn't put it down. So I've been smoking for 7 years, with a few breaks in there. I didn't smoke when I was pregnaunt; yet the day I went back to work I did. Now that I have moved from that office/state; no one knows. My family, my friends (a limited few), and even my live-in bf of a year had no idea. I didn't lie, I just didn't tell. Still have the habits I created when I was younger of hiding any scent of my smoke covered hands and clothing; no one was the wiser. Well he found out recently and is just supportive that I told him I want to quit. He's a good voice. Now, I just need to quit. I think I understand my triggers, but medication...not to keen on that idea. Is there anything that is really worth while?

[susan52]

I want to share with everyone that I have now been quit for a full 3 months after 30 years of smoking, but as a closet smoker (just my immediate family knew- no one outside my family knew!) and want to tell the world, but they never knew in the first place. Oh, well. I certainly do not miss the hiding and shame. Am looking forward to taking trips (already have been on two) where I don't have to find a place to walk real far from the hotel just so people don't see me. Had a few close calls, but so far (used Chantix for first 7 weeks) I have stayed cig free. I am coming back to this site due to some recent surprising urges. Need to keep connecting to keep my quit strong!

[jay3]

I am a closet dipper. Hopefully no one in this group minds. To be honest, I didn't think there were many closet smokers out there. I thought us dippers were the only ones. Foolish thought. Apparently I'm not the only person out there trying to maintain that clean cut image. Is this group still active? I see the last comment wast made in April.

[valarie-juntunen]

Cool - other people that have felt the same way as me. I've hidden my smoking on and off. My husband and immediate family know (although my husband doesn't like it so I still sneaked some when I was around him so I didn't have to face his comments) but I've tried hard not to let my in-laws or coworkers know. It hasn't always worked and I often have felt like a cat in a room full of rocking chairs! I hate feeling so guilty all the time and I will be glad when I can finally say I am an EX. I'm not there yet but it's coming quickly!

[SaraSmile]

Hi....I'm Sara....who had over a year smokefree and caved over a fight w/my teenage son....last time I quit I had the support of my family but this time, they'll just think.....why is mom being such a _____(fill in the blank). I told my husband I was thinking about smoking.....I was all set to tell him when I got home from work.....he didn't ask.....I didn't tell. I feel like I'm cheating on him, weird huh?! I've set my quit date for
  Sept 1st.....please keep me in your thoughts and prayers....Lord knows I'll need it!
  Thanks ~ Sara-not so smiling.....=(