50 days smoke-free but depressed, angry, and confused

[tryinmydarndest]

After smoking for about fifteen years on and off (off when pregnant), my husband and I finally decided to quit at the end of last year. We started on the patch and were starting out pretty well, with minimal mood swings. But we weren’t connecting like we used to. Before, at the end of the day after we put the kiddos to bed, we would sit outside, smoking and talking for hours. After quitting, it was just distract, distract, distract. We weren’t connecting anymore. We replaced cigarettes with a TV. 

After about a month, my husband started up again. He found his own loophole- rolling his own cigarettes with loose tobacco, and he’d have one or two at the end of the day. This has progressed to more and more throughout the day. Now he sits outside, where we used to sit together, alone while I’m still distracting myself with the TV. I know he’s got his own process to go through but I’m having the hardest time being close to him. I thought we’d be each other’s support systems, but I now feel I have no one. I hid my smoking from family, and my friends either still smoke or never did.

On top of all this, a few weeks ago the depression and anxiety kicked in, and hard. I’ve done so much reading on all of these topics already but what I think I really need is an actual person who understands, who’s been here or somewhere close... or just some support. I don’t want to give in just so I can be close to my husband again.

[PRAIRIEROSELADY]

Absolutely!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Prairie 37 DOF

[tryinmydarndest]

PRAIRIEROSELADY‌ and GyorgyiM Thank you so much for the support! I'm so lucky to have you all

Love,

Sandy

[GyorgyiM]

[PRAIRIEROSELADY]

Sometimes our journey is in very small steps....... That's okay! We are still moving toward Freedom Forever! How are you doing today?????????? I think,I stumbled into No Man's Land this week. Some very strange things, but I'm still holding the line and I HAVE NO DESIRE TO LIGHT UP..........I AM THRILLED!!!!! SO WERE MY HEALTH PEOPLE TODAY,WHEN I REPORTED IN..........

38 DOF Prairie

[GyorgyiM]

Prairieroselady......

Of course you don't have the desire to light up.....YOU DON'T SMOKE !!!!!    

[tryinmydarndest]

Lol!

[tryinmydarndest]

Hi Prairie! Welcome to NML! Oh it will be a fun roller coaster. But it gets a lot easier not to smoke! Congrats on your 38 days!!

[elvan]

tryinmydarndest‌ LOOK at how far you have come!  I am so proud!

Love,

Ellen

[karenjones]

Just wondering how you are doing?  I am on day 5 only so I look up to the old hands like you.  Karen

[tryinmydarndest]

Hi Karen! Well thank you for asking  I am on day 78 now. My husband is also on day 5! It’s crazy to think anyone would be looking up to me, but it also feels wonderful! It’s been easier and easier not to smoke. I still kind of miss it in a weird way, in the sense that it was my normal routine for so long. But otherwise I don’t miss smelling so gross, being controlled, and feeling ashamed. In the beginning it was so hard to find a new way of relaxing and decompressing. I also didn’t have EX and didn’t know what I know now. I see quitting differently. Smoking is not something I am sacrificing; it is something I am free from. The more positively you can see your quit, the easier it will be, I believe. Be kind to yourself if you’re having a rough time. Do something to celebrate each week or even each day! 

I wish you the best. Keep going, you CAN do this!

Love,

Sandy