Well, this weekend was interesting to say the least. I went to A&E Saturday evening because my mental issues were getting worse. after speaking to the intake psych there, he agreed that having me go IP was the best option for me. I then got tested for covid. I tested positive, so IP was no dice. I had to stay on the medical floor instead of going to the psych ward--which I would've felt even safer in there. All I had to speak to were the nurses, which sucked because i couldn't tell them about how I was really feeling because i didn't trust that they could help me. So, I started showing Covid symptoms on Sunday, greeted with a pounding headache and sick stomach. not fun.
Monday, there was hope. I spoke to the psychiatrist that walked the medical floor out of the psych ward, tending to the patients who couldn't be IP due to covid. I let her know I felt some of my medications weren't doing what they were supposed to do and that got her thinking, once i described my symptoms. she also had an insightful discussion with my OP psychiatrist who, today, told me that she is questioning my diagnosis of bipolar. I do have BPD, and she and the IP psych agreed that it was time to start trying me on some new meds. She said it could be major depressive along with bpd. which, bpd can look an awful lot like bipolar, but if the psychiatrist diagnosing is not skilled/is not willing to diagnose BPD they can just slap on the bipolar label because it's what they feel most comfortable treating. I was 14 at the time of my diagnosis, and in that community I guess at that time diagnosing bpd to adolescents was a no no. So I got slapped with bipolar. So for the past 21 bloody years i could have been being given the improper treatments and medications, for things I didn't even need. This means another battery of psychological testing to varify new possible diagnoses to figure out where things could havv e gone wrong way back in the day, but I think it will be worth it.
It does give me yet more answers though, as to my nicotine and prior marijuana use. The medications weren't doing what they were "supposed" to, which caused me to try and find new ways to eleviate my depression--when I could have been on the wrong crap to begin with.
In a way, this angers me. My brain being put through all this crap, my poor brain, which was still developing at the time, being put through a bunch of **bleep** just to now find out it was all wrong all along. It makes me angry because for so many years i've been probably suffering and not even known how badly until now.
It does make me wonder, have these medications impaired my brain somehow? have these wrong medications put undue stress on my born at 5 months premature brain? are some of the abilities I once had going to be gone because of these medications? so many questions, and so many answers that still need to be had.
So frustrating. 😔 😢
