My name is Lydia. I am 26 years old. I started smoking when I was around 16 years old. Growing up My parents were divorced. My mom raised my sister and I by herself. My sister suffers from bi-polar disorder and adhd. During her teenage years she had a very rebelous streak and life was a living nightmare in our house. We didn't know day to day what she might do. So naturally I stayed with friends as much as possible. My friends smoked so I did. I strted having panic attacks due to the stress in my life. Which is no excuse. I have found a certain comfort in smoking. It takes me away from the situation. Now as a 26 year ols I have 2 children. My oldest is 6 and my youngest is 2. My oldest (Colin) has asthma. That alone SHOULD be enough for me to quit! I have tried many times unsuccessfully. I just always have a hard time with the feeling of something missing a big part of my life gone when I don't smoke. Which to non smokers sounds CRAZY! It is just such a big part of my life. and has beenfor a long time. Not a good part but part. I am always embarrased and try to hide it but I can't hide from God. He knows all and as Christian I know it is unacceptable! I pray for God to help me through it everyday! Ultimatly I have free will and a choice and always make the wrong one. Everyday is a new day so I hope I can eventually make the right choice. My children need me for a long time as does my husband. They deserve a mother and wife. So hopefully I can say goodbye to smoking and hello to a new life!
