frustrated-angry-disappointed-lost

[kitty_kal]

The title of this blog post pretty much says it all. Although I should probably add, ASHAMED, AFRAID, and feeling worthless. Everytime, everyday these past few weeks, I say that I will not smoke anymore. Then, the next day, sometimes even hours later, I am at it again. I cannot blame my cousin, who is staying here, for giving me smokes. I have not bought them in so long, and if he weren't here I know I wouldn't have access to them, but how the heck can I seperate the two? WHY do I not just have the willpower to REMEMBER what I promised myself hours or minutes or a few days ago? Today I have a physical therapy appointment for the first time since hurting my leg, and I am hoping I will be able to slowly get back into jogging. But every cigarette makes me feel like more of a failure, and I feel like I am slipping into a depression. I am constantly in this flux state of anxiety and depression. I know I can't go on like this, and the guilt of smoking is just killing me (well, lets be honest, SMOKING is killing me,) and I don't know what to do. I debated even writing this blog post. I have been writing seperately and trying to re read it later, because I am so ashamed and afraid that the judgement of this community will hit me like a ton of bricks and I will feel bad, but still be a failure. WHAT THE HELL???? 

Has anyone else experienced this? I feel so alone. 

[cassandra20]

Stop putting yourself down. It is ok to be upset by your slips but we are all only human. I have also slipped after almost 2 months quit. I went through the feelings you are having now.

I decided to just start over and work the program all over. Remember smoking is a addiction and ytou need to understand it. heck I told myself it took me over 33 yrs to get where I am. It is gona take me awhile to break the habit and that is o.k.

As for other people putting you down. I think most of us  have all been to the point you are in now. If not great for them. But how is putting you down gonna help them? or you?

If anyone does put you down don't take it personnal it is just them and their option not yours.

Good Luck and just pull yourself up and fiqure out what you need to do to stop. maybe ask your causin to smoke outside? Tell her your are trying to quit and not to give you any if you ask?

[family-first]

Keep at it!!!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

tell your cousin the have to smoke outside and not to give you anymore. PERIOD.

Keep It Simple!

[lconnelly]

First of all; you are not alone ~ keep blogging and keep trying. It is very difficult, but you can do this. You are just going through a very tough time right now. It will get easier. 

Second of all; YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS! We are all in this together, we all have setbacks and moments of weakness and doubt. We are human. You need to cut yourself some slack and stop beating yourself up over this. 

Remember that you are fighting to end an addiction which is not an easy task. It will take work and dedication. And, remember to celebrate the little wins ~ like every time you say no to a cigarette. Reward yourself for the things you do right. 

I wish you the best!

Keep on keepin' on!

[Alice23]

Don't quit quitting.

Just yesterday I was thinking about how I would find any reason to light up.  I remembered the guilt and anxiety that would overcome me.

What has gotten me through this time is remembering this:

I WILL NEVER REGRET THE ONE I NEVER LIGHT!

I can't be disappointed in myself for smoking - if I DON'T SMOKE!

[Chuck-2-20-2011]

 When I first thought about quitting, I had to be honest with myself for you see, I was terrified! That in itself confused me. Why should I be scared? After all, wasn't I doing somethig that's right? Something that will help my future?

 So I called a quitline and ordered some patches and began preparing for what I knew would be something incredibly hard for me. I counted down the days and at last the big day came and I did it! I actually made it through that first day!

 I think when we decide to quit and our minds actually believe that we're serious, the internal battle begins. Especially before we actually put out that last cigarette because we're still in the middle of feeding our addictions.

 I don't think our own brains accept that we're serious about quitting until we actually do it. Try to remember that your dealing with a very powerful addiction. The tobacco companies made sure that this is the case and controlling the urges can be a monumental task at first.

 But you have to first understand that you are an addict and then use that knowledge to your advantage. The main problem with addiction is that we become our own worst enemies because of it. Our minds don't see the rationality of quitting because to our brains, something is missing. That part of the brain doesn't understand that we're offering ourselves a very bleak future if we don't quit.

 Your mind begins finding "reasons" to smoke. And at times these reasons can seem quite real, even though if we stop and think for a moment we realize that this voice in our minds is  the enemy. This little voice that comes from the addiction will do no good and yet we listen and sometimes we give  that voice enough power to lessen our reslove.

 The thing we really have to do is take each one of those urges as a seperate entity. If you can get through the first one, then you've got something to build on. Use that event to give you confidence for the next one that you'll encounter. Try to understand why your quitting and remember these reasons when the addiction screams at you.

 Remember that what you do today will determine the future that you will live tomorrow. I never believe that a person has failed until they quit trying so get back on that horse and ride like the wind toward that freedom that you want so badly! So many have done it and you can too!

I hope to see you down the road living that world of freedom!

[meagain3]

Are you kidding?  Judgment.  people here DO NOT judge.  But I know how you feel.  I fell back into smoking and went MIA for a while. When I finally got up the courrage to get back on this stie, everyone welcomed me with open arms.  No judgment here my friend.  You can do this.  Tell your cousin to go smoke somewhere else, really, like down the street or around the block! 

[jojo_2-24-11]

You want this, you want this bad, all you have to do is not smoke. Believe me, it will get better and better everyday living the life of a non-smoker. When you get the urge, change the subject in your mind, do something other than what you are doing. Laugh really loud, at yourself of course. Each time it'll get easier and easier to not smoke. Find things to keep you occupied. I come here and type away. I read blogs, make comments, blog occassionally, check out friends pages and write messages. It's always good to know that we all share the same common goal, to stay quit.

[jack14]

Are you feeling better today?

[Ex_Nancy]

Quitting smoking has nothing to do with willpower....It's a DECISION, A CHOICE ...

CHOOSE to quit smoking, not try and we will support you. Educate yourself by reading these links to the materials that most of us have used to help us quit and STAY quit! This is about making a DECISION to never put another cigarette in your mouth, mean it, and be committed to follow through on that decision. Also allow NO excuses AND hang in there for as long as it takes, no matter how uncomfortable you become.... This is about re-learning your life WITHOUT cigarettes....start changing your "normal" routine....because a smoker's routine revolves around cigarettes. You will be a nonsmoker so change how you start your morning so it doesn't revolve around cigarette breaks, etc. You CAN do this......nobody said it will be easy, we just said it would be worth it....http://digg.com/newsbar/topnews/Allen_Carr_s_Easy_Way_To_Stop_Smoking_Download_free_PDF

http://quitsmokingonline.com

[kitty_kal]

Hello again all. Thanks, first of all, for the support. The story behind me is that I have actually quit sucessfully for up to 10 months, twice. This time I have been smoking, sometimes in secret and hiding from my family, for about a month or so. The angry-frustrated-upset cycle which led me to write this blog in the first place has become so frustrating. Today, I plan to begin using to nicotine patches. I do not know if I will need to use the entire course, and I hope that this first two weeks is enough to get me over the hump. Its mostly the cycle of guilt that I can no longer handle. Smoking isn't making it better, and I spend most of my time mulling over how disappointed I feel in myself, which is really taking away from anything pleasurable I would even get from those cigarettes. SO, today is the big day. I am so afraid to make hopeful statements because I feel badly for failing in the past. And like I mentioned earlier, my cousin being here does not help. Most of my family smokes, except my husband and in laws, who are my only local relatives at this time, except my cousin, who is living with us for a little while, he has planned to relocate here as well. So, I am trying in my mind to come up with a way to fight the trigger of family=smoking. I have been smoking around my family and with my family for years, and have tried the "seperation exercises," but am becoming kind of stumped. I can only hope that this feeling will wear off after awhile, and I can get over the hump and back to the real (non smoking,) me!

Thanks again for the comments, I will be trying to stick closer to the site this time in times of trouble, but it is blocked on my computer at work, and I don't seem to be able to blog from my phone.