decisions

[melodyav51]

life and death decisions and experiences on this side of the world. I just lost an Aunt and am expecting another to die soon of cancer. My cousins partner died of Cancer and a friend a few months back. What does all that have to do with decisions. We are out of control for some things in life but I can choose to live for myself and quit smoking. However this death and dying has all come up so close together I have not successfully put the cig. down. I feel insane due to all the sickness and knowing that smoking is one of the biggest contributors of cancer yet I choose to stare it in the face almost like a dare. That is insane. However two of those people never smoked so thats my rational. false as it may be. How to just put them down completely and deal what life brings my way is the dilemma.