cough, cough

[lordpooky]

to all of those who wrote encouragement, I did not smoke that cigarette. Thank you very much for the encouragement. I built a tiny rack and hung it on top of my desk next to a picture of my son. destroying it did not feel like the solution to the problem, since I can get to a gas station in about 3 minutes and get more if I want. I feel like I need to keep it as a trophy, kind of like a game hunter does, showing myself as well as everyone else that even if the damn thing is IN my mouth, I HAVE DECIDED THAT I WILL NOT SMOKE!!!! That was the hardest thing I have ever done, but I have to stay here as long as I can to take care of my beautiful lady and my little boy. That said, I have almost drowned and felt like I was getting more air. Does anyone have suggestions on making that part easier? I have even heard that little voice say," lets just smoke 1 so we can breathe for awhile. Then we will go back to quitting."

Lord Pooky

[wendyperez]

Not sure an unlit cigarette is a good trophy.  Soak it in water, and THEN put it on the rack.  A dead lion makes a better trophy than a live one.  Know what I mean?

Glad you're getting through this.  The little voice lies.  The "drowning" sense goes away over time.  First four days are the toughest.  After that, it's ebb and flow.

[smorgy8513]

So glad you didn't smoke that cigarette.    You know, I kinda get that it would make you feel good to see that cigarette that you didn't smoke....but, personally, I think it is an unwise trophy to hang up.       IF you really feel like you want a visual of the one you "beat" then spray it with vinegar or bleach......flatten it out between 2 pieces of cardboard, dry it, put it in a baggie and THEN hang it on the wall next to the pic of your son.   Oh, and poke holes in it before you do any of this......

As addicts, we will have a time when the "need" to smoke will be so very strong AND if it is so attainable it will happen.      What is the saying?   The road to hell is paved with good intentions......substitute the road to relapse......

Sure you could be at the gas station in 3 minutes and buy a pack of cigarettes if you wanted to....but there are so many more steps to do that than walking to the wall, picking it up off the rack and lighting it.

Stay close here and keep blogging.

Sharon

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Those three minutes might save your quit

[JonesCarpeDiem]

But not after you've smoked that ONE

[Kathy187]

I agree with a), b), c), d) but really, ALL OF THE ABOVE.

I would never play Russian Roulet with just one bullet in the chamber either.

My last quit, more than a year long, I ruined by having " just one with a friend", then thousands more after.

The quit before that I ruined after several months while on a medical mission trip with one woman and bunch of men who were all having Cuban cigars. Well, sure, I love cigars. One for me means "Off the wagon, and back on the warpath".

[candylance]

Lordpooky, so glad that all the encouragement helped, however, I'm of the same opinion about your little shrine. Wet the cig first, then put it wherever you want to. If you feel the need to smoke, please blog BEFORE you smoke. We will be here for you!!

Candy    d124

[kloud9]

i'm gonna be the chorus to everyone's else  verse and i'm gonna say it loud enuff for you to hear.

" GET RID OF THE FOCKIN CIGARETTE ........NOW !"

And Next time you hear that voice tell it to shut up !

[YoungAtHeart]

Yup!

Nancy

[linda258]

My mind has a vision of you  hanging from Nicodeamon's little chain.... as you serve as a trophy for him.

Stop fooling yourself.... unless you are planning on smoking that cig..... get rid of it. 

The addict in you is telling you to keep it just in case.... no matter what you tell ex community they know what is really going on in your mind.... if you think not go back and read all the responses. 

[Magstoyou]

Glad you didn't smoke!!

That cig is too close. destroy it.

Mag180d

[Giulia]

Well, looks like you've gotten enough advice on the trophy.  (Which I agree with, BTW.)  Can't say you weren't warned.  Now maybe, just maybe, you'll turn out to be one of those one-in-a-million, like my husband, who quit and kept his last unopened pack of cigarettes.  He quit the day his best friend called him and said he had lung cancer.  That unopened pack is a reminder of the loss of that friend and the gift of life given to my husband through that unopened pack.

Personally, if I were in the first stages of my quit and I had a cigarette sitting in front of me it  would be like a siren calling....calling...calling....  The fact that my child's picture might be sitting next to it saying, "no, mom, don't do it, mom...." - well let me put it this way:  I have heard "I'm quitting for my daughter, my little boy, my wife, my husband, my...."  yada yada yada...   And just like clockwork they go right back to smoking.  The addiction is STRONGER that a picture.  The addiction is STRONGER than the thought of quitting for someone else.  If it weren't, we'd all have quit long ago for those we love who love us.

I believe you are un-necessarily setting yourself up for failure.  The object here is to REMOVE the triggers, not place them in front of your nose.  Remember, you haven't bagged the beast yet.  It's still alive and can come back and bite you.  

The "let's just smoke 1 so we can breathe for a while" is simply smoker junkie thinking.  You're tense because you're fighting cravings.  So you need to release that tension.  And you do it by slow deep breathing, by stretching, by exercising, by turning your focus elsewhere. You don't do it by staring at the cigarette in front of you on your desk.  Got it? 

[moody_9-18-13]

Wow, I read your blog, then as I scrolled down and saw what all the other recovering addicts had to say about saving that "trophy" I realized you can't fool another addict. We all knew you have to destroy it!

[newlife5]

and the simple fact that you cant is showing you how addicted  you  are