I'm seriously doubting my ability to keep my quit right now.
just feeling really crappy, prob due to being ill and suffering covid fatigue, plus all the emotions surrounding my possible misdiagnosis. all the anger and hurt and feeling a little ignored by all the psychiatrists I had before this one, all of them just taking the bipolar diagnosis at face value and pumping drugs into my body that I probably didn't even need.
I'm seriously wondering if I am ready to fully give it up after the nrt.
I never give up, and i need to remember that. one of my role models always says never give up. But it's really hard. I feel like I'm at a snapping point and scared i could cave and either go back to nicotine or marijuana again.
I've stayed strong with my quit from weed for 51 days, and I am proud of that. and stayed strong for 35 days of no nicotine except for nrt.
But can I really do this? I've worked hard to get to where I am now, but part of me thinks I can't take it anymore.
I think I am needing a gentle push/motivation from all of you, nicotine-free friends!
I've saved so much money, probably over $200 last month from not buying any. That is kind of a motivator, but feeling very emotionally crappy and part of me knows that it's probably that big monster in there, as the book puts it. I should read more of that book. I couldn't put it down before I went into hospital. It became a major focus for me.
But i think that my emotional state is causing my little monster to have a fit, which is egging the big monster on, trying to lie to me and tell me that going back would just make it better.But I don't think so. it would just put me in the hole again as far as money and if we're going to fix stuff in my brain with new meds my brain needs to be as clear as it can be.
But there's that other part of me that can't take it anymore.
😑
