*#@$ %#&* !@*# $%(#@!

[artistmonicafaith]

Translation:  [curse word], [curse word], [curse word], [curse word]!

I don't have time to write my goodbye letter to the cigs I just ripped to shreds and threw in the kitchen trash, adding water and mustard on top so I wouldn't consider digging through the trash later and taping them back together, and then double knotted the bag and throwing it in the outside trash can.  I have to be punching the time clock at work, a block from here, in thirty minutes.  I will type that letter after work tonight.  So while my work shirt is drying in the dryer, I'm taking the time to type a letter to my non-smoking significant other.  The title (and rough translation) can serve as my first sentence.  I'm safe here, because he doesn't come here, so giving him a piece of my mind here won't cause an argument! 

Dear person I live with,

You don't have a clue what I'm going through right now because you were never stupid enough to start smoking in the first place.  Yay for you, give you a cardboard cookie.  Shutup already.  I get it.  I need unconditional love and support right now, and your condescending remarks piss me off.  There's still a stupid part of my brain who's only job is to search out and find a good excuse to start smoking again, and it will use any excuse it finds to try and outwit the fighter part of my brain that wants to protect my Quit.  The stupid part of my brain should NEVER be able to outwit the smart part of my brain, but when emotion and addiction pile up against common sense, all rules go right out the window.  Your mouth, your comments, your attitude, and your lack of understanding have been used many times in the past by the stupid part of my brain as an excuse to use the explicits in my title to send a message to the Quit part of my brain that I can give up and give in.

So GET OFF MY A$$!  Because after I've gotten the crappy parts of this behind me, I'm going to remember how much harder you allowed this to be for me, and I'm not going to be happy with you.  Right now I'm in the anger phase.  You don't understand what that means.  You just think you know.  While my strength should be used to fight the urge to smoke, some of my strength is being used to fight the urge to take the bait and unleash the hounds of hell on you because I know my anger toward you is amplified and exacerbated by this battle.  But underneath the pile of amplifiers and complications of this battle, I really am hurt by how little support you're showing me considering the fact that you've been the LOUDEST complainer of them all concerning my smoking!

Sincerely,

the woman who's still going to have a problem with things you've said (and haven't said) after she's gotten back on her feet again.

[dawn4]

you GO girl!!!!

[comfortablynumb]

I can relate 100%

[weeniehead]

I'm gonna make my husband read that.

[schwack]

Thank you for sharing.  A very very powerful, heartfelt, from the heart and soul rant.  You'll find a lot of support here and a lot of friends and a whole lot of unconditional love all with one goal, to choose life over smoking!  Thank you again for posting this!!

[sherrybitzel]

Let him know how you really feel. LOL I almost died laughing and trust me I needed a laugh. I thought you expressed yourself very well. If I ever need someone to have my back I definitely want you on my side. LOL I hope you have a great weekend and a even better week. I love your post.

[Strudel]

I knew you were going to be a great asset to this group!! Great blog! I hope you got it all out! I totally don't understand - because I live alone. I had that unconditional love you mentioned - from 2 dogs and 2 cats.....but, even they knew to stay out of my way those first few days!

I loved the visual image of the cigarettes in the trash with the water - AND mustard! Too funny - but, good thinking!! I did the water and tied up in a trash bag thing - but, mustard?? Perfect!

Also - the battle between the two parts of your brain is right on the mark!

Hopefully your realtionship with your significant other will survive. I almost think you should give him the letter! However, getting it off your chest here should help too!

[pam-c]

Hopefully this is the exact letter that will enable compassion and understanding now.  You know you can have all the support you need here.

[t-dog]

That is awsome!! I absolutly hate mustard...so perhaps I will try that..put a dab on the end of each smoke so when I light it it makes me gag a little...lol cause I know if I wet them with water I'd just dry them with the hair dryer or heat lamp, probably burn down the house in the process...

This is my 3rd attempt at quitting, glad to know that there are some people out her to chat about it with..and get some laughs as well, we all need it.

[eddo74]

You need to tell him how you feel....tell him this is the way your making me"feel" then tell him. if u use the word feel he cant jump your shit and if he does you can tell him well I cant help the way I feel because their your feeling and feelings happen and get hurt. we are all here for you to rant and rave and cuse at we all know what u are going threw. Im on day 5 but im also using chantix I couldnt do it without it. this is my 7th time quitting and im not going back.stay tough your doing this for you and your family we want you around for many many more years.

[Breakinchains]

  Very smart letter. If you can't tell him, tell us. We get it. I live with  a non smoker. She didn't criticise me too much, but she didn't really give much support either. You know what you have to do. Listen to the smart part of your brain.

[accord62]

A friend of mine told me before I quit smoking that she had quit 11 years ago. (she is the one I smoked with when I started)  she told me when she quit her husband gave her a lot of crap.   Making her mad on purpose.  She said she would go get on her tread mill and turn her head phones up as loud as she could stand it.  finally she said he would go away and leave her alone.  She said she wanted to quit and he was not going to stop her.  I could not figure it out why he would do that.  Why would you want the one you are married to, to keep smoking if you love them?  I finally figured it out,  It is a control thing.  If you can quit smoking you are totally in control of yourself.  You can take care of your self.  I think that when you smoke control freaks think that you are weak.  When you are tough enough to quit you can take charge of your life and they do not like it.  They want that control!!

[keeptrying2]

I remember being a non smoker and before I started I really had no clue what I was in for.  Honestly, even though you are mad at him, try to remember that there is no real way for him to understand what you are going through unless he himself has been an addict.  To a non smoker it really is as simple as, just don't smoke and move on fine like everything is wonderful.  They don't get it.  That being said, vent it out here, because we do understand.  Takes one to know one and I am so damn happy to leave this one behind.

[anacondahead]

Many people don't know how to be supportive, especially men. Many do, and do a wondeful job at it. Try giving him this letter, it may help.

Dear______,

I am about to make a huge change in my life for the better. I am going to quit smoking.

 I have a quit plan that I am confident with and I want to let you know what to expect for the next couple of weeks. I also want to give you some ideas on how to help me. Most people do not realize it, but nicotine is one of the hardest drugs to stop, even harder than heroin and alcohol. 

Everyone reacts to the withdrawal symptoms differently and during the first two weeks, don't expect much from me. I will not behave like my normal self. All of my energy will be focused on fighting the physical and mental cravings of smoking. I may cry, I may yell, I may ignore you. Worst of all, I may be hurtful to you, but I want you to know that is the nicotine talking, not my heart. I WILL apologize afterwards, once the poison has left my body and my mind has cleared, but for the moment, please, PLEASE remember that I love you, and do not hold my actions against me. 

My mind will play some very cunning tricks on me to try to convince me to start smoking again. It’s a very nasty addiction. I may rationalize that "now is not a good time to quit". I may talk about feeling a sense of emptiness and loss. My body may develop aches and pains. I may not be able to sleep. I may act like it’s all your fault. If I do, I apologize now because I don’t really mean it. 

I am doing this for me, not for you. In this one important way, I have to be selfish, so that I cannot give the nicotine a reason to put the blame on anyone else. You must not feel responsible for my discomfort or depression in any way. Even if you feel you can't stand to see me this way, whatever you do, do NOT tell me it's okay to smoke just to stop the pain. You need to be strong when I am weak, so please do not agree with any rationalizations I may come up with. I am counting on you.

Here are some things that will help me:

·        Hug me when I need a hug, but don't be hurt if I push you away.

·        If I tell you to leave me alone, give me space, but don't go too far...I need to know     you are near me.

·        Don't try to argue with me when I start to rationalize...silence is a more powerful message.  No matter what I say or do, a safe comment is always,” I’m proud of you.”

·        Avoid the topic of cigarettes (because I'm trying to get them off my mind), unless I bring it up first.

·        Do the best you can to act as if everything is normal. The more normal you act, the faster I will get there.

·        Consciously avoid putting me into situations where I will be in the presence of smokers. This may mean avoiding favorite restaurants or bars, or hanging out with certain friends for a while.

·        If something stressful can be put off for a couple of weeks, please try to do so. If not, please try to cushion me.

·        If I need some kind words, tell me that you are proud of me. Tell me it will get better, that the emptiness and pain will lessen, that you love me, and that quitting is worth the effort. Tell me I am strong. Tell me you will be there no matter what I say or do.

I hope you will find these suggestions helpful because I know that you are behind me 100%. No more second-hand smoke for my loved ones and pet(s). I will be free from the prison that smoking creates for us. I will be free of the smell of stale tobacco. I am looking forward to living my new smoke-free life. I will be around longer for those I love. Not smoking will begin to improve my health immediately.

Thank you for loving me and helping me through this.

Love, _______

[brenda61]

thank you @artistmonicafaith  and thank you @anacondahead .  Very helpful for the one with a spouse still smoking.  Great.

[artistmonicafaith]

oh wow, everybody's comments were so awesome to read!  I had SUCH a sucky day yesterday that I just shut down, exhausted after work, and then didn't want to get out of bed this morning.  And then the first thing I heard as I rolled out of bed and answered a ringing phone was somebody fussing at me about something tiny.  IF I'D JUST GOTTEN ON HERE AND READ THESE COMMENTS SOONER!  This site is turning out to be a really great motivater and a HUGE help!  I hate the idea that I tried quitting with no support system and without knowing about this site so many times before finding out about it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THANKS TO EVERYBODY FOR THE BOOST...... MUCH NEEDED RIGHT NOW!