advice for staying quit around family smokers

[smokefreekitten]

i have a houseguest, he has been here for the last couple weeks. it is my cousin dan. i come from a family of smokers! so, it is only natural for me to reach for a ciggie, usually i am smoking before i have even realized it, i just pick it right back up when they are around. i am currently trying to have a baby. wondering if there is anyone on here who has some advice on coping skills to stay quit when he is around. so far i am doing pretty good, and like i said since i am trying to conceive i rarely drink alcohol- only around the end of my cycle for the week or so that i know i am not pregnant and there is no possibility at least for that short time. but, as soon as i have a drink or two, it is easy to rationalize, especiall with dan (my cousin,) around.

give me your best shot, ex-ers! could use some support and encouragement.

kitten

[family-first]

All I can offer is that YOU have to make the choice and have the willpower. I have had that problem this summer. You have to tell yourself N.O.P.E! Sorry I don't have more to offer. Just to stay strong, remember WHY you quit, and protect it with everything that you have! You can do this.

[smokefreekitten]

thank you family first, it is very good, sound advice even though it is a no brainer. i need to keep reminding myself that smoking never makes things better, just makes me feel bad after

[jawidge]

Where in the Sam Hill have you been?  LOL  Are you quit now?  If you know what your triggers are, why are you pulling them?  Not smoking is important enough to me that I just don't even drink anymore.  As for Dan,, well,  I don't know I suffered through a baby sister that smoked almost through the whole first year of my quit.  She now has over 6 weeks!! 

[Giulia]

Don't know how long you have been quit (are you quit?), so....  A "houseguest" who has been there for a COUPLE OF WEEKS???  That's a LONG houseguest time.

Based upon my five year experience as an ex smoker I would say the following:

Number one, tell him you are trying to be smoke free and ask his assistance in such.  If he's not willing to assist, then he's not a welcome houseguest.  2.  Ask him to smoke outside.  3 when he is smoking outside and you feel guilty about it and also want one because HE is getting to indulge his habit and you are not, think the better of yourself.  While he is being a junkie, you are using all your forces to be strong and smokefree.  You are winning, he is losing.

You know what?  Whether you're trying to have a baby or not, are pregnant or not doesn't matter a hoot.  You've gotta do this for YOU.  And from what you've just written, you're smart enough to know all your traps.  Drinking is a major trap.  You know it, so.....don't drink when he's around. Or don't drink period.  Until you're secure in your quit.  Let me repeat that:  DO NOT DRINK in the early stages of your quit.  It makes you totally vulnerable to cravings.  Because you will rationalize anything when you've had a few.  Because you are - not yourself.  Because the liquor is warping the normal you. 

As George said:  if you know your triggers - why are you pulling them????   You wanna stay quit? - don't put another cigarette in your mouth.  If you're tempted - get the heck out of the room.  Change your focus.  Do something else.  Don't sit there and watch a smoker smoke.  It will only provoke you to do the same.  Dwell with those who don't.  Come here and blog.  And get Jim to help you stay quit.

[j-nette]

I agree with what has been said fo far......

[smokefreekitten]

 have been quit since january 2011. i had quit since june of 2010 when i started back up again for about the last two months of 2010. i have had a few slip ups, all when drinking or when hanging out with smoker friends. see, the thing is, i moved away from my hometown. so i have been away from my friends- all of whom smoke. this makes it difficult when visiting. i also was working out a lot, then i sprained my knee! it is so much easier to not think abotu how much i value all this newfound breathing capacity when i am not huffing and puffing while running on a treadmill. maybe these things sound like excuses, i am truly not trying to make them. i really just need to vent i guess. i did not realize how much i had to until i started typing this. as for dan, he is an extended houseguest because he has taken a leave of absence from his job and is trying to get one here- he is a few years younger than me and i am trying to help him out. i appreciate the fact that you, too, have recognized how FREAKEN NERVE WRACKING it can be to have another person in the house. and he is a great houseguest- he smokes outside, cleans up after himself, and tippy toes around, minding my strange sleeping schedule. i have also been working nights for the first time in years which is proving to be a trigger i never knew i had! i am also experiencing a lot of work stuff that is overwhelming me. all around, things have been tough.

Thank you for the great advice, Giulia. It all makes a lot of sense and I will take it to heart.

[madsmurf]

Kitten, My husband still smokes and so do all of my friends and family. It gets hard sometimes, but I made myself deal with it from the very beginning. I know I can't avoid being around smokers. Everyone goes outside to smoke at my house unless it's one of my uncles. I can't bring myself to ask them to smoke outside. I can handle being around people while they're smoking now. I even go outside for their smoke breaks with them. The more I made myself face it, the easier it got for me.

[Strudel]

I live with two smokers. I feel sorry for them. I do not drink however - so I would say that not drinking may be the key here until you feel firm enough in your quit to KNOW that you won't smoke no matter what is going on around you. Just a suggestion.....alcohol really lowers your thinking ability IMHO.

[Giulia]

  You may truly not be trying to make excuses, but they sure sound like it anyway.  Ask any long term quitter on here and I'll bet they see them the same way.  Excuses are EASY.  We don't have to try to make them.  They appear out of nowhere all the time.  Listen to yourself for a minute:

i moved away from my hometown. so...

then i sprained my knee!

how FREAKEN NERVE WRACKING it can be to have another person in the house

i have also been working nights

also experiencing a lot of work stuff that is overwhelming me

Venting is good and necessary.  But it doesn't matter if things are tough or not to a serious quitter.  Things are always going to be tough.  You ever gone through an entire week or month when nothing tough happened?  When nothing upset you?   If you have then I'd say you're in the minority.

Anyway, I don't mean to pick on you.  That's not my intent.  It's just to point out how we can undermine our determination and perseverance by letting the excuses take over.  Actually I think venting helps get RID of the emotional connection to the excuses and enables us to better handle them.  So keep venting!  But after you do, step outside yourself  and try to see it all from a distance.  A different perspective can help a lot..

You've got a 7 month quit  with some slips, it seems.   Get rid of the slips.  They aren't helping you.  Commit 150% and you'll make it - for life.  That's what it takes.  There is no half-way with getting rid of an addiction.  It's all or nothing.  You've got what it takes.  Do it.