Greetings fellow conquerors,
So, This quitting thing seems to be no problem at all. Just goes to show, it's pretty much mainly a mental thing. If you don't want to give it up, you won't. I think we all need to learn to get past our mental attachments, because the physical need for nicotine is something that is easily overcome.
So yesterday was my brother's funeral. I was fine till the drive to the funeral home. It was the longest, and quietest drive of my life. I have not been that nervous in a very long time. All my self confidence was drained from me when I walked into the building. Then I saw my brother laying there. Only a glimpse at first. which broke my heart again. Then my cousins asked me if I wanted to go up there and see him for the last time. So I went, and it drained me.
My poor mother. She's a complete wreck. She almost tipped the coffin over because she didn't wanna let go of her baby. It's understandable I suppose. Seeing her hurt made me hurt even worse. My brother didn't even seem like my brother.. he was pale, and the fat places in his face were slightly faded.
Today I've been drained and my body hurts from being so stressed out and tense from all of it. Every time I tell someone about what happened, they exclaim "Oh man! That story on the news was about your brother?!" So I get to tell the same story over and over. Maybe it helps, maybe it doesn't.
I am very close to my brothers. We grew up together, we were the trio. All my aunts were jealous of my mothers children because we were so tightly knit. I had to cry in my other brothers arms because only he felt the same pain of losing a brother. And when I could not be strong, he was strong for me. I love my brother who is here, and I love my brother who has passed on.
"There is no death, only a change of worlds." - American Indian Proverb
I hope all of you are doing well with the beginning of this year. I want to let everyone know, just because bad things are happening in the beginning of this year, doesn't mean this year is a bad one. This is year is here to test our strength and help us blossom into the beings we are suppose to be. Be it by your choice, or by a force of nature.
Be good people.
