Not sure how to start or finish this. My mom was the writer, not me. I've been here before, a million times like many of you, I'm sure. Always I tell myself, "This time I'm gonna make it."
THIS time I AM going to make it because for the first time, this time, I've no doubts.
A few years back my mother was diagnosed with stage 3 stomach cancer. Its been a roller coaster ride ever since, one that has included the two of us vowing to quit smoking. I remember as a kid she was constantly struggling with it and I too have struggled with trying to quit for years.
She went into the hospital the Thursday before Easter Sunday. I didn't even realize it was Easter weekend. I was supposed to be moving that weekend and had for some reason completed my move the week before. She called me that Thursday afternoon to tell me she thought she should go to the hospital and asked if I could please take her there.
When I got to her I ended up having to call 911 and have them come get her. When the medics arrived I heard one of them say the word "septic". I knew what that meant and I was terrified.
So as not to make this horrifically long, I'll try to stick to what's to be important out of this story.
My mother died on April 1, 2013. She was very sick and there wasn't a lot of talking going on other than occassional tears, laughter, and a few curse words. She, having been a nurse when she was younger, knew what was happening to her and she was scared. One thing that she did say, that I will never forget was, "This time I'm really going to quit when I get out of here."
On May 22nd I smoked my last cigarette and on May 23rd, I celebrated what would have been my mother's 65th birthday by quitting for the both of us.
There's a lot of truth to the saying that you have to really want to quit and it has to be something you're committed to. I always "thought" it was what I wanted, but for the first time out of countless times, it wasn't a hard thing to do. I guess I wasn't ready before.
Last night I went on a bike ride with my daughter. I haven't been on a bicycle since I was a teenager! Tonight I'm going for a walk.
If you're here.......
And you're ready......
It'll happen!
