Day 8....Counting down. The concept of the quote in the title of this post is a great one. One that I've tried to adhere to in many areas of my life. The problem with this concept isn't the concept itself but the way ones brain processes the feedback of the concept. Anxiety. If you live with it you understand. I'm not talking your run of the mill "____ makes me nervous". I'm talking the nasty, ugly, make you want to live in your bed because the world around you is to much to deal with, brain running non stop in 20 different directions at 500 miles per hour kinda anxiety. It is a daily battle within yourself to accomplish a balance of happy that works...that lets you function. Your brain is in constant battle with itself...One side listing the things you want to do, need to do and hope to do...The other telling you why you can't, shouldn't or won't. When you finally get to a point of balance, on a good day, your motoring along and there is still that little voice in the back of your mind telling you it won't last. All it takes is a seed of negativity. Once that seed is tossed into the garden that is your brain, it roots, under the soil and layer of mulch. Its the plant that grows into self doubt. And guilt. And negativity. While in my logic mind I know that all the feedback in the comment section is meant with the best intention. The positive, uplifting, supportive feedback nourishes the better side of my brain. The "tough love" is a seed. It sits there rooting waiting for my anxiety to kick in again and water it. And once it takes hold it over grows the whole Damn garden. While my logic self understand where that tough love is coming from (I'm a mom to a teenager, I use tough love myself) it's fuel the anxiety uses to grow and over power my logic self. I appreciate everyone's perspective and input. Sometimes my brain just isn't in the right place to process it. Or even strong enough to just take what it needs and leave the rest....because it's so tired from just having to make it through the day.
