I was living in Buffalo Estates in North Carolina with my sister, her hubby and their three children. My Mother came down ill and the Doctors didn't think she would make it much longer and called for the family to come home. The jobs my sister and hubby had wouldn't let them off until she actually died. I was 19 and had been working as a Nursing Assistant and Ward Clerk for several months but was still living with them. Babysitter, so to speak. Being a stuborn kid myself I wasn't about to let my Mother die without my being there, didn't matter that I might not have the money to get back to my job, if need be I could find another back in Oklahoma. I had worked at the Hospital that Mother was a patient in originally, they were the ones who trained me for the job I now held. I packed my things into the car I was driving and went to buy gas, oil, food and drinks and ice for the ice chest. My plan was to drive straight through. I could be back here in 24 hours. I prayed a lot, that my mother wouldn't die before I got there.
At the gas station as I was paying for my stuff they had a monster display of Cigarettes. North Carolina is a Tobacco State after all. The display caught my eye. My Sister smoked Salems, My Brother-in-law smoked Lucky Strikes, I had bought them cigarette here before. I was scared. Scared Mother would die. Scared I wouldn't be able to drive straight through, that I would get too sleepy. Mechanical troubles were the least of my worries as I had helped or actually done the work on various cars since I was 13 years old. I needed something to steady my nerves, I was about to chicken out. The thought came to me, if they can smoke and do the things they do then just maybe I can do this, if I smoke. I bought a couple of pack of Kents, one full flavored shorts, one menthol 100's. The clerk questioned me on this and I lied. I said I was buying them for my sister, something different. I paid I left. I stopped in tthe town where I worked told the job about my Mother. Highlighted the Highways and Interstates on the map, which I carefully folded, placing it within easy view on the seat beside me, popped the top on a can of Pepsi, opened the pack of full flavored Kents and light it. Never coughed. Never Gagged. Started the Car and took off for the first leg of my journey. I had it broken down in my mind into little trips. Greensboro to Ashland, Ashland to Nashvile, etc. I never let myself dwell on the whole trip at one time. I would stop before I got to the next big town at a gas station and closely examine the enlarged view of the interstate that went through the town. I smoked while I did this. I made myself sandwiches and opened bags of chips and donuts and packages of candy so all I had to do was reach over and pick up something and stuff my mouth with it. I sang to the radio at the top of my lungs and when ever I stopped I would walk around the vehicle at least 3 times to stretch my legs and help wake me up..
I made it over 1000 miles, a teenage female, in exactly 24 hours, by myself and My Mother was still alive when I got there. She lived another 12 to 15 years after that. Me, I am still smoking. I have been as high as 3 packs a day and as few as--0 for 28 days. My favorite smoke is a Menthol, but I will smoke nonmenthols.
I have been toying with the idea of quitting since 1991, when I had my first 28 day quit after surgery on August 1st. I begame so engrossed in a Crave for a cigarette that I actually threatened to kill my husband if he didn't give me one. I scared him so bad that He threw his pack at me and left the scene, hoping I would pass out from it or get sick. Neither of which happened. I started considering quitting again in 2003 but never made it past day 3 even with the patches and the support programs online they have. Two years ago I decided to try the smoking cessation group route, only there isn't any in my neck of the woods. I gave up and called 1-800-QUIT-NOW and ended up on a different site. I saw the Ad for this one on Yahoo and thought what the heck it can't hurt. I've got to do something to help me kick these last few cigarettes. I don't usually buy them, I bum them. Yes, we smokers are the sharingest people in the world and I still think the friendliest and caringest even if we are killing ourselves one smoke at a time. Most of the Nonsmokers I know are a bunch of nit-pickers, who don't really seem to give a toot about anybody but themselves. That last thought I have felt most of my life. I just hope that by quitting I don't become one of them. I think I would rather die than do that.
