Two weeks ago I had a five hour major surgery - they fused L4 to L5 and L5 to S1 in my back. It was very difficult. Then my husbands mother and brother and his wife (who live overseas) sent him birthday wishes and didn't care a damn or even ASK how I was doing while I spent five days in the hospital (and YES, they knew about it). The uncaring a-holes didn't care that I had compression boots on, two IV's, a catheter, a wound drain and a 5-6 inch incision down my spine and will have to wear a body cast for three months to heal. On top of this, a good friend of mine passed away suddenly from leukemia. I spoke to her (online, in hospital) on the Wednesday, and then on the Friday she contracted pneumonia and died on the Sunday at lunchtime. It was so fast! and unexpected. I hoped she was going to make it.
So, when I got the chance, I had some ciggys. I'm not proud of it and I'm not resetting my clock but it's been a couple of days now and I don't feel any craving to do it again - thank goodness. I firmly believe that the slip I had was needed to wake me up. Also, my fusion in my spine might not 'take' if I smoke so I CANNOT go back to smoking. I'm just staying away from those situations again and re-setting my MIND. I'm going to go and re-read the Allen Carr stuff from start to finish to remind me why I quit and want to stay quit.
It was stupid of me to do it and I didn't even 'enjoy' them' but they were there and I smoked them. If I don't have any around, then I don't crave them. Jeesh, it's taken a lot to admit this, but I have to be honest about it. I was going so well and then 3 1/2 months into it, I messed up. But - the true test is to pick yourself up, dust yourself off and CARRY ON again and that is what I'm doing.
