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Share your quitting journey

Where Did My Sanity Go?

Sonia2019
Member
5 30 454

I'm starting to wonder if I ever had sanity to begin with...Lol! Honestly, I'm beginning to think that smoking was the only thing that helped me to maintain my sanity...? Although I'm fully aware of how terrible smoking is, the money wasted, the toll on my health, etc....etc., and what the benefits are for no longer doing it, I still struggle with certain aspects of it. This is the 4th attempt I've made to quit in 22 years. And, thanks to my current regimen of Chantix, the patch, and occasionally the lozenges, this has been my easiest attempt, hands down! So, the physiological aspect has actually been a breeze. The meds seem to be doing their job and I'm very thankful for that. The cravings have been very minimal, if at all. However, I think my issue is psychological. I enjoyed smoking....there are days that I miss smoking. 

Who, in their right mind, thinks this way? Is it just me? If so, I must not be in my right mind, right? This is what makes me question my sanity, or lack thereof. Where did it go? Will this feeling ever go away? Although I haven't smoked in over a month, I still feel like I identify as a smoker. It's like going on a diet and losing tons of weight but still thinking think like the heavier version of yourself (something else I've also done). I'm trying to stay positive that this will go away in time. Which leads me to why I'm here. I joined this community about a month ago but really only started to poke around in it today....there's lots to take in! So many positive comments and overwhelming support out there!! I'm so glad I joined and look forward to the camaraderie of my fellow non-smokers!

30 Comments
MarilynH
Member

Welcome to the community we're all here to help you in any way we can you are doing super fantastic with your awesome quit journey congratulations on over a month of Smokefree living YAY for each and every Day WON, I also wondered about my sanity in those early weeks of quitting smoking BUT the more I read here I realized that it takes time to relearn life without the crutch of cigarettes once you stop and think about how many decades you smoked and that every blessed you did was wrapped around the smokes then it makes sense that it's going take time to get to that good place in your quit BUT with commitment and perseverance you will succeed in living a life of Freedom.....

GregM
Member

Congrats on quitting and improving your health!! I think we were all insane every time we lit up. We knew it was harming us yet we atill puffed away. I thought that I enjoyed smoking as well but it’s like that  friend who loves trouble and doesn’t really care about you. What your feeling is normal. The longer you go the less you will feel that way and eventually you don’t even think about lightning up.

You can do this! 

Mandolinrain
Member

I am so glad your quitting but I have one concern and POSSIBLY I AM REALLY WRONG, so forgive me now if I am.......

Am I to understand you are on Chantix, the patch AND lozenges? To me, that sound like a lot at once? I am no expert on this but am concerned for you. I am a cold turkey quitter BUT I have nothing against anyone using NRT's to quit, but honestly, this is the first  time I have ever seen someone using three at once....so am worried about side effects and your heart. So please understand, I am only asking in a 'concerned' way. I don't want to see anything happen to you.

Found this on the Chantix site:

It is not known if CHANTIX is safe and effective when used with other stop-smoking medicines. You should not use CHANTIX while using other medicines to stop smoking. Using CHANTIX with a nicotine patch may cause nausea, vomiting, headache, dizziness, upset stomach, and tiredness to happen more often than if you just use a nicotine patch alone. Tell your healthcare provider if you use other treatments to quit smoking. Talk to your healthcare provider to learn more about how to quit smoking.

I

Sonia2019
Member

Thank you @ Marilyn, much appreciated!

Sonia2019
Member

Thank you @GregM,  I can definitely relate to that "friend who loves trouble" statement. So true!

Sonia2019
Member

Thank you for sharing your thoughts @Mandolinrain, I understand and appreciate your legitimate concern. Rest assured, I'm being monitored by my Doctor (in the Pulmonary Department), who also prescribed me VERY LOW dosages on these.  I realize that this method is not for everyone so I do recommend that individuals seek medical advice from their Doctor prior to beginning any smoking cessation methods.

Mandolinrain
Member

I am glad to hear your doing this under your Doctors supervision. A few year ago a friend of our used the chantix  with the patch and became hypertensive and had a heart attack. So when I read your post , it scared me. I wish you well and look forward to supporting you in your quit journey 

Sonia2019
Member

Makes perfect sense. I'm grateful to have your support, thanks again!

Thomas3.20.2010

Addiction is insanity by definition. Freedom recuperates your brain. It's sooooo with it! 

Sonia2019
Member

Indeed, thanks Thomas, recuperation is key!

Giulia
Member

You cannot poke around too much on this site.  If you're insane, then we ALL are.  But you're not.  You're just addicted to nicotine.  Welcome to the club.  A lot of our "enjoyment" came from just fulfilling our next fix.  When the nicotine levels drop in our bodies, our brains start screaming for more.  When we give them that more by smoking a cigarette, they calm down and that makes us feel like we "enjoy" smoking.  If you can, think back to that very first cigarette you smoked.  Made you kind of nauseous and maybe cough, didn't it?  That's the truth of what a cigarette tastes like before we're addicted.  The rest is all lies.  

meWisconsin
Member

"I enjoyed smoking....there are days that I miss smoking. "

That is the addiction talking. At one time we all thought we enjoyed smoking but after being quit for a while we realize it was all a big lie. Keep up the good quit, you are doing great.

Terry

sweetplt
Member

HI Sonia2019 and Welcome to Ex’s...

Glad you joined our site.  You are making a good decision to quit smoking.  WE all liked smoking and/or so we thought...in the end we were addicted to it...we had urges and fed the addiction...we got dopamine that made us feel good ... so hence, we loved smoking...but it was lies...we are addicts...read more about addicting and smoking and you will be amazed.  I suggest you read My EX Plan | BecomeAnEX even though you already quit smoking.  Also, keep busy and try to find new things to replace those missed moments from smoking....we are here for you...Come to the support site often for help and to encourage others on this journey...Happy Friday ~ Colleen 410 DOF 

Barbscloud
Member

Congrats on continued success.  Too me, it's early in your quit.  As time passes, you'll begin to feel like a non-smoker.

Barb

Sonia2019
Member

Thank you for the reminder, Giulia. That first cigarette was pretty nasty. How soon we forget!

Sonia2019
Member

Thank you Terry!

Sonia2019
Member

All good advice! Thank you Colleen!

Sonia2019
Member

Thank you Barb, I can't wait to get there!

brittneyd.rice

Who enjoys smoking? I think we all thought we did. Thats why I love Allen carr's book so much! He helped me see I really didn't enjoy it at all.  Give it a read if you haven't. 

Mysticcat
Member

Congrats on being quit. I too thought of my self as a smoker for short while after I quit. I felt funny putting down non smoker in health info. I felt as if I should explain or something; crazy thinking.  The further away I got from smoking, the more I felt like a non smoker and proud to that box. No more explanation needed. I believe you’ll see things differently too in time. 

maryfreecig
Member

When I missed my smoking life, I was in addiction mode--it's mental, physical and emotional. I could not separate these things into separate compartments of dependency--they were intertwined. I missed smoking because I clearly remembered smoking. It took time to break the memory. Early on, I did not want to. I felt an allegiance to my smoking life. This was not simply psychological, for if I did not remember the physical I would not have glorified smoking. The physical addiction reshaped my thinking. Breaking it was the best thing I ever did.

Thanks for sharing how you are doing. Congratulations on all the progress you've made. Keep building your smobriety one day at a time. 

Mindfullydone
Member

Thank you for your post and no you are not alone. We "enjoyed" smoking because we wired our brains to do so. However, as a double winner (recovering alcoholic and day 10 non smoker) I can tell you that one of the tools that will help you with 'romancing the smoke" is acceptance. Acceptance that smoking is no longer an option, that cigarette in hand I hurt myself and those who love me. That smoking is the dubious privilege of others. To put it another way, you don't see people with peanut allergies hanging around in the peanut butter aisle going "Should I??"

In other words, you are not alone and we got your back.

minihorses
Member

Hi Sonya. Congratulations on being an EX-smoker for over a month!  You have hit "No Man's Land" and everything you said was completely characteristic for someone in NML.  You aren't losing your sanity (that's seemingly my full time job, lol) The emotional ride in NML can be a roller coaster but there are many people going through it at any given time. Unfortunately this is the hardest part of the quitting process and some go back to smoking thinking they'll feel better, which is absolutely wrong.  Stay here with loving, supporting 'quitters', stay strong and believe in yourself.  You got this!

Julie

Swanbird
Member

I really relate to what you said!  I loved smoking and never ever thought I would quite,  I am taking chantix too and nic gum.  Just like you I am doing fabulous except I remember how much I thought I loved smoking too.  I am close to you in the quit day 30 for me.  If you're insane, I am!  And many others I am sure of that!  Let's hang in there and try to figure this out together!

Sonia2019
Member

Will do, thank you Brittney!

Sonia2019
Member

Thank you Mysticcat, appreciate your support

Sonia2019
Member

Smobriety....makes sense, I look forward to it Thank you Maryfreecig.

Sonia2019
Member

Thank you for sharing, Mindfullydone. I appreciate your support and want you to know it goes both ways. We have your back, also. 

Sonia2019
Member

Thank you Julie. This place is vaguely familiar to me, I've been here before. The difference this time is all of the amazing, supportive and wonderful people like yourself! I feel like I actually have a map that will lead me outta NML for good!

Sonia2019
Member

You got it, Swanbird. Together, we can accomplish anything! Thank you for your support

About the Author
I started smoking in 1997 and have made 3 previous attempts to quit (longest success was for 2 1/2 years). I'm now on my 4th (and final?) attempt. It's really hard to give up something you enjoy doing, even though you know it's bad for you and those around you. My last cigarette was on 12/10/19. Time to finally break this chain that binds me, once and for all!