Ok so I have learned so much about the person I was 9 days ago compared to who I am today.
1. Withdraw suck A$$ but I got through those shakes, the INTENSE anger, and the horrible waves of sadness.
2. I never thought I was strong enough for this, BUT I AM! When I first came to this site I was sure I'd start smoking again...i figured i would do it for a couple days and then i would end up "relapsing" because I wasnt strong enough. That damned smoker in me kept telling me i couldnt do it, that i was weak...that smoker is mean and i dont like her.
3. I was sooooo angry as a smoker! I was, i cant believe what a difference a few days can make. now i want to be really clear about this. I am manic depressive. I have been on medications since i was in jr. high for this. and even though my medications always made me feel better, i never lost the anger i had. 5 days after i stopped smoking i had a horrible break down where i laid on my basement floor and just let it all out. and ever since that i look at myself and everything around me differently. I cant say it IS from not smoking but i do know that if i never stopped i wouldnt be as happy as i am right now. Yes its still a struggle and i have thoughts but i am not mad at myself, my husband, my kids, my thoughts anymore. I dont need a crutch, i can make it better all by myself.
4. I have a ton of fun playing with my kids...I am a stay at home mom and i never played with my kids much beside things like hide and seek or tag...something that made them go away from me so i could SMOKE! god that was mean of me, not even to them but to myself! I had no idea what i was missing in my kids because i was to busy with a smoke. But let me tell you playing lego starwars with your 6 year old and my little ponys with your 4 year old, that is sooo much better then smoking!
5. THE SMELLS ARE EVIL!!! i have a blog about my van and how horrible it was, well thats fixed but you would not believe all the evil smells i have found every where! lol my sniffer works so much better, even if sometimes i dont want it to!
6. SMELLS ARE WONDERFUL!!!!!!! i have a very small garden....i can honestly say i thought the flowers in it just didnt smell....they DO! I took the dogs for a walk and it was like flipping a switch (or i had just noticed) but we walked by them and i could smell them! I was so happy. cooking is so much nicer...i never realized how good my food smells...i always liked the taste but the smells are just awesome...lol. my clothes, hair, van, KIDS, everything i used to touch smelled like smoke....now everything just smells the way it SHOULD!
7. I do have more ENERGY! smoking made me lazy...and i have had a couple days where i wanted to sit and do nothing or sleep but i told my self no, get up clean your house do what ya have to do. Smoking gave me the excuse to sit around and smoke! it made me feel tired and just not wanting to do anything cuz if thats all you do..guess what your not going to have the energy to do anything!
I am not saying that I wont have a bad day in the future...it might be tomarrow for all i know, and i am not saying I wont have thoughts of smoking, or that i am beyond the addiction now and need not worry about if i will smoke or not again. I know there is always a chance of starting back up if i dont protect my quit. But i want to protect it, i dont want to be that angry person who sits around, doesnt have the energy for her kids, and cant even smell flowers anymore! I am better then that, I did this! i can do this for the rest of my life and i know it. before i NEVER thought i could, now i just see that was me trying to get in my own way. If you are just starting on your way to quitting YOU CAN DO THIS! it is hard work...especially the first few days, and i am not saying day 9 is a peice of cake but from some one who has smoked since they where 9! (now 28) if you just get to your first week...thats it..make it till 7 days. and after the first 7 you will know you never want to go back to the way you where before. it is life changing in nothing but GOOD ways! Good luck to you all and YOU CAN DO THIS!
btw i am a horrible at spelling...never did very good at it in school...lol sorry for any and all misspellings
~Amber
