Well it was a day lost...

[ISPEAKINALLCAPS]

I slipped the first freaking day! 

It wasn't a small drag slip, it was like bought a pack and smoked 5...I woke up again this morning just irritated with myself.

Am I really this weak? That's how I feel...I know your supposed to just move on and keep pushing  but OMG I am just upset with myself.

-

In more things than just quitting smoking I have a difficult time keeping promises I have made to myself, whether it be to consistently work out,  keep my room clean, set a schedule to get certain things done. It is something that has bothered me for a long time and I am not sure how to change that. 

I always seem to justify it to myself somehow...like with the slip my quit date isn't set for 03/01/2017 but I wanted to make strides towards doing it before then. So when I bought the pack and smoked it I was like,

"well? I am not quitting till the first"

What the hell is that? It's an excuse...I am so tired of making excuses to myself and not holding myself to my own word!

I feel like Dr. Jeckle and Mr. Hyde, on one hand I am sensible and on the other hand I am just some poisonous monster who will do anything to do the worst for myself up to and not excluding hurting myself (i.e smoking, eating junk food, not working out). 

With quitting smoking I want to replace some of the things in my routine with working out. Then Ms. Hyde wants to be a negative Nancy and say things like...

"but you don't want to just walk or run on a treadmill like a hamster, do you?"

Then I listen to the dummy, cause I don't want to just run on a treadmill but I also don't want to go out in the cold to walk either, but I would bundle up and go outside and smoke?! WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?!?!

Somehow I can manage to make the concession for the things that are bad for me but if it is good for me I make an excuse and just rest in it?! I feel like no matter how frustrated I get at myself, I have no action plan. I am one of those people who want things spelled out in nice neat little lists of instructions. My other problem is keeping myself accountable. Everyone is enthusiastic on the first day.

DAY 1: Self:I am gonna work out today and for the rest of the week!"

DAY 2: "Oh Milanta! I hurt everywhere"

DAY 3: "Oh Look! PIE!"

DAY 4: "I need to work out, eh"

Wash, Rinse, Repeat with anything that is a benefit! 

I wonder sometimes if I should find a therapist, to help me work through the magazine rack of issues I got stock piled.

[freeneasy]

 Stop feeling bad about it and start over today.Make it day won. 

[elvan]

You have to pick yourself up and go on, I slipped many times before I got to the place where I made my commitment stick and I did this for myself, no one else.  You will not believe how empowering it is to be free from the chains of addiction.  Don't beat yourself up, pick yourself up.

[ISPEAKINALLCAPS]

That is my problem... I am having a hard time picking myself back up...

[ISPEAKINALLCAPS]

I know the end game will be glorious! It is getting there...it's fighting the Ms. Hyde part of my thinking. I don't know how to let it die.

[Mandolinrain]

So Sorry this happened to you but Im gonna give you a dose of the same TUFF LOVE that was handed out to me back when I decided to ruin my quit. You fell on ice??? Tripped over and stumbled and fell down? 

Theres no slipping with smoking. You made a conscious decision to smoke. You planned and and you acted on it. Period. Now this is MY opinion and i am sure others will come in an pat you on the back and say its ok.... and that I have no heart, blah blah blah

I am here to help you just like I was helped and it worked. I had plenty of failed quits, believe me. I do know how hard you can be on yourself. I AM HAPPY that YOU CAME HERE and fessed up! Many don't. 

Okay so now you recognize the things that made you smoke. Pay attention now.....as much as YOU CHOSSE to smoke...you can CHOOSE not to....Your not a failure because this is hard . You can do this! Excuses are just a stumbling block to keep you in failure mode. So when the 'EXCUSES' pile on you back brush them off. Recognize it. Come to this site before you go buy smokes. Recognize that the smokes are just lying to you again and REFUSE to keep going around the same ole mountain.

Have you been researching , reading blogs??? Have you read Allen Carrs book called the EASY WAY TO STOP SMOKING?

Ok, so you screwed up...but hey...I give you a TON of credit for coming in here, fessing up and reaching out. This is doable...YOU CAN do it!!! I am glad your going to give it another go. YOU ARE WORTH T!!!, don't let the smokes beat you up and tell you your not.

~Missy

[elvan]

Prepare, figure out what went wrong and plan for the next time.  Remember things always go wrong, that's life, good and bad, smoking does not change anything.  All it does is damage to your mental and physical health.  You will be astounded at how empowered you will feel.  Set a new date, the sooner the better and get ready, get rid of all the smoking stuff, ashtrays, lighters, matches, obviously cigarettes and make a list of your triggers and how strong they are, then make a list of what you will do instead of smoking.  Drink cold water, take a shower, go for a walk, suck on sour candies, bite into a lemon, rind and all, call a friend, blog on EX.  You CAN do this but you have to be willing to endure some discomfort.  That's all it is...discomfort.  It gets easier but the only way out is through.  NOPE, NOPE, NOPE Not One Puff EVER!

[ISPEAKINALLCAPS]

Missy,

   Thank you...and your right, I made the decision and then immediatly regretted it. Its a fight with myself. I can do this...and I am glad that coming here to talk about it wasn't met with soul crushing admonishment like I am child ( which is why it is difficult to talk to my family).

Keep the tuff love comin...

[John10forteen]

Hey ISPEAK... NO WORRIES, See the good man, you're testing the waters, yea.. like smart man. Keep talking to us everyday if you can.  Go back to original quit date but make today your START day. Stay here and START learning. We'll teach you how to use that high energy of yesterday by distributing into a few days at a time. And also how to dissipate the lows without smoking. SO.. YOU STILL DID GOOD. i SPEAK IN CAPS TOO.

So glad you [posted today.

Have a good one and smile. 

[Mortalzeus]

OMG! The day was not LOST! A LESSON was Learned!  Today I am at 126 DOF and this is my 4th QUIT! I probably got a half dozen KINDA QUITS behind me too!  Shake it off, Refocus, and Relearn life without cigarettes! We are here to help, use us!

Darren

[Mandolinrain]

Well I had many failed attempts myself. I have much respect that you can clean about it and you want to quit. For me  it clicked when I totally had an understanding of the WHY I wanted to smoke. Once I understood how the chemical addiction truly was keeping me coming back for more and more I realized, unless I stop this craziness...It will get the best of me....and win.

Decide that YOU are going to not cave and get busy reading the material suggested. It will save your life, I promise. Keep coming back here. Your not ever alone. So many of us failed many times, just as you just did. Its not the end of the world. Get back on track. Start a quit journal, that also helped me.

Be strong. replace the smokes for a brisk walk...even if its only a 5 minute walk. Now thats something good.

Hugs

[ISPEAKINALLCAPS]

I titled it that way because its day won...and I didn't win... I gave up in some regard. Which to me is losing...and I am dramatic...and very hard on myself with everything, especially failure...obviously not enough to freaking smack myself into a good habit but I am going to keep making the effort till something sticks.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

 Since you are starting over maybe you should start at the very beginning instead of in the middle.

Start First, by educating yourself about nicotine addiction.  Education is the key to a successful quit.

Read: Freedom from Nicotine My Journey Home and Nicotine Addiction 101         

Here are the links      http://whyquit.com/whyquit/LinksAAddiction.html   and http://whyquit.com/ffn/

Also Read   Allen Carr’s book, “Easy Easier Way to Quit Smoking”.       

The link is here:  http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

[freeneasy]

Quitting smoking is hard. It's uncomfortable physically, psychologically and emotionally. Try to stay positive-easier said than done but you are in control! It's doable -there's lots of proof right here that it can be done. 

[Daniela2016]

Please do all the recommended reading before you even pick another quit day.  You need to be informed about everything that can be a trigger for you, you need to understand how you can beat it, get over it, and keep on going on your recovery path.

You are not dramatic, just anxious about a process you might not be prepared properly to conquer.

Take a step back, try to be conscious when you smoke, why you just smoked that cigarette, ask yourself if you can postpone lighting one, how long can you go without one, pay attention to all these things.  It is like getting trained for a marathon; you start with small distances, and work your way towards your goal.

Don't talk down to yourself, change the way you look at the whole process; it is a process, a journey, not a one time deal!

You can do it, we all have it in us to be able to do it.

[YoungAtHeart]

More tough love coming - so be forewarned.  I am guessing you didn't do the recommended reading, or tracking, or the exercise to put each cigarette off a bit.  I am guessing you didn't use the tracking to figure out your triggers and to make plans what you will do instead in those situations.  I am guessing you don't have a list of your personal reasons to quit, and some cut up straws, perhaps some mints.  Did you think about using any quit aids?  Did you make a plan while you were anticipating your quit date of things you can do to distract yourself when a crave hits? 

Einstein tells us the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

This takes some effort in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.  Don't worry about remaining quit for the first day - just take it an hour at a time.  Get busy, drink lots of water ---- you've been given the tools.  I hope you will use them.

(btw - most folks naturally start to live more healthfully when they quit smoking....losing weight, exercising, eating more healthy.  It seems to follow a quit almost across the board.  So - don't worry about ALL of that at once.  Tackle the smoking first - the confidence you gain by accomplishing that will naturally lead you to the rest of your goals!)

Nancy

[Thomas3.20.2010]

I don't know about you but I can use guilt and Self-recrimination as an excuse piled on my first excuse. I run myself down with that critical voice in my head I know soooo well and say to myself, I don't want to feel so guilty so I'll just quit trying! Insidious! Your Addictive Brain knows you better than anybody because it is a part of you! Cut it out! You have to listen and focus on the fact that you made a decision - and by golly, you will respect your self and your decision enough to make it happen no matter what! Start wth smoking because of all the things you mentioned above by far the most self-destructive is smoking hands down! You'll get to the rest of the list one at a time!

[Mortalzeus]

 Still, I love the spirit you brought yesterday  and great idea, find what works for you and stick to it!

[MarilynH]

Chin up my friend and pick yourself up, dust yourself off, take a deep breath and start your day one so that you can say at the end of your first day yay for Day WON, believe in yourself and know that you can and will succeed! 

[crazymama_Lori]

Could it be that you are thinking in the big picture rather than the small?  You're looking too far down the road that it is becoming unforeseeable?  Are you keeping yourself busy instead of focusing on not smoking?  I set up projects around the house that required busy time.  Things I really didn't have to do, that I put off doing, that I didn't really want to do in the first place, but man did it work off that tension.  I ripped off every single piece of shelving paper.  I took down and washed every single curtain in the house and washed every single window.  I ripped off wallpaper.  You never knew what was going on around here on a daily basis for like a month.  but it got me through it.  Sometimes it's just plain easier to wake up and say, I'm not smoking today.  That's it, today, today only.  When you wake up the next day, rinse and repeat.  Go back to that exercise that they wanted you to go through in the beginning of things to do  to separate when you were tracking your cigarettes before your quit date.  Those things to separate are your toolbox thingies.  Your personalized attack team.  If you haven't done that, then go back and fill it out.  Get your plan together.  You can do this !!!!

[bonniebee]

Well I see you keep your sense of humor !  You do have to make a commitment and stick to it ,we can help you but you have to do it . Just keep trying ...better to mess up on the first day then to go through days of withdrawal and then blow it ! Maybe just wait until your quit date of march 1st and have no excuses 

[Giulia]

Haven't read other's comments so I might just be reiterating. If so, that ain't a bad thang because I know my fellow Exers here and they all have the best advice

.

"I feel like no matter how frustrated I get at myself, I have no action plan." Then concoct one. That's the homework necessary prior to beginning this journey. You need a plan and a strong one. And you need to commit to it.  Nothing less will get you the freedom you seek.  This is addiction takes many an unwary and unprepared  journeyman and eats them up and spits them out to another day one time and time again.  A strong preparation makes for a strong quit.

"I am one of those people who want things spelled out in nice neat little lists of instructions."

1. Day One - don't smoke, don't go buy a pack, don't bum one.

2. Day two. Ditto.

3. Day three. Ditto.

"My other problem is keeping myself accountable." If YOU don't keep yourself accountable who will? You haven't yet agreed to the commitment.  You're still hoping for an out, still fighting the choice.  Once you accept the choice and the commitment, accountability no longer becomes a problem.  Agree and accept.  It will make everything much easier.

You know yourself and your excuses very well. You need no shrink to unwrap your head and put it back together.  You have all the answers.  You just need to act on the right ones is all.

A little playlet that I think is similar to the back and forth dialogue that we all go through between that part of us that wants to quit and the addicted part that needs it's fix:  /blogs/Giulia-blog/2016/09/06/a-quit-dialogue-in-iv-acts 

You can do this - no doubt about it.  Just give in to the choice.  Accept it. And be willing to go through whatever it takes to get to the other side of it.  Can you say yes to that?  If you can, you won't fail.  If you can't, then you simply need to figure out for yourself the means necessary to get you there psychologically.  Continuing reading and education is one of those means.