Well, I am struggling with this statistics class, the apprehensions of an up-coming surgery, and chronic severe pain. Then around day 100+ a few it happened--I got licked! I picked up those damned cancer sticks again. I have wanted to write every one and fess up. You all keep in such good contact with me checking in on me that I was so embarrassed to admit I relapsed on cigs again! I hit triple digits plus a few days after that & I picked up again. I know I have to put them down again and soon. Having a bone surgery and smoking just is really bad. I know in the hospital I cannot smoke and that will be a great way to start stopping again. It is only the 7th though. The surgery isn't until the 31st. I am giving myself an excuse to keep on smoking until then which is wrong. I have tried using the Chantix to quit again but they are making me sick every time I get to the increaseed dose. I'm getting really sick to my stomach. Looks like it will be the cold turkey approach. The patches work well but they just don't stay on me. I want so much to stop. I am kicking myself in the ass the whole time. And they are soooo expensive. Being on disability and wasting money on these things is stupid. Well, there it is. I feel better just getting it out. I think of you all every time I light up. You all are stuck in my head. Please pray for me to find the inner strength to stop again--for good. I tell myself that OK this will be the last time--no more. I have even bought a pack and smoked one and then ran the whole pack under water. DUH!! Thank you all for being such good support and caring so much. I'll just have to start over again. I'm glad you all are in my life! God bless, Stacey
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