So this is day 8. My name is Danielle and I am 33 years old. I have been a daily smoker since I was 15. Damn 18 years.... This is my 5th attempt at quitting. 1) Cold Turkey - 3 days 2) Patch - 62 Days 3) Patch-93 days (I wanted to smoke and punch someone for 93 days straight) 4) Chantix- 6 months 9 days. I have wanted to write about my quitting since the day of, but to be honest I haven't been able to focus on much for any extended period of time and most likely my entry would have looked like:
Day 1
ARGHHHHGHGHGHHGHGHGHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! akdfj;oiaf a;iojdfkiasdfk;dlkfjl dkljfa;lksdj ;aoldkfj a;dk
asdijf;oiajdf;o adjfoidsj fiodj
You get the point 🙂
I am using Chantix to quit again and I I have been taking it now for 2 weeks. I do think it helped with making me not want to smoke but it has also really messed with my sleep. I haven't had nightmares or anything, just very vivid dreams. I like the dreams but I wish it wasn't every night so at least I could get a good nights rest. Anyway back to the quitting. Why am I doing it this time? I want to have a baby. That amongst all of the typical I want to be healthier, I want to save money, I want to breath better.etc.etc. Those reasons have existed everytime I have tried to quit. I recently got married and we really started talking about starting a family and I got to thinking. "I am in my 30's, I have one ovary, my step-son is already 15, wow, I am getting a late start and F@*K, I smoke!!!" I don't think I have truely liked smoking for sometime and it became something I did because I felt I couldn't quit.
Everyday this past week I have wanted to kick myself for smoking again the last time. I was doing so good too. 6 months and 9 days. It seems like so long right now. I was completely quit, went to the bar for my birthday and thought I could be one of those people that smoke only when they drink, I cannot. Big surprise there, as I have only heard it about 1000 times. Its kinda like when you are a kid and your parents tell you "believe me, when you're older blah, blah blah" and you don't listen because you know better and you'll show them. I didn't show anyone anything except for how quickly you can be a smoker again from just one ciggarette. It was like I never even quit.
Well, I AM doing it this time. I still want to punch someone, but my husband said I can punch him if I really need to LOL. The cravings are getting less, but I still reach for my smokes out of habit. So far the car has been the hardest. Its too cold to clean it myself so I may need to break down and get it detailed so it doesn't smell anymore. I also think there needs to be a setting on tv to block out all smoking in general.
We are going to the gym tonight so I can really reap the benefits of not smoking. Going to see how long I can run without wanting to die. Not sure if anyone is going to read this, but sure does feel good to get it out. The hubby is being as supportive as he can but he has never smoked and never been addicted to anything so is having a hard time understanding when I am like "AAARGGHH I just want to smoke". He says but you want to quit right? Yes, I want to quit, but I want to smoke too. Makes perfect sense to me.
I tried to tell him it was like if he felt like he had to poop really bad (turtle, turtle) but there was no bathroom. There wouldn't ever be a bathroom and if he wanted the feeling to go away he just had to wait five minutes. The feeling would come very often for the first month or two and then greadually get less frequent. It could be years later and occassionally, he would still feel the urgent need to poop but there would never be a bathroom, ever.
That is my best explanation and it made me laugh so I will finish with that. To everyone else that is trying to quit, You can do it!............and you have a bathroom 🙂
