Dear habbit, you lied to me, you stole so many parts of me and my family. You took so much away that could have should have and bow will be for us. You are a bad example of what spent time money focus health and effort is supposed to look like. I was deceived when I picked you up, thinking you'd bring relief from stress depression anxiety trauma distress and ptsd. You did right the opposite for us all. Even worst you tore me down farther. I became weak with you, you took my energy appetite health youth focus strength moral confidence and a lot of self worth from me and you brought on shame embarrassment fatigue financial burden and so many lost hours have been spent on you instead of the better things that should have doing. You bring me harm and no good, you have no good to offer me or my household. I've struggled battle after battle to defeat you. I found deliverance and then I fell for you again. But this time has been different, I have found no peace or comfort from you at all. All I have found is disgust, hate, brokenness over my sin, discouragement, shame, guilt, deeper anxiety and depression, severe brain fog, zero appetite, deception, lost self esteem and worth, lost willpower, hurt, despair at your nagging whispers saying that i cant , overworked trying to hide your smell, sick of your taste, and a complete depletion of my mental emotional physical health and harm in my spiritual wellbeing. You have been in the way of and took time away from my self care, health, eating, hydrating, playing with my kids, spending time working on my self, prayer life and study of scripture, my emotions, my focus, my mind function, my body, my skin, my finances,devotion to the right things, schedules and routines, work, energy, sleep, marriage, and so much more. My children hate seeing me sgruggle with you, and I do not want to set an example to my children that it is ok to use you, or that you are of any value or good for them or me. But want to set an example that they need that God can and does deliver, give strength and grace and healing and that he is zealous in his almighty power and faithfulness in doing so. What my household needed all along was and is Christ, and a better me walking in him as a living example of God's grace and love. They never needed the example of turning to you in hopeless despair. Now I am leaving you for good, though I failed and I am weak, I will get back up and trade every second with you for the treasure I have in christ and with the amazing family he gave to me. We will thrive we will overcome we will be delivered we will rise. We will heal and we will leave all of the broken pieces behind with you and embrace the growth we found through enduring hardship and trials. They may see me break cry and struggle but they will also see God's hand and power and strength in my own weakness and how faithful he is to pick his children back up again and make them whole and new and to fulfill his promises so faithfully with even the weakest of his children and that he will never leave nor forsake them. They will see his divine grace love and goodness through this deliverance from you and through many other things throughout life. Though you were years of wasted time money health ect and you brought ruin in many ways, God will bring beauty from your end with us. Your one out of many of the weapons that was used against us for our harm, and its been quiet a battle in this warfare for so long, but finally letting go, embracing freedom deliverance new growth strength power encouragement dignity wisdom love knowledge understanding self control endurance and standing back up again feels so good. I look forward to victory.
