Very Rough Morning

[MichelleDiane]

I cannot understand my 50th day smoke free.  This morning I woke up angry and tired (both are not good things to be when you are on your journey).  I didn't really know why, but the nicodemon was strong an unrelenting.  At any point I thought I was going to lose it, but I came to this site and decided to read.  I came across a blog written by Sandi4 on her 50 days.  It gave me much food for thought, but still I could not shake what I was going through.  Nothing was working.  All of my tools were failing me and I couldn't understand why.  I drank water, I meditated, I prayed, I went on this site, I sat down with my dog (I call her my healing dog), and everything else.  Still no relief.  I decided to get dressed and get out the door.  I didn't even make my peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  I knew something was amiss.  I passed many stores that I could have gone into, but I just couldn't do it.  I called my husband from the road (handsfree) and told him about my frustration and fear.  "How could I even want to smoke?"  "How was I going to get through this?"  "Why is this happening right now?"  Not one answer.  He told me everything would be okay.  I didn't believe it.  Then it melted away.  I don't know how, but the anger left me.   The voice in my head died down.  I am at work right now ready to engage in my day.  I am grateful beyond measure.  I didn't smoke.  

-Michelle

[AnnetteMM]

Congratulations on making it to 50 days! I know you know it's a huge achievement and a reason to celebrate. I'm so sorry your brain didn't cooperate today.  I'm wondering if it has to do with the patch at all. Did you recently reduce the dosage? Were there any other changes, medication-wise?  The struggle is REAL, and it sure doesn't help when the body seems to fight you. Sometimes we need to accept that it's happening, and wait it out. Sounds like you WON this day!

[Christine13]

Thank goodness you didn't smoke Michelle!!  Your 50 days look wonderful on you!

You are strong, you'll make it through this.  Heavy craving day for me too today.  I put some music on, got my water, and I too will make it through it.

[MichelleDiane]

Hey Annette.  I've been on the lower dose for a week.  I've been doing well except for his morning.  I still feel out of sorts, but nothing as major as this morning.  Thanks for your support.

-Michelle

[MichelleDiane]

Thanks Christine13.  Good for you and using your tools.  Onward I will go.  Make it a wonderful smoke free day.

-Michelle

[Jennifer-Quit]

For me in the beginning - it was always tough around milestones - such as your 50 days.  Not sure why - I think our sub-conscience tries to sabotage our quits and rain on our parade.  But it didn't work today nor will it work tomorrow.  Good job and congratulations!  

[Sandi4]

MichelleDiane‌

Good morning Michelle.  Congratulations on reaching Day 50 of your quit.  I am so very proud of you!!!!

I wish your day had started better.  It sounds like you had one of those massive, out of no where, No Mans Land moments we've read about.  Great job on doing EVERYTHING to protect your quit.  Sometimes, it will take everything we have, but you proved to everyone who will read this blog that, "THIS TOO SHALL PASS."

I'm praying that the rest of your day will be awesome because you need to celebrate not only your milestone but also the super powers you demonstrated today.

Happy 50 DOF, Michelle!

5050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050505050

[MichelleDiane]

Thanks Jennifer.  Hanging tough.  I know some days are like that.  It just was so nice to be living without having to struggle so much.  I could get use to that.  I know we need rain to get to the rainbow.  

Regards,

Michelle

[maryfreecig]

    Thanks for sharing about your low. Addiction to nicotine is a true pain in the arse at times. And you dealt with it! It's the only way I know of to get through those weird spells. When those kinds of moments happened to me, I tended to run to something that would wake me up...like a good quit story on you-tube or a good lecture (also on youtube) on how maniacal the tobacco industry is in creating and sustaining addicts. These unpleasant moments felt like helplessness to me--the very essence of active addiction---so I'd run to these things (with a treat to eat!) and get through it. Your story has underscored for me, once again, that people are not crazy to be calling this an addiction. Good to hear that you got on with your smobriety--and thanks for passing along your experience strength and hope. 

My kind of brain reframe...

[elvan]

Congratulations on 50 days MichelleDiane‌, please know what an amazing asset you are to this community already...you are taking the hands of those ahead of you and those behind you and you are doing so in the most unselfish and loving way possible.  I think our addiction is like a poorly behaved toddler and it is going to throw tantrums when we least expect them.  It is going to pull out all the stops to get its way and its way is the WRONG way.  It is never good to give in to a screaming monster.  You are stronger for today, you have demonstrated strength, resilience, and commitment and it's still MORNING!  I am so proud of you and so grateful that you held on to your quit and that you used as many tools as you could think of...you basically waited it out.  I know it is not easy, back to that one second at a time, right?  I will be thinking of you today, now if you happen to see an old lady with a meat cleaver sticking out of her very, very red forehead...do me a favor and pull the thing out.

XOXOXO,

Ellen

[MichelleDiane]

Thank you Sandi.  I am thinking what I can do for myself today.  You are a great cheerleader.

Thank you hugs,

Michelle

[MichelleDiane]

maryfreecig, I always look forward to your words of wisdom.  Thank you for your support and encouragement.

-Michelle

[YoungAtHeart]

You are entering the period of your quit journey we call No Mans Land.  It lasts from approximately 2-4  months quit and is a period of time when you might have become a bit complacent in your quit and your friends and family feel as though you should be "over it already."  A random, intense crave can hit, seemingly out of the blue and lasting, it seems, FOREVER.  Sounds like you have been introduced!

Congratulations on getting through one, unannounced and unplanned for!  You get through them the best you can.  Don't give up and don;t give in!  They won't last forever! 

Remember to keep your favorite tools handy.  Now that you understand what is happening, their use will get you through!!

Nancy

[MichelleDiane]

What can I say Ellen.  You were one of the first to welcome me here and always providing undying support and words of kindness.  I think that is what I need to do today.  I need to be as kind to myself as everyone here is to me.  Even with your pain you took the time to send me positive words.  (Please don't put a meat cleaver in your head.  I don't think I would have the stomach to pull it out).  Hope you feel better soon.

Love,

Michelle

[MichelleDiane]

Thank you Nancy.  Yeah, what an introduction!  I am working through this albeit is not easy, but I see you as well as the other Elders who have been where I am.  You made it and I have faith that I will too.  Hope you are feeling better and getting stronger.

Hugs,

Michelle

[Roller831]

That is what NML is all about.  For some unknown reason, that feeling can hot you like a ton of bricks and come out of nowhere.  Here's the thing....you did it.  You made it through WITHOUT a sickarette.  You used all of your tools and did it!  One step and then another will get you to where you want to be - Larry, the Caravan Master (https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/oldbones5358-Larry_10-21-2013-blog?sr=search&searchId=971ec...‌).  You WON!  Don't EVER give up.  This won't be the last time, but you can do it!  SINAO.  NOPE!  Celebrate this victory!

Roller

[MichelleDiane]

Thanks Roller!

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Sometimes we just have to go through these rough patches to get through.  Everytime you do not smoke you will come out stronger for it.   A wise elder once told me ....It's what's between the ears.  You made it through.  That is the most important part because the next time you will be stronger and know that it will pass.  Just get pass it by any means necessary. Sometimes taking a drive and listening to music can be a cure. You are a winner. 

[MichelleDiane]

Thanks Jackie!

[MarilynH]

You did it Michelle, you got through it yay you be proud of yourself because I'm proud of you, I remember only to well how horrendous those non stop cravings are  that's why they're called NML those cravings just come out of nowhere and smack you right in the face but you are doing super fantastic, I didn't read all of the comments above me so I don't know if someone else suggested reading Dale's page concerning the first four months of quitting smoking because It really helped me alot, I read his page several times during my first few months of quitting smoking, congratulations on another glorious Days WON and counting WTG. 

[crazymama_Lori]

I came to the theory a while back that the one strong emotion that always brought you back to smoking resurfaces once in a while.  I was exactly like you, frustration about simply life in general.  All of my short-lived quits were blown by anger/frustration.  Sometimes I just worked myself up into a tizzy just so I would have an excuse to smoke.  You'll notice as time passes, that resurfacing becomes less and less.  You're just relearning new coping techniques.  I've learned to just say to myself, settle your arse down (well, I don't say arse).  I take a slow breath in hold for five seconds and release slowly for another five seconds.  You did beautifully, my dear !!!!

[lauralee66]

Michelle i am getting the same overwhelming cravings and i am at day 50 as well.. its a killer to have those cravings so bad yet

[MichelleDiane]

it's like...whoa...please stop.  Hope you were able to move past them.  Rooting for you.

[elvan]

lauralee66  Congratulations on YOUR 50 days...seems like there are a whole lot of people celebrating that anniversary.  I hope you realize that you are all in No Man's Land and that's a challenging part of the journey.  If you haven't already done so, please check out roller831‌'s weekly gathering for those in NML...https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/113279-nml-in-betweener-weekly-check-in-1292018  I went through NML with Larry, the caravan master, aka OldBones-Larry‌ who has the best quote EVER, "One step and then another, will get you to where you want to be."  Remember that every challenge you meet, every crave you get past...YOU get stronger, YOU are the master here.  The craves will pass and smoking would not help anything.  Hold on, it DOES get easier.

Ellen

[lauralee66]

Thank you so much Ellen elvan some times just need that push to know I'm not alone... This is a hard stage.. so I'll do it one day at a time... Hugs

[elvan]

lauralee66‌ Remember that if a day seems too long, you can shorten it to an hour or a minute or a second, shake your head, make the crave go find a new place to hang out.  You are most definitely NOT ALONE, we have all been where you are if we have any time in and believe me that we remember, we know it gets easier because we experienced it.  I am glad that you are here and doing such a good job of keeping your quit...seriously.

Ellen