Good evening/Good morning. We lose an hour of sleep tonight so what better time to start my "memoirs". Lol Thanks to all of you encouraging me to follow thru. Here is installment #1.
So a year ago this time (March 5th to be exact) I began this journey. I had no idea what I was getting myself into! I have to give praise and thanks to my Dear Lord because the way it came about seemed to have some Divine Intervention. On the night of March 4, 2014 I was praying for my cousin - A young man who had been diagnosed with a rare endocrine cancer which had first presented as lung cancer. It hit me hard and from out of the blue I felt I just absolutely HAD to quit smoking. How could I even look at these dear family members in the face when this poor kid has never even touched a cigarette. Can't explain the guilt, conviction and urgency I felt! As an interesting aside, I had forgotten that Lent started the next day! When I realized that I was really blown away! No coincidences!! (Hey I'm Baptist now but I was raised Catholic, what can I say?) :). Anyway my only "plan" was I'd start by cutting down. However when I had gotten down to one a day for about a week, I began relapsing and smoking more. Uh oh - wrong direction! I didn't know what the heck I was doing!! Then by God's grace i found THIS site and began to learn all about the Nicotine curse!! Found out the way I was going about things was just keeping myself in withdrawal and still not quitting! (I learned here that when you get down to about 5 cigs a day, you should go ahead and quit or start your NRT plan etc.) And so began this new education and oh mercy I've never been the same since! I think many will agree that once you've turned this corner and learned about this addiction you can never "smoke in peace" again! Lol. Listen, I smoked from the time I was 13 (43 years.) I never had really planned on quitting. I believed I was a hopeless lifer and I would probably die with one in my hand!! Sadly I had kind of just accepted that. I felt guilty and worried that I would get lung cancer and have no one to blame but myself. I could feel the deteriorating changes in my body and my breathing. I visualized not even telling anyone if I ever got sick because I would just be too ashamed. (Granted this awful fate could still be in my future but at least now I can say I "tried" to prevent it, tried to restore and heal the body my Creator gave me and show some gratitude for it instead of mindlessly poisoning it!) So these were important foundational baby beginning stepping stones into this new world of quitting smoking. Starting a journey of recovery from an addiction I never even seriously thought I had. I never thought of myself as a "drug addict" but here I was face to face with that truth! Very humbling I must say. I now have SUCH a tremendous awe and respect for recovered alcoholics and other addicts. I mean - I really was naive and had no clue! This is a very maturing experience to say the least. And of course not without it's growing pains (which i will discuss in future installments) but proud moments too!! A big life change /turning point had begun. Wheeee doggies! (To be con't.). Oxox
