Trying to get through the day.

[Christine13]

I wake up and the house is quiet, except for Ruby wanting her food.  I feel depression pulling me down, but I still go on forcing myself to go on and do things to keep the house going and feed myself too.  I need to change my life completely but I don't know how, and just feel overwhelmed with everything.  Anyway, I will somehow pull myself out of this rut that I've been in since Brian died.  I need to reset my gadget, I think I broke it  Mark‌ can you help me with that?  The only one that can do this is me.  I'm so sad to face my inabilities and I'm sure you are fed up with me.

I have never felt so ugly inside.  In two weeks I see my therapist and next time I won't leave it so long.  I tell you smoking just makes you feel worse about yourself.  I don't know if I have the guts to post this or not.  I will dig in once again and make it through the day smokefree.

[Barbscloud]

I know what you're experiencing first hand.  My husband passed away 13 years ago this month.  He was my best friend, my soul mate.  It sucks.  I was still working at the time, had pets to care for and a house to take care of, several elderly relatives that I was responsible for financially and medically,  but I continued to do things that we had enjoyed because I enjoyed them also.   I still did my Christmas traditions, went to DCL three times a year with whatever dog at the time, listened to music, read a book, watched a good movie, spent time with my cat, trained new dogs etc..  We have to move forward whether we like it or not.  A quiet house can be godsend to many!

Changing your life completely is too overwhelming..  Pick something that's manageable.  When you build on those small steps you'll gain confidence in your abilities, which are there, you just need to find them. It's not just smoking that's one day at a time.  It's also life.

Glad you're seeing your therapist.  It's so helpful to have someone to "let it all out with".

Don't beat yourself up about smoking.   Get to where you want to be with your life.

Barb

[Julie1960]

I feel ya.  I to have lost love one.  Depression is really hard and being lonely.  I am saying the serinity pray some.  Yes I do have a lot of pity partys.  You can get through this minutes by minutes.  I pray and happiness for you.  

[prissdoll]

I am sorry you are struggling so, and I appreciate your honesty.  I have read many of your posts and can relate a lot.  Other people may have more and better advice for you, I just wanted you to know I understand.  Sometimes I have to back away from this site because I do not have a nice life like some here and I find myself spiraling down.  i know that is a bad attitude because addiction is addiction no matter who the person, but sometimes I do need to stay away from here for awhile.

I think we both can do it, but I suspect we both need to feel better about ourselves and hold ourselves in higher regard.

Chin up and let's move forward!!!!!!!!!!

[Barbscloud]

Thank you for your very personal response.    That takes confidence!   Nice life???   OK, it's life one day at a time!!!  

YES , you both can do it.  

Hugs

Barb

[Mandolinrain]

First off, hugs and love to you. I cannot fathom a life without my husband of nearly 40 years. I will be one hot mess if he goes before me. I can't advise you on much except to say I hope you know we all here will support you.

Wondering if theres a support group in your area for widows you could hook up with? I do agree with Barbscloud. I think trying to change everything would be too overwhelming. 

I wish I could say the right thing but I dont know what that is except to offer you my love and support...and my shoulder whenever you need it.

xoxo

[Christine13]

Thank you all so much for your kind responses.   I did get out today.  I feel better after reading all your posts. 

I am almost through the day smoke free.  I will take more steps to figure out where I should be

xo

[jonimarie]

I have never felt so ugly inside.Christine13 ...no no no you are beautiful and kind!

If memory serves me right you are close to an anniversary of Brian

Winter is tough being cooped up, too much time for our minds to wander where they do not need to go

God Bless and dust yourself off and get back on the horse

[MarilynH]

(((((((((((((((((((( ♥Huge caring hug from me to you Chris ♥ ))))))))))))))))))))

[Christine13]

Thank you.  Yes, he passed on Jan. 1st.  It is close to that anniversary.  I made it through that day.

There are so many people here who have been through so much and are going through so much every day.  I have a lot to be grateful for, and I must focus on that each day.

[MarilynH]

Love you my dear Canadian friend. ♥⚘♥

[prissdoll]

I am confused by your reply.  I was not directing my response  to you.  I meant it in a most general way.  Sorry if I offended you.

[sweetplt]

Christine Christine13 ... I am so sorry you are feeling depressed...I am glad as the day went by you felt better.  I hope tomorrow will be a better one for you...Sending you a cyber hug... You are one with a beautiful heart and soul...xoxoxoxoxo ~ Colleen 405 DOF 

[sweetplt]

Thank you for sharing this Barbscloud Barb...I learned much in your response to Christine...I am very humbled...you gave some great advice....

[SimplySheri]

I am so sorry, Christine, that you are hurting!!  Taking care of you is so much more important than anything else so please, please go to your therapist, spend time with your loved ones, and get balanced once again. 

One thing I've noticed is that people seem to feel the need to apologize for being less than perfect.  Less than 'capable' or 'happy' or 'centered'.  The truth is that we ALL have our struggles, our uglies, our less than stellar moments.  It's part of life.  And its so very ok to be human!! 

I have not lost the love of my life....I've never really had one.  So while I don't know what you're going through, please know that I support you in whatever you're going through!!  I'll listen, I'll walk with you, I'll sit in silence with you.  Whatever you need.

As for the smoking?  It doesn't change anything.  It doesn't make life better.  But you'll work it out your way in your time.  I firmly believe that.

Much love to you, Christine.  Please know I'm here for you if you need me.

[Barbscloud]

No sure what you mean.   Thought you were responding to Christine.  Offended about what?  I was complimenting you for your honesty.   Sorry you took it negatively.

Barb

[CommunityAdmin]

Christine13‌ I'm not sure what you mean by Gadget. I know gadget was mentioned on QuitNet so I assume that means your quit date?  If so go to Re: How do I get my quit date to show on the community?

Mark
EX Community Manager

[WaynenMary]

I am so glad to hear you made it through Christine13‌ quitting comes with so many emotions. The only way I have been able to describe it is as if you go through puberty all over again. Hugs to you