I don't know how to help myself and don't want to lose my job. I'm working from home due to the pandemic. I was fine, doing my work during the pandemic, when I was still smoking. Then I quit smoking. I just stayed in bed for a few days on a 3 day weekend so I wouldn't have to deal with the cravings. Then I actually got the "Smoker's Flu" that lasted for almost 3 days and called out sick. But, anyway, so I was in bed a lot at first. But that hasn't changed enough.
I have 2 months smober now (how???? I won't question it. But you all helped me a lot in those moments where I needed help, when I was still waking up for my 2am cigarette, when I was questioning if I've really quit) and for these past two months I've not been 100% at work. At all. And some things I've been really letting pile up. Y'all. I need to get it together.
But when I really start trying to be 100% again, I keep getting cigarette cravings, and that's why, I then back off, and avoid work. I've changed WHERE I work in the house, that's something I hadn't thought of, that helped a little. I put up little things like "I don't make promises, I make commitments" on the wall, but I'm not that rad kinda chick who lays down the law, makes a decision never looks back, leaves flames in her footprints... I am meek in the face of quitting smoking. It is so hard. I was slave to it for so long. I've failed many times. It scares me.
I can't power through cravings and keep typing away at the computer doing my calculations and e-mails and all this crazy multi-tasking and testy e-mails from people that make me go "ugggh," I just can't, I instead deal with a sudden craving by going and laying face down on the couch, avoid, avoid, avoid. Or I go eat handfuls of semi-sweets and avoid, avoid, avoid. I don't know what to do.
I need to help myself here because I can't quit smoking and lose a job over it. I just don't know how to help myself. Do I need a routine? What do I need to do? The two were so connected:
Work butt off, reward with cigarette, get stressed and need relief, dull with cigarette, start to get worn out, recharge with cigarette.
How can I stay in my safe, cigarette-free zone but get back to giving my job my all? This is so frustrating!