Tomorrow is the day. I am afraid!!

[Lauralives]

Friends, Again, I sit here.  I have planned and read and posted and prepared.  I've allowed myself to smoke for 3 months after quitting for 491 days.  I'm afraid... I will fail, I will block my better sense, I will lie to myself, I will numb my truth, I will smoke.  I want to swear but that won't help. LOSER, is what comes to me.  You can't do this...but... on the other hand...spot on lung...grandson needs you...new rescue dog hates the smoke and needs you....you have great things to do!!!

Dang it!!!  When I look in the mirror, really see my eyes and soul, I know, I've want to move forward.  Tomorrow will be a fresh start.  I'll meet you at the Daily Pledge.

Love...Laura

[YoungAtHeart]

You only have to do this one day at a time - sometimes a minute at a time.

Just do it - and ask for support BEFORE you smoke if it gets tough.

Of COURSE you can do this.  I believe in you  - now you have to believe in you!

Tomorrow is the beginning of the new you - I can't WAIT to meet her!

Nancy

[karenjones]

For sure, I will see you at the Daily Pledge.  Don't be afraid. Try and try and try and then, you are an ex smoker. I listened to this over and over again, laying in my bed for the first 3 days. are you working tomorrow/  ? do you have lots of carbonated water on hand? lots of black licorice, lots of chewing gum/ sour candies? and if you can listen to this, over and over, I sometimes listen to it now, just to calm myself. My proyers are with you. to break this horrid addiction, to free yourself. Bless you and your first day. If you drink coffee or tea first  thing in the morning usually, don't do it tomorrow morning. drink juice or carbonated water. your whole metabolism is changing. you are de-toxing. Lay down and listen to this : Hypnosis to quit smoking mindfully - YouTube 

[Jennifer-Quit]

Welcome back!  You must believe that you can do this - for your grandson, your dog, and most importantly for yourself.  You had 491  days of freedom before and  you  can have that and more again.     Stick around, make a plan, and ask for help when  needed.  We will be here for you.  Best wishes!

[SimplySheri]

Once you verbalize your fear, it loses some of its power, doesn't it?  So please come here and let loose when you need to   You know we have your back.  You know you can quit because you did it.  So get excited!!  This means health, this means money in your pocket, this means everything!!  We're here if you need us and I will be cheering every step of the way!

Sheri

[Giulia]

What are you afraid of, Laura?  If you agree to the journey, just like you did before for those 491 days - you wont fail.  I think what you're really mostly afraid of is the discomfort you know you're going to go through.  And yes, it's not gonna feel good.  And so what?  You agree to the journey, or you don't.  Being uncomfortable is part of the replay of another day one.  Put yourself back into that mindset that enabled you to have 491 days.  And this time, make the journey permanent.  You can, you know?  You don't have to fail.  Find your sticking place and adhere to it.  And listen to the BEST of you.  Not that least of you.

[Lauralives]

Thank you all for your support.  You all have such valuable information to add and I appreciate it.  Today is the day and I will come back here often for support.  Hugs, Laura

[Mandolinrain]

Ok...quit looking in the rearview mirror...your not going that way. Its good to look back ' a quick glance' to see where you came from but stick around there. Okay?

Today you will have a day won!

Today you are not smoking

Today you are building a new future that includes loving yourself and taking steps to freedom from nicotine

Today...Laura...you are one of us...you don't smoke.

Today and everyday we will be here to help....and there will come a day YOUR story will help another to proceed with their quit. Every things not lost dear friend. Hold that pretty head up and be strong. 

Today...you don't smoke, one day at a time...dont get to far ahead. Okay?

xoxo

[JonesCarpeDiem]

You can only fail if you choose failure.

This isn't a track meet, it's a mind game.

It's either you against you or you for you

[Barbara145]

Good morning Laura.  Today is the day!  I promised myself, no matter what I wanted, no matter what I was FEELING.  A cigarette would not be the answer.  You can do this!

[Barbscloud]

Congrats on your first day today.   Nothing to be afraid of if you remember one day at a time.  You're already a winner for making the decision and the commitment to quit.  We're here for you.

167 DOF

[SaraCorinne]

YOU CAN DO IT!  I CAN DO IT!  WE CAN DO IT!

[Daniela2016]

Have you thought how much you helped your body in the 491 DOFs you had?  And how much more you will if you quit for good.  You know the statistics, you've been here every day, will not bore you with that. 

I think you are afraid of failure, not necessarily of the first day/week/month.  After all, you have been through these and you know they are not killing you!  You are afraid of repeated failure, you are afraid of "letting us down".  It is also you who would be the most disappointed in yourself.  Let me tell you something, the only person who can change that is you. We can help, but you have to do it. It is in your power to keep saying "I don't do that anymore" and NOPE.  If these did not help you after 491 days, then find something else in your tool box which can work for you.  I still had thoughts of smoking after 1 year, even now, well past 2 years.  But all I have to do is push  the thought aside , and select something else to think about. You can too Laura, don't be scared, take it one day at the time, don't talk down to yourself, you know you can do it!!!

[Lauralives]

I smoked.  I'm not going to make excuses.  I'm not committed as when something goes really wrong, I am grabbing them.  My plan is to finish the remodel on my daughters condo.  It has been one problem after the next and I'm losing it.  I'll be back.  Laura

[maryfreecig]

    Never do I wish to talk down to anyone wanting to quit. The problem with addiction is that it does not allow very clear thinking. And so if I state the obvious, it is not because I wish to be a smartso, it's because the addiction makes the obvious seem not obvious. Nothing requires a cigarette. Nothing. No problem. No joy, no sorrow, no stress. A year and a half is not long enough for many of us to smober up. Some get it sooner, some like me took a while. So to quit, you need to champion for your quit, not show up when you are ready. That day may never come as the addiction fog keeps you cloistered in cigarettes, one after the other. No real magic. Just hits of nicotine to satisfy the call for nicotine. Only the addiction reads it as REALLY IMPORTANT, gotta have. The nicotine hijacks your brain. 

   Buy a pack of smokes you absolutely hate. Try something. Break through the fog.

[stAn3]

Don’t wait. Keep visiting the site. “I’m not committed” is an excuse. The commitment is something we do over and over again. We have a choice, even after we relapse, to re-commit to quitting.

i should know. I’ve relapsed over and over again. Coming to the site everyday, even after I smoked, helped me get back into the frame of mind where I could stop smoking again after the relapse.

[Lauralives]

Thank you Mary.  The compassion and insight you relayed got me thinking a lot yesterday.  The day was wrought with frustration and tears and the smoking did not help.  The nicotine does hijack the brain and I have been buying into that.  Telling myself that once the stress let's up, I will do it.  I know life doesn't exist with some stress.  It's how we handle it and I went through stress when I wasn't smoking and I was much calmer.  I am the one who has to move past getting hooked into the stinkin thinkin.  No getting too ahead of myself with "what if's" and "forever" and look at the big picture.  Getting back to my healthier lifestyle, I always feel better about myself when I am not smoking.  As Daniela said, I am afraid of failure, of letting you all down and myself.  Afraid of feeling the deep sadness that lies behind the smoking.  Having to peel back that onion one more layer to uncover other hidden hurts and disappointments.  We all have these and the healing is so profound and I know that.  Perhaps just taking it slowly and not exposing too much too soon.  Feeling the array of emotions only helps us to access the deep joy as well.  So....tomorrow is the day.  No Matter What. NOPE and with all of you pulling for me.  Breathe!!!  Thank you all so much!!  Laura

[Daniela2016]

Lauralives‌, I am so happy you decided for tomorrow!  Maybe you want to get some help (patches), at least for the first couple of weeks, I used them, it worked for me.  Now, if you were able to do it "smart turkey" even better.  Whatever way you take, it will be great to take the plunge, and the self respect for doing it, will help you a lot in the first months, I don't have to tell you, you remember for sure.

Welcome back Laura, we'll be cheering you on, please let us know how it goes!  And yes, the deep breathing was my main tool in the tool box, deep breathing exactly like I did with the first puff of every cigarette my whole life, except now the deep breathing brings oxygenated, clean (subject to discussion in Arizona ), fresh air!

Congratulations!!!

[Lauralives]

Daniela, it means so much to have your support!!  I'm excited and terrified and it's all good.  Yes, the clean air in Colorado has been inundated with smoke lately but today is a clear day and I am so grateful.  Taking everything in stride and I am not pretending I will know how this quit will unfold but I have this site and all you Exers to help.  I will let it play out and protect my quit!!!  Thanks so much!!  Laura

[maryfreecig]

    Good to hear your thoughts on this Laura. And you are right both pain and joy come out of quitting. I slogged (like most) for a while until a better understanding took hold. Sometimes just being diligent and enduring is exactly the best to do. Keep questioning smoking and addiction, keep focusing on your strengths---they will get you through. Ur...Ex, too.

[Lauralives]

Friends, again I cried and screamed in the car and the song "Enough is Enough" was playing on my CD.  It was so awesome because I screamed to it and cried and laughed!!  The remodel has been a night mare but first I want to say this.  I am so grateful that I have the means to do a remodel.  So many people don't even have a home.  But seriously????  I am on my third floor contractor.  Click-lock flooring is supposed to be easy.  Now I have had to have someone come in and remove and redo the baseboards and the quarter round, and even though they look the baseboards off before they cut the flooring originally, they incorrectly measured and cut and now we have to get thicker baseboard to cover the mistakes.  

We measured countless times for the appliances and yet the refrigerator doesn't fit after they refaced the cabinets.  1/2' on the top and 1/4' on the bottom.  The appliance people said, "Good Luck" as they left the frig and dishwasher sitting in my dining room.

The handyman company said we needed an up to date outlet behind the dishwasher yesterday, by phone, and I said okay.  Little did I know he wouldn't cut a hole and make it flush so the dishwasher would fit.  Nope.  

The song reminded me that although life will always have its challenges, smoking doesn't make anything better.  Enough is Truly Enough!!!   Please send a prayer my way tonight so I can wake up tomorrow and say, "No Matter What Happens Today, I Am Not Going To Smoke".  

I feel like the epitome of Murphy's Law.  :} Thanks for reading this!!  Yikes!!  Tomorrow NOPE!!!!!

Love, Laura

[Daniela2016]

Lauralives‌, to me you sound really funny, and I apologize, I know it is such a pain, but I had to go through that myself in the last year or so, all on my own.  Hubby works long hours and he is never home for anything: 

1. We contracted a company to replace 4 windows and a patio door; nice selection, we picked one of the expensive ones, triple panes, sound proof, signed the contract in November; they said 2 months to get them done, custom ordered, not cheap.  The first time around they were going to use the most plain baseboards you can find at home depot to frame the windows inside; I said whoa, that is not what I am paying for, I want the same material as the outside.  Had to wait again, frames came in, did not match, ordered them a second time, waited again, they did not match, waited again, we were done sometimes in June.

2. A microburst hit our roof on several spots on one side of the house: guess what: the insurance company paid for the repair, not replace, and they said the other side of the house is good; we paid out of pocket to replace the roof, but found out later they put a new layer of shingles over the old ones, did not actually replace the roof; apparently it is legal to do it once.

3, The AC was stopping according to the thermostat, however the fan kept going, never stopped; I made a contract with an AC company for maintenance every 2 months, that was back in April, they never came back since, and it took 3 times, 2 different techs, to actually make it work.

And I have been through it all since I quit.

And you will too, and everything will work out in the end, because you know we have the patience of angels...

May this little angel watch over you, and make your first smober day bearable!

D

[Mandolinrain]

Praying for you Laura, love you...you can do this and we will be here for you

[elvan]

Laura,

You have so much support behind you, so many people praying for you.  Remodeling can be a nightmare...we had to BUILD a house and the mistakes and shortcomings all became apparent after we moved in.  NOT fun.  You are going to get through this and whatever else life throws at you.

Love you,

Ellen

[Lauralives]

Daniela, I cannot believe the lack of integrity some of these contractors have and also lack of knowledge.  Well you made it through and so can I.  Starting out well and will continue.  You've been a great help and I really appreciate it!!!  Have a good day!  Hugs, Laura

[Lauralives]

Thanks so much and have a great day!  Appreciate the support!! Love, Laura

[Lauralives]

Hi Sweet Ellen, today is the day and I have all of you with me and Papa too so I am good to go!  I can't control those contractors but I can control myself.  We have all had nightmare experiences.  It could be worse so I am grateful for what goes RIGHT!!  Love you too and I hope you are feeling better!!  Laura

[Barbscloud]

All I can say is ditto.   All this will happen whether you smoke or not.  The same day they started on my kitchen cabinets last month, the air conditioner unit broke, and my dental implant broke.   I was on this site posting that day!    You'll do great!

170 DOF

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I was a carpenter and later a general contractor. I had sub-contractors who knew the quality of work I expected. I let them know 2 weeks ahead of when I needed them and always had things ready so they weren't tearing out other peoples work to do theirs. My jobs that other contractors took 2-3 years to do were done in 9 months and in the budget. I did accurate bids and all my subs walked the job during my bid and gave me solid prices. This is why a general contractor gets 20%. 

[Lauralives]

Wish I could have had you here to help out!!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

did you have a general contractor running your job? 

[Kathryn16]

You can do this, and you will do it! Do everything this website says to do. Throw out the cancer sticks, throw out the lighters. Avoid other people who smoke. Write down all the reasons you think about having a cigarette. Ask yourself honestly, why? When I read what I wrote,  I really felt like a loser, because I couldn't believe I was DUMB ENOUGH TO GIVE SO MUCH MONEY TO BIG TOBACCO for those reasons. And always remember, you deserve to breath fresh air. Would you give a smoking cigarette to a baby, small child? Of course not, so treat yourself better than that. You are better than sickorettes!!!

[SMTP]

Hi Laura I just wanted to wish you all the best on your quit day. I've done that too.. had six or seven months and then started up again for another year, but the one thing I found helpful is you really do have to find something new to do, something beneficial for yourself in place of the smoking. There's certain hours of the day when cravings can hit and I was thinking you should take your rescue dog and find a park or a path in the woods and say this is what we are doing together twice a day...because once you get out in nature or fresh air it really does stop the triggering Cravings... and with fall coming your dog will love it and so will you and it's an activity that get you out of your head.      

[elvan]

Thinking of you, my friend...you've got this.

Love,

Ellen

[Lauralives]

No Jones, It was me, a mistake.  I was trying to save money and I lost money.  Laura

[JonesCarpeDiem]

I'm sorry you lost money

I can't tell you how many times I was brought in after unlicensed work had been done. The last one I recall, I had to redo $40,000 worth of work because it didn't meet code.

[Lauralives]

Wow Jones, I'm out an extra $8K and counting.  

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Are you getting confirmation emails or written change orders before the extra work is done and signing them as you go?

[Lauralives]

No and the flooring guys is out and I have hired a new one.  Home Advisors is the company that I hired him through and we will be going into arbitration this week.

[elvan]

Oh Laura, I am SO SORRY, that's horrible.  Keep us posted...JonesCarpeDiem‌ certainly knows what he is talking about and can help to keep you more secure.

XOXO,

Ellen

[JonesCarpeDiem]

They must have required mandatory arbitration as part of your contract?

Here's the deal with flooring.

Industry standards require all wood floors to have a gap between the edge of the flooring and the wall for expansion. This is typically 1/2" and is hidden by the baseboard or 1/4 round. the baseboard and 1/4 round are to "float" above the flooring so as not to restrict expansion in any way.

I'm assuming the installer didn't do this?

[Lauralives]

It was done sloppily and because the corners were rounded and they didn't have the correct cutting tool, it was a mess.  I hired them through Home Advisor and they do the arbitration.  Thanks Jones for your expertise.  I am a bit stressed about the whole thing.  Laura