Time to reflect or junkie thinking creeping up again

[rj_]

Hello All,

It has been awhile since I posted anything, and decided because of a recent incident to come back and take a look at my old post and read some of ya'lls.

It has been a rough couple months, had some major set backs, my wife was injured in a car accident, (doing ok now) but because of that we've had a neice staying with us the last couple months helping out. She is young and smokes about a pack every few days, a few times I have mentioned her quitting, and tried to point her to make her own decision to quit.

She wont take money but I been buying her smokes, so last night I brought her home a new carton she got out a pack and opened them, I had a fleeting thought of how a fresh pack used to smell, the carton was sitting on the counter, a few minutes later I found myself holding a sealed pack under my nose inhailing trying to get a whiff of a "freshly opened pack" My wife looked up at me like I was crazy and I put the pack back in the carton and did not think anything else of it.

Today I got to thinking of my quit, I realized I was coming up on the same time frame I was when I killed my long pause of 2000-2003. I also realized that the death of that 32 month pause started with junkie thinking creeping into my mind over a period of several weeks until I convinced myself I could have "just one" and go on with life, that cost me an additional 4 years of slavery to the addiction at 2 cartons a week until I got the will and education to quit permently.

So here I am, in the know, I am gonna keep this junkie thinking away, I 'm not proud to say that since I have had a smoker around again that old "just one" thought has passed through my mind a few times for a split second, but mostly I just laugh it off.

Today I am here cause I know that I am a junkie, junkie thinking is a loosing propostion I refuse to be lulled again and kill this quit.

Today I am free, I popped my quit counter so I could include my stats, I'm not looking for cudos or anything, just offering some words of encouragement to others and keeping myself in line, Thanks for listening....

RJ...Free at Last 2 yrs 7 mos 12 days 8 hrs 25 min 8 seconds, saving 132 days 16 hours and 30 mins of life, and $4,950.88 and not inhailing 38,214 death sticks...

[maureen15]

Welcome back JR...you've come to the right place.  Thanks for sharing your journey.  I had quit for 8-9 years and then started up again in July of this year so here I am quiting again.  I wish I had the foresight and knowledge to come here before I started again.  Good for you!  I can relate to the living with somebody that smokes, my husband smokes and even when I had quit before he continued to smoke, but I know that's not what I want and I'm done.  Thanks so much for sharing!

[angie58]

JR, it is interesting that I came across your post on the day that I decided to quit, again. I have been giving thought to how addictive cigarettes are.  Once you have committed yourself to quit there is no more "just one more".  That one more leads to another and then it makes it that much harder to stay focus when trying to quit again. That is what I am experiencing but after reading your post, I feel like I can go another couple of hours before I crack, and then after those couple of hours I will have to find something else to carry me through to it is time for bed.

[Sootie]

JR--EXCELLENT--thanks for coming back and sharing that. It is one of the GREAT things about this iste---it's like the "Seniors" coming back to speak to the "Freshman"!!! Yes---although they don't happen every day---those junkie feelings slip back in. Happened to me once also---thinking you could just have one. You've stayed strong and although you're not asking for them----you deserve CONGRATULATIONS on almost 3 years!!!

[shytowngrrrl]

I had two months smoke free and slipped last Saturday night.  I got right back on the wagon Sunday morning.  Thank you for your insightful blog. Congratulations on your freedom of over 2 1/2 years.  How precious that is.  Stay strong.  NOPE 🙂

[hwc]

Time for a visit to the One Puff Files:

http://ffn.yuku.com/topic/22888

Also, you discovered something very, very dangerous: fixating on a cigarette. We can actually talk ourselves into smoking doing things like letting the mind fixate on the sensations of opening a pack or smoking. It is very dangerous territory and we need to see a big red flag and nip that in the bud immediately.

Try to always think of that one cigarette, but of the seven thousand five hundred that go with it during the first year. Don't think of it as "I could have just one", but as "I could decide to smoke all day, every day, for the rest of my life, until it kills me.... Don't think of lighting a cigarette. Think of putting a syringe into your arm and injecting nictoine.

I know that all of these thoughts crossed your mind and you did what you had to do to keep from walking back into to trap. For the benefit of others though, yours is the kind of story that needs to be highlighted. Nothing would devastate me worse that throwing away two years of being nicotine-free. It's so senseless. That's why I keep my little monthy ritual of visiting the One Puff Files and renewing my personal commitment to never take another puff for 30 more days on my anniversary each month -- whether I need to or not. I take it very seriously and I know you do to.

[barbara42]

i am coming up on two years and the only way to do it is--not one puff, no matter what the addiction tells us, like you say, JR, just push that thought away, and hwc, you have been so instrumental in my quit and for that I THANK YOU !

[choptrice]

OH MY GOSH  THANKYOU FOR TELLING ME .  i KNOW THAT A SMOKER FOR 30 YEARS  YOURS TRULEY  HAS SUCH A LONG ROAD TO TRAVEL 56 DAYS SO FAR  BUT TO KNOW FROM 1 TO 2 YEAR SMOKERS THAT THIS ADDICTION IS ALWAYS LURKING AROUND  KIND OF LIKE SATAN   ITS SO IMPORTANT TO LET US NEWBIES TO ALWAYS BE AWARE     ENJOY OF COURSE   BUT  BE AWARE     GOD bLESS   lESA

[james41]

Thanks so much and please visit often.

Thanks for the inspiring blog

James

[suzyq4]

I hear that statement as a whisper in the back of my mind, "Just one...just one is OK....just one and I can quit again". However, I have learned from many people on here how to handle it and protect my quit at all costs. I'm living my 120 days smoke free and wish I'd done this sooner. Attitude and education and listening to those who go before me have helped me get to this point. Thank you thank you thank you for your wisdom!

[vicki11]

RJ – I am so happy you came back – I am even happier that you didn’t open that pack!

Your story is so informative I am absorbing as much information as I can and this should go to show all of us here on this site that weather it is 6 days, a week, a years or 3 years we all need to protect our QUIT at all times!!!

[pmt]

RIGHT ON JR!  You will stay strong!

pmt