They say that confession is good for the soul....

[rmcfadden88]

This has been weighing heavy on my mind all day, so I decided to confess my sins.

I have had another relapse.  Hubby hit a huge chunk of wood in the road the other night on his way home from an almost week long trip to his brother's.  I was NOT familiar (at all) with the area where he was broken down. He called around 11 p.m. to tell me he needed me to come get him.  So I gathered all the tools, flashlights, etc., that we would need and set off into (pardon the expression) No Man's Land.  Now I am not a good driver after dark.  And man was it ever dark!  He was only approximately 45 minutes to an hour from home.  It took me from 11 p.m. to almost 3:30 a.m. to find him!  In the meantime, there were lots of angry phone calls back and forth, and an accompaniment of screaming, insults, etc.  I also left without my meds which help my nerves.  Not a good plan!

We finally got back to get the car today.

Anyhoo, I (not making any excuses here, "let" this throw me over the edge again.  Stopped and picked up a pack of smokes and picked up where I left off.  It tasted bad, smelled bad and gave me a headache and a sore throat but I did not let that stop me.  I have now smoked almost half the pack. (The accident was on Monday nite)  Now half a pack is not a whole pack or two packs, etc.  But it IS too many!  I had had such a good quit going in the beginning.  Stupidly smoked almost a whole pack after having 60 (sixty+) days of being quit!  Restarted my clock again.  Now, I have it all to do over!

I really do want to quit and stay that way.  This is the only support I get.  I knew I had to come here and "confess".

Thanks for listening!  P.S. I'll restart my clock once I'm sure I am not going to do this again! 

[kris54]

S.I.G.H.

Not sure what to say... except I hope you get on with a forever quit now.  There will always be pieces of wood in the road...... fear.....etc.  But.... you are stronger than that Right?  I have a good idea those smokes did nothing for you.... except make you feel bad.   

Confession on here, I imagine would be HARD.  It stopped me from sneaking one in the beginning.  Good for you for your honesty... to yourself.

Cheering you on!

[ginger7]

It happens. Try not to get hung up on the relapse. Just get "back on the wagon" and move forward. One day at a time! Think of all the cigs you HAVEN'T smoked in the last two months and vow to stay focused on your goal!

[ryan44]

As the saying goes learn from your mistakes.  I hope you did learn that that cig did not make the accident any better, or your hubby any less mad, or you any less mad at him the only thing it did do was restart your adiction that you had worked so hard to beat. You through it all away for what?So at least let this be a learning lesson for you so next time you think about what you learned this time.

[summer-07-06-15]

I already when down the road that I won't restart the clock until I'm sure, don't do that to yourself. If you fall off that horse again is best to confess not to us, but to yourself and restart the clock with the knowledge that you screwed up again. And have to ^&*^%& start all over again and the time spend on the quit. But YOU MUST GET BACK ON THAT HORSE AGAIN<> STOP SAYING MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY WHAT THE THAT GET YOU. REMEMEBER N. O. P. E.  AND N. E. F.  HUGS.

[Breakinchains]

You will not succeed at this unless you decide to quit NO MATTER WHAT. There will always be problems, stresses in life, you have to find another way to deal with that without running back to the smokes. There are other ways to deal with stress. You have to realize that this is a lifestyle change, and you have to tell yourself when these things happen that I cannot smoke because I DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE. Smoking is in the past, time to get on with a new future. 

YOU CAN DO THIS

[JonesCarpeDiem]

we are here to be accountable to. not to beat you up.

we do support you.

the most important thing to learn is to stop turning to cigarettes.

thats why the habit part takes 4+ months to break.

you were clean but you again chose smoking as your comfort.

that is what we must unlearn to be free

[AutumnWoman]

You've got to learn to do something other than smoke when you get upset, and not "smoke at" people because you're angry with them.  The only one you hurt is yourself.  Try an get some email addresses and phone numbers of people here that you can reach out to when you need support and you can't get to the computer.  Also a quit kit with things like worry beads, a stress ball, chewing gum may help you deal with the anxiety.  And SLOW DOWN!  You spent hours floundering around looking for your husband.  If you had stopped for a moment to ask directions or look at a map you might have found him with less trouble.  In any event, don't allow other people's bad behavior to knock you off track.  But that's a different support group...

[la2012]

Hey there, just reading your blog, I too screwed up and started over last night, per my blog this am.  Stay strong, I am with ya again!!!!  Lisa