This wild spectrum of emotions is s a trip in its self. Fortunately nothing last long in this arena of feelings. I do realize, from past quits, that this will pass and I will stabilize, calm and be able to think far more clearly.
I must continue to be aware of, research and study why I have gone back to smoking countless times. I want to proclaim that this time will be the last of cigarettes in my life, but I hesitate because I am tired of not taking myself seriously enough to really stop this insanity.
I have no one to blame but myself so going forward from here I am journaling, writing (like this), using the patch and sleep hypnosis for quitting cigarettes. I have changed my eating habits to any fruit and vegetable, as much as I want and at anytime. I get 2 sweets a day plus healthy meals and tons of water.
I got out all my acrylic paints, brushes and canvasses so I can start painting as soon as I calm a bit more. I am trying to walk every morning for at least 30 minutes. Once upon a time I walked 5 days a week for 45 minutes (3 miles), and I will get back to this. Smoking weakened my gait, legs, feet and ankles so I must get back slowly.
Feels good to write these short, sporadic sentences that are all over the place.
Praise God for loving me and seeing me through this.
